Not forgotten.

I haven't logged in for such a long time, it's a miracle that I didn't forget the password to the blog.

No, it's not forgotten, I promise, although for several weeks I deliberated on whether I should continue to keep the domain or let it lapse, and then see what would happen after.

It's funny that I actually said that because I do recall several years ago I would barf at the thought of closing down minishorts.net. I guess, after a while, the past doesn't quite matter as much, not especially when you are so caught up with surviving in the present.

The one good thing that seems to have happened out of this hiatus from blogging, as well as the periodic posts I practised while being busy with life, is the fact that I have left this blog alone long enough to have it 'disappear' into the recesses of the Internet.

A long time ago, my blog was a safe haven to retreat, a place for me to document my thoughts and considerations without fear of being judged by strangers.

Dare I trust that this place has returned to its original purpose?

I can only hope.

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Dec30

The importance of being foolish.

Billions of people have lived and gone, but few change the world. Even lesser change it for the better. Two days ago, one of those who've changed it for the better has gone before us.

#thankyousteve

Death is a daily occurring phenomenon, and yet each time it happens,  each time I experience it happening, I am both saddened and inspired by how such a simple occurrence forces me into a time of reflection.

I don't usually cry when I hear of a stranger's passing, but Jobs is an icon, a giant of a man who has transformed the entire course of history and the way the world functions. I told my husband, that this one man has determined the way the economy functions, this one man has determined how the future generations would treat their own life's formal and experiential education, and this one man has provided even for the two of us, just little specks in the great tapestry of God's creation, the direction which we have chosen to lead our lives.

And we don't even know him personally.

I've always been a big believer in that 'one man can change the course of history' philosophy. And for many many years, I've also been optimistically confident of my personal capabilities – that I'm important enough to figure and make an important difference, and influence people as I go on in live. Perhaps a part of me dreams of becoming someone important and prominent, as huge as Jobs, Gates, Zuckerberg, or like my own boss,… but of course, as I plod along in life, as each turn greets me with its several choices, I choose to have them be simpler and smaller, more 'manageable'. But inside of me, I've never quite lost that faith in believing that little choice of action that might affect the course of history, in a positive way.

This is why I've chosen to do what I do, work where I work. It's not a big deal, because there are many people like me, but among my own circle of friends, I've got people questioning my choices, and wondering why I took the step I did. I've never quite spoken about it here in my blog before, because, over the years, I've learnt to appreciate the value of privacy.

Job's death has impacted me somewhat. One of the most important lessons I've learnt from this icon is that you're never too old to start afresh, and never too old to be foolish. See, life can be a tiring rollercoaster ride. As a kid, as a younger person, roller coaster rides are easy,  and fun, and the dangers of the twists and turns beckon you because excitement and thrills are things that we naturally seek. But as we grow older, and as life keeps hitting and banging you with its version of the roller coaster twists and turns, it's easy to become jaded, and to shy away from challenges. To stay safe and to fall back on the first excuse that comes to hand, 'I'm old already. These things are not for me.'

Obviously, Jobs was never the type to step back just because  he was sick. So today, I thank Jobs, not for the gift of his inventions or innovations, but rather, for the inspiration demonstrated through the way he lived his life, documented in so many media. Today onwards, his words, borrowed from the Whole Earth Catalog will stick in my head as a life philosophy: 'Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.'

Don't Settle.

It's an important philosophy to have, even as I step into the dawn of my 30s.

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Oct07

On goals.

I just finished yesterday's post meeting report. I'm currently thinking about tomorrow's meetings and discussions, and the things I intend to achieve out of them.

Hubby and I took that rare 'walk in the future' discussion today. We spoke about dreams, visions, achieving our goals, and the things we needed to do to arrive where we wanted, as early as possible. We spoke about the trade-offs we were consciously making, and about whether those trade-offs were worth it.

Most of our conversation revolved around Paul's education, his eventual career choices, how much it would cost us and what it would take to help him realize his dreams.

We also spoke about Kid #2, and maybe a third, and the same. The accumulated 'cost' of bringing up our own younglings. The horror of the budgets and plannings they require, and of course, the realization that our parents went through the very same deliberations.

