just minishorts.

*Urgh*

There's definitely a problem with Yoda and the force, but somehow, it's etched too deeply into the very roots of me. The show is ages beyond me, but ah, a classic nonetheless, and you have NO IDEA how much my attitude is shaped based on the stuff that I learnt from the cult trilogy.

It's a problem because I always have problems letting go. It's a problem because it's a very, very good line to live by really, but not in reality, where decision-making involves several people, not just yourself.

Darling, I saw it coming, girl, I saw it coming and you knew it was merely a try. The problem is you told yourself it's only a try, but that's just it. You only told yourself. But it was a 'do' for you, never a try. That's the problem.

I am absolutely clear on this. I'm not talking about my work, I'm not talking about my family, I'm not talking about my friends, I'm not talking about my relationships. There has never been a single 'try' in my life. Ever. It's either, do, or do not. 80% of the time I do, the other 20% I tell myself I'll do, but in the end I didn't do at all. The result is a contrasting record of hits and misses… and fortunately, because the hits exceed the misses, people think she's actually good at what she does.

There's just never been a continuum, the shades of grey that I'm supposed to take into consideration where necessary always, always get swept into the extreme ends of black and white.

'Fire-reeking dragon' indeed. Now that's a great line to describe minishorts. A dragon. Who would go to great measures just to get something done. GREAT, EXTREME MEASURES.

A past conversation in check.

'Maybe we should take a break.'
'No.'
'Why not?'
'I don't believe in breaks.'
'Then?'
'Breaks are like trial separations. It's either do, or do not. No trials. It's either stop, or go on. Solve the problem here, or if not, end this. No trials. '

Another.

'I thought you were only going to work for a while.'
'I thought so too.'
'Then? Why are you still stuck there?'
'I don't like leaving things just like that.'
'The last time you said you just wanted to try it out.'
'I know.'
'Then? You'll be able to juggle so many things?'
'Been doing it for months. Well. Might as well continue.'

The best thing about this 'thing' about me, or whatever you may call it, is the fact that I even have found ways to defend myself, like why it is perfectly all right to *ignore the grey areas*. Oh sure, I can go around telling me I've lost faith in faith, but the irony is, I can say things, but what's stirring within can't be denied. 'If you believe, you will.'

Not that it's a bad thing really, just, extreme. And which leaves her extra-susceptible to disappointments and let downs, especially when the rest of the world are sceptics.