This dilemma
I have always struggled with this craving for anonymity. With this blog, my struggle is a lost battle, a fact that I have resigned to.
I have come to accept the open-book quality of my life, and that this public alter ego is something that I have to live with. At several pockets of time past, I dreaded the nakedness, but I have learnt how to acquire the strength to feign ignorance, and on many occasions, even though I feel remorse for allowing this public intrusion into the personal quarters of my life, I try very hard to take all of it in stride and do the very best that I can.
Yet there is nothing I wish more than to turn back time and erase the opportunities for you to have known who minishorts is, the life she leads and the predictability of the future she is bound to face.
Herein lies the dilemma of the jaded blogger, at a point of her development in life, when she realizes that the very act of blogging has become internalized. Blogging has become as necessary as breakfast in the morning: on occasions, yes, she skips a post, but more often than not, it is rudimentary and habitual, even boring. It is occasionally spectacular, like those once-in-a-while trips to Klang for bakuteh, and other occasions may prove memorable enough to call for photographs too.
Alas, unlike breakfasts, blog posts are not excretable via the rectum. They remain locked in cyberspace, or in private collapsible folders. Of course, you may say that the option to flush away all these dreaded recordings lies at the tip of a forefinger, literally, click a mouse and it will all be trashed.
But I daren?t do so.
And so I was left with this dilemma. Almost three two and a half year?s worth of past memories? kept in the recesses of the vast blogosphere. What do I do with this junk?
Times like this I cross my fingers and hope to death that a tainted past will not affect a hopeful future.
February 3rd, 2005 at 9:10 am
The past is what makes us who we are in the first place, there is nothing to be ashamed about it. It’s how we deal with the consequences of the things around us that determine future outcomes.
February 3rd, 2005 at 9:54 am
We lie and hide in the past, the present and even the future.
February 3rd, 2005 at 3:14 pm
Shit.. your dad’s here too?
February 3rd, 2005 at 3:20 pm
i dunno who the heck is mr daddy !!
February 3rd, 2005 at 4:02 pm
wh0’s j00or d4ddy?!!?
February 3rd, 2005 at 4:19 pm
Mr Daddy? My, my, minishorts.
As for me - I guess it’s a bridge I burnt a long time ago. No way back now, aiyo!
February 3rd, 2005 at 7:31 pm
You can try to published them (your junk) into a book. I’ll buy one.
February 4th, 2005 at 12:38 am
Gross misconception & understanding of Past, Present & Future.
Time as you experience it is an illusion caused by your own physical senses and so it seems to you that one moment exists and is gone forever.
Understand, everything in the universe exists at ONE TIME simultaneously. The past is seldom what you remember it to be, for you have already rearranged it from the instant of any given event.
The past is being constantly recreated by each individual as attitudes and associations change. This is an actual recreation, not a symbolic one. The child is indeed still within the man, but he is not the child that ‘was’, for even the child within the man constantly changes.
Therefore every action in your present affects actions you call past. It is possible to react in the past to an event that has not occurred, and to be influenced by your own future.
It is also possible for an individual to react in the past to an event in the future, which in your terms, may never occur.
No event is predestined. Any given event can be changed not only before and during but after its occurrence. The individual is hardly at the mercy of past events, for he changes them constantly. He is hardly at the mercy of future events, for he changes these not only before but after their happening. Individual?s future actions are not dependent upon a concrete finished past, for such a past never existed.
The past is as real as the future, no more or less. There is a part of you that is NOT locked within physical reality, and that part of you knows that there is only an Eternal Now. The part of you that knows is the whole self, your inner and outer ego (all that you are).
February 4th, 2005 at 1:41 am
mwt: pretentious zzzzzz…..
February 4th, 2005 at 1:45 am
I have the same struggle as yours. Not sure how to deal with it though. My blog has always been an outlet for me to say things that are on my mind yet I can’t help but to see my personal friends coming across my blog every now and then.
I’m getting tired of hiding certain truth in order not to offend and deleting post just because people I know are reading. I wish I don’t have to end up closing my blog altogether.
*sniff*
February 4th, 2005 at 8:02 am
N’drew: don’t close the blog. At the end of the day, it builds character?a thick skin always equates character. hahhaha