just minishorts.

It's so cold in here.

Almost like someone's left you out on the walkways, and the rain is just centimetres away from your soles. Sometimes you feel the dampness seeping through your holed-canvas coverings. Always you remind yourself that you're not alone.

And then you realise, dreadfully, that you are really alone. No one will really care for you, except yourself of course.

I need a hug. Badly.

Please?

I know you read this.

I don't know if you shed a tear.

I don't know if it tugged your heart strings.

I was left sobbing.

What have you done?

I look back on my life, and wonder… sometimes. Could it be like this, too?

There's nothing I fear more than Death. I'm more Death-fearing than God-fearing. I love life so much, I just cannot bear to imagine myself not living anymore.

To be taken away just like that.

Still alive lah. Blardy cough making me go 'akHAK… akHAK' every fifteen seconds or so…. last night was spent rolling in bed while I tried to beat the despised PHELGM from dispensing itself out of the canal.

Blardy cough.

Stupid headache.

Stupid fever. On Thursday, the great M decided to take things into her own hands. So she piled SIX LAYERS of blankets and pillows over me in an attempt to 'force the evil sweat' out of my body. Somemore she turned off the fans and closed all the windows and doors. Worse than a stuffed sardine, I tell you. Not that we know what a stuffed sardine feels like lah, but I suppose it could be something like that.

So anyway, I survived lor… the bad sweat did come out and the fever broke. And now I'm left with this IDIOTIC STUPID BLARDY COUGH.

Blllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Monday's going to be hell at the office.

This was taken at the AIESEC Alumni Dinner last Saturday. Over a 100 ex-AIESECers went, which was a good increase in number from last year's Dinner. They're now charging RM150 for a life-time membership, and I'm seriously considering that. But that is not the point of this post.

The point is the reaction of the women after photos are taken. Okay, include the before. It goes something like this.

Girl 1: Can you take my photo please?
Guy: Ok. Here?
Girl 1: Yeah.
Guy: Ready?
Girl 1: Wait wait, okay. Don't make me look fat yah.
Guy: Okay. Ready?
Girl 1: Wait wait. That's my friend…. (to Girl 2) Come come, take photo!
Girl 2: Oh, okay.

Both girls will pose, the guy will wait for the girls to get ready.

Guy: Ready?
Girl 1: Ok.
Girl 2: Don't make me look fat yeah?
Guy: Ok? One, two… *snap*. Okay. I'll take another one…
Girl 1: Quick lah!!! My jaws aching already.
Girl 2: What's taking so long?
Guy: One, two… *snap*. Done! Take a look and see.

The girls will take the camera, look at the preview screen, and usually, usually yeah, this line will be blurted out.

'Yeeeeee! I look so fat.'

And then the guy will usually, usually say,

'No? Ok what. I think you look great.'

And then the girls will 'shyly' giggle and 'blush'.

I'll be dead honest and say that this is actually, 'FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS.'

And it usually works.

I've been complaining a lot lately?particularly about how much unnecessary stress I receive at work. I've gone on and on like a broken record, nagged SL non-stop about the indecencies of the work culture in a publishing firm, and how the OT allowance that we require everytime we have to spend the weekend at the office isn't ever enough to cover the dissatisfaction that sprouts out of a severe case of overworking.

Until the past few days, that is.

I'm being shoved outside for almost a week to check some multimedia content. My co doesn't have the resources to produce multimedia material, and hence the arrangement with the multimedia developer. I like the work culture there, there's hardly any stress, the employees get to choose whether they want to be paid OT, or to convert that OT to pay, or to convert that OT to leave (where there are no urgent deadlines). The boss of the company's pretty cool too, she allows workers to go home early or come in late just as long as they finish their work, and there's really a 'creative' feel about the people there. They dress casually, jeans and cargoes, long-sleeved t-shirts (the air-conditioning's really cold) and they have a pantry the size of my boss's room.

Despite all these, during the entire time I was there, I've had a severe block. I've spent hours looking at solid materials, thinking of more creative ways to phrase rubrics and instructional guidelines, and that has come up to zilch. I log into minishorts.net to post my dailies, and the posting space is left blank for hours, until the end of the day when I finally resign and head back home.

One thing for sure, despite the severe stress and unfortunate deadlines and pressure I have to face at my co, it keeps my creative juices flowing. Quite oxymoronic, yah?

Or maybe I'm just plain weird.