Confession(s)
Feb 04, 2005 in Curse-spouter, Gender-bender
I know that minishorts.net is most of the time a horribly sad place to be?the term 'intense' is just a very weak moniker to substitute this truth: THIS PLACE SPELLS DEPRESSION. So after so many years, I'd like to apologize for my lack of fun.
See, the truth is, minishorts has always been ghastly at her feeble attempts to humour the public. Now she has been trying very, very hard to be funny?but it never works. The problem lies in the admitted FACT that minishorts is too kiasu-ist and too feminist of a woman, which results in an ongoing outburst of rantings, rantings, and more rantings.
This makes for the ultimate woman syndrome. Disclaimer: Sweeping statements ahead!!! EVERY WOMAN WILL EVENTUALLY DEGENERATE INTO THE NAGGING HOUSEWIFE. Every woman will. I kid you not. She will, she will…. I mean, the perfect example is talking to you here.
Look, see! EVERY SINGLE DAY I come here to nag, nag and nag… nag nag nag. It's such a non-stop exercise, this blogging self-nagging activity, that I can't, for the love of God, fanthom why I keep doing it. But I just do it. And this blog, OBVIOUSLY, has morphed into a perfect excuse to do it in artistic finesse. Hah. Kononnya. Hah.
Maybe I got this from my mum, she got it from her mum, who, in turn, got it from HER own mum. AND I THINK IT'S THE SAME THE WORLD OVER, ALL WOMEN like to nag, because they are in love with having problems, and when they are not suffering from a problem, they will nag and nag (woe befall the poor man who has given his weak heart to her) until he cannot take it anymore and *GASP* does a 'I-can't-take-it-anymore-therefore-I-shall-leave-you-forever-you-bloody-biatch' move.
That's why you see ah, when you read a damn funny satirical blog, it's written by a man, and the sad sad 'OMIGOD MY HEART'S IN PIECES' blogs are written by women.
Actually I think most women are addicted to depression. Kalau tak depressed pun they make up stories to kid themselves so that they will be depressed, so that poor boyfriend/lougong/abang/korkor/hubby will come to the rescue and be that temporary 'knight in shining armour'.
But I digress and move on to what happened at 9.30 a.m. today.
Minishorts is checking her e-mail. Phone call from Mummy.
'Morning, are you free to talk?'
'Yes Ma. Free. Talk.'
'What were you and Eric doing downstairs after I went to bed?'
'Watching TV, reading Female magazine and talking to each other lah.'
'Really?'
'Of course, really. Why?'
'Are you sure?'
'Ma… can you tell me what's wrong?'
'You tell me what's wrong?'
'Huh?'
'I found your bra under the cushions.'
Wooops.
'So?'
'You didn't… did you?'
'Did what???'
'What-what …'
'What???'
'You know lah… Aiyoh…. what is happening… how can you do this bla-bla.. bla-bla-bla… bla bla bla bla bla…'
'Wait wait wait…'
'You don't love yourself bla bla… bla bla bla… bla bla bla bla bla…'
'WAIT!!! Ma… I never wear a BRA to bed… you don't encourage it, remember?'
'Yeah… but why do you leave it downstairs? You know ah… bla bla bla….'
'Wait wait wait… WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING LAH… he left early and I stayed up watching Latte…. then I took it off lah….'
'Then why is it under the cushion? Ha? Bla bla bla…'
'Wait wait wait wait wait…. Ma, I just threw it there lah. Didn't take it up…'
Pengsan.
Well. That is the whole piece of truth. Take it. Or leave it.
And, urm. This message goes out NOT only to my mum. You tak b-lif, you punya pasal.