See, we're about to receive to keys to our very first home, and with that, means immediately, at the end of this year, money going into making sure the home is livable, comfortable, a good place for us to come home to rest after a long day at work, and a great place for Paul, and his brother or sister or both, to grow up in.

Goals.

I'm quite undecided how I feel about this word. It doesn't help that I work in a very goal and results driven organization, where we're constantly setting impossible targets and then pushing the limits to achieve them ahead of schedule. Doesn't help either that Eric owns part of the business he works for, so the goals of the company have become extremely tangible requirements – he needs to achieve results every day regardless of the challenges because it is no longer 'just another job'. I think the entire psyche of 'chasing goals' is so embedded into my very being that sometimes, times like now, I'm just exhausted and I just crave, crave for that single MINUTE where I can totally erase it off my mind and hope that minute lasts an eternity.

Combo God!!! Whee! #fruitninja

I even have a goal for the Fruit Ninja app I have on my phone. I hit 870 about 3 weeks back. I am still trying, hopelessly, to get the score up to 1000. I tell myself when I hit 1000 I'll be happy, but I know I won't.  I remember when I was at about 300, I told myself, 500 and I'll be satisfied. Then I got to 624 for the longest time, and I said, okay, let me hit 750 and I'll be still. It didn't help that Eric got competitive (yes we're stupid like that), and hit about 680. So now I'm here, 870 and aiming for the next golden number: 1000. I'll probably take the next few weeks and maybe months to get there, but I really won't stop.

The game is a perfect metaphor for how I treat life now. Chase the goal. Arrive. Monitor the results. Make a decision – that'll be the next goal. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. It's kinda pathetic in a way, but I've been racing for so long, I'm not sure how to stop anymore.

*Wishing for that minute of eternity*

 

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Oct05

Writer’s Block

Many moons ago I had lots and lots to talk about. I suppose I can attribute that seemingly continuous flow of opinions to my youth, or my inexperience with life; or maybe it was just me and my love for talking on paper.

I used to be a very talkative person – especially online. On the Internet, I've always been a very opinionated person, bulldozing my way to have my piece of mind heard, using this personal space  to rant on relentlessly about my point of view - and during those really active years, it really didn't matter to me what people thought (hence I exercised that not commenting and not responding to comments in the feedback section rule).

These days, for some reason, I don't quite feel the need to be so insistent about expounding my opinions anymore. I mean, I'm still me, and some things do get me riled up and I speed along to Facebook, and Twitter to drop off my piece of mind – but those moments just aren't that frequent anymore. Even on those social platforms, I log on with something important and urgent I intend to say, but as I type and attempt to frame my thoughts into 160 characters, the energy seems to fizzle out and I just decide to let it be.

Maybe that is why I am faced with Writer's Block very often these days. It's not that I've forgotten about owning my own journal – it's just, sometimes, I just have no idea what I should write about anymore. An occasion, an important one, happens, and the thought of blogging about it flickers – I log on, I look at my blog, and then, those words just fizzle away, and I'm left with just a single 140 char line which could go on Twitter or Facebook anyway.

I remember attending one of those Mastery workshops several years back, and the speaker spoke about getting to a phase in life when you chose to be opinionated about NOT having an opinion. I don't know whether I am graduating into that phase of life – I do hope it's not moving into an apathetic 'I don't care' attitude. And I do hope this personal evolution is for the better.  

So these days, I think, I'll mostly type about Paul and Eric and family, mostly captions about the everyday mundane happenings in my life, because right now those things matter a lot more than crazy frustrations over nothing in particular.

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Sep15

Oh no a month already?

It's August and a whole month just flew past me!

(I still love you blog, don't cry.)

Obligatory photos:

Starting him young on pork ribs! #project365
We started him on pork ribs!

One family pic before we head off home! #project365
Also had a nice weekend getaway at the Marina Bay Sands. How we've grown as a family!

Ok so he may not be saying much yet but he's insisting on feeding himself these days!
So the kiddo may not be saying much, but he does try hard to feed himself.

+++

When I blog I am reminded of what matters most. *Sniff*

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Aug04

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