minishorts.net

More mundane things

Filed under Being a Woman

At the end of the day, the purpose of this blog was to tell you… actually, to tell myself, what happened today.

Eric came during lunch and whisked me to one of those very dirty Chinese-hawker styled restaurants, where we enjoyed a scrumptious meal of char kuey teow and pan mee.

Later, when I got home, Mum and me went to The Curve where I blew another 138 bucks on two pwetty tops from Phillipine-based Kamiseta. Very nice brand, ladies. I like the colours and their cuts. Oh, and if you buy their clothes you get to go home with a very nice bag with Natalie Portman in a tight-green-T.

I seem to have settled down into this lifestyle… being a freelancer is like this, when hectic moments come, I don't even have the time to sleep, but when it's low season, here I am… waking up at 11 am in the morning, and strutting around the house trying to complete some chores. I could actually get used to this, if only the peak seasons weren't so tiring. Last week was a nightmare. The stress was so incredibly tense that I unleashed a side of me that had never seen the living daylights before. Obviously that carthatic release was quite uninvited, and I don't hope to be like that again.

Actually I do have thoughts today. I like beating about the bush, if you don't mind… I just didn't want weird people to start saying weird things… so the above was just a prelude. Or a distraction to get you tired of reading.

A friend, M, told me about his first love today.

'She just sent me an SMS telling me she just got married, asked me for my address, and one week later she sent me the wedding pictures.'

I asked him were they in touch after the break?

'Once in a while. Via SMS.'

I asked him who initiated the split.

'That was my fault. I stupidly encouraged her to go meet her ex-bf, because I could see she was still thinking about him. Thought I could get him out of the way. but plan backfired.'

Ouch.

It wasn't a coincidence that today minishorts was bugging an ex asking him how he was today. But listening to M talk, I started thinking about my first ex, too. Yay, he of the returned-book-in-torn-state fame. But talking about sending wedding photos to the ex.

The truth is, I've always wondered whether I'll want to do it. The sending of photos gesture that is. So I told M, 'But i do wonder whether i will want to send photos of me and my husband-to-be when i get married back to my first ex…'

M said, 'You can if you want to get back at it. It works, trust me.'

Yes I do did wonder. Maybe I still do.

Why do we women have this incontrollable urge to want to get back in whatever way possible?

I don't really give a damn anymore, but deep inside I know I'll feel damn good if I eventually do walk down the aisle with someone who really loves me and who I really love in return, and accompanying that is the feeling of, 'HAH… you lost this babe…' when I send my wedding pics to the first person, the guy who decided I was a hot piece of metal too disgusting to keep.

It's not that I want him back. It's just 'getting even'.

So petty. So stupid. So idiotic. So… female. At yet you get that urge of wanting to do it.

But you know I won't to it. I'm just admitting it here. Yes I do want to do it. But it's silly. And that person just doesn't deserve the privilege of being hurt by me even. Because it doesn't matter anymore.

Well… 3 years down the road (when my bio-clock starts ringing and I start to bug someone to marry me), we'll talk about this dilemma again.