just minishorts.

On Feb 1, I had a bout of thrush. This was when I was exposed to a horridly burning sensation in my groin. It itched, and it itched, and in the middle of the night, my hands (with very short nails) were scurrying all over my lower part, trying to relieve the discomfort.

The next morning, I woke up to a thick, ooey, gooey, curdled yoghurt-like texture oozing out of THAT part. Now this freaked the shit out of me. I went to the panel doctor. Whose first question was, 'Are you are virgin?'

Like wtf? 'No I haven't had sex yet. I'm single.'

'Yes but did you have sex?'
'I just said I'm a virgin!!! I think the reason for this thrush is from somewhere else. Does oysters as a dish cause a fungal infection? I had over three dozen last night from a buffet.'
'No. Food is not the reason. Usually it's because you're not dry enough.'
'Huh?'
'You are wet. Down there. You don't keep dry. Are you sure you did not have sex?'

Fact: You have to keep that area dry, because a wet environment promotes yeast growth. There's something called a vaginal powder, and I use it to keep dry. But some doctors don't know what that is.

' Is it ok to use Vagisil?'
'What is Vagisil?'

A female doctor, who doesn't know the brand of a non-talc deodorant powder (made with cornstarch, costs about RM32 at your nearest Guardian Pharmacy). Urm.

'It's a vaginal powder. Not talc-based.'
'Oh. Never heard of it,' she pushed my question aside. Maybe she didn't want to sound more stupid than her patient. Immediately she told me about my nightmare-come-alive. 'Let me tell you. I'll give you this. You stick it up there, you go to sleep, the next day you wake up, at night you stick it up there again, you go to sleep again, then you do this again and again for two weeks.'

Shit. STICK Something up there. I've never even used a tampon in my entire life. But. The whole experience was brand new, the doctor said it wasn't the oysters (she didn't even bother to ask me if the food was raw), and this seemed like the only way. Actually. I asked her.

'Is there no other way?'
'No. You have to stick it in.'

So I got intro-ed into the thing called a pessary. Shucks. It was yellow, it was uncomfortable, and I had to stick it up my body with two fingers. It took me like 1 hour of squirming just to get it in, and I couldn't sleep the whole night (not used to it mah). The next day I went back to her.

'Are you sure there's no other way?'
'No.'

She gave me more pessaries for the rest of the week. I decided to go to another doctor, this time a man. And I was braver, mind you.

'Can I not use this pessary thing? I don't like shoving things up my body.'
'You're the only one who's complained so far.'
'Any thing I can just take orally?'
'Diflucan.'

He gave me a prescription for RM32.00 (sans the discount) for a blue pill from Pfizer, called his regular pharmacist to give me a discount, and sent me straight to this hot chick with the kind eyes. I paid 26 bucks for the pill and she told me, in any event that I needed it again, I'd just go back to her, and she'd remember me.

Diflucan. It's the miracle drug. The solution to your occasional vaginal itch. I found it. Now YOU KNOW from me, first, which oral medication you can opt for just in case you, like me, don't like shoving pessaries up your vagina.

Long story eh? The thing is, yesterday/today, I had my second thrush attack. The yoghurt came back!

I got my second pill from the same pharmacist (based on the old prescription), and I asked her the possibility of developing a thrush infection after a heavy oyster intake. (Remember, since Friday, I've had over 3 kgs worth of oysters, fried with eggs and spring onion).

'The oysters are fresh?'
'Yes fresh.'
'Cooked?'
'Urm. Not very lah. Too cooked not nice.'
'Maybe … you have an allergy towards not-so-cooked oysters. And it causes you to itch.'

With that, she smiled at me with this twinkly look in her eyes.

And that, my dears, tells you that thrush is NOT an STD.

UPDATE Oooh… by a certain chance of fate (or whichever way you want to put it), this all happened on International Women's Day… this is like oh-so-cool right? HA!

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