Why is falling in love so darn difficult
Somehow when it's past the witching hour I always think about really horrible thoughts. Just like the other day, I'm at that 'shit things are going wrong' stage, and this insecurity just isn't becoming at all.
Today I picked up my boyfriend after work (for a late dinner), and while I was gripping the steering wheel, the most awful feeling started to envelope me. Like a disgusting veil, it wrapped itself around my heart and I started to tremble and shake. That feeling just slid into me, unwelcome.
'He's going to dump me.'
Don't ask me where that came from. It just happened. I was willing myself to stay calm, and when I finally arrived at his gate, I looked up and there he was, smiling at me, looking eager and happy to see me. Then I told him the problem, when he got into the car.
'You're going to dump me, aren't you?'
'No. My dear, what gave you that idea?
'I just got the feeling.'
The night was quite moody after that. We had dinner, he yakked on the phone with some customers, then we talked for a while. We met up with a mutual friend, joked over a few drinks. I went home. We were on the phone. We had a conversation. And then, we had a really horrid argument. Over the TINIEST matter.
If I repeated it here I would be making fun of the entire relationship. So I'm not going to repeat the core of the argument. But it was really miniscule, not worth a re-issue even.
The whole point of this was to ramble about this stupid insecurity. Why the heck is falling in love so very, very difficult? I would just give anything to stamp an authority of confirmation onto the status of the relationship (shhh… this is very, very different from saying that I want to be hitched to Eric for life), and yet at the same time, there isn't one day that I fear that everything will come to an end.
Oh yeah. Eric reads this blog too. So, you can spare those lines that tell me that in any relationship, there are somethings that CAN be said, and somethings that CAN'T be said. Stuff like what I told him in the car. Or CAN be blogged and CANNOT be blogged. Stuff like what I'm blogging now. Uh. Like I don't already know that?! I can pull out any Tom, Dick and Harry on the road, and he doesn't even have to have dated someone to know this.
Now the contradictory mantra is always, 'If you can't tell your partner things, then how are you going to stay with each other? Communicating is about honesty.'
So. This is as honest as it gets.
Oh, you might also be interested to find out that I'm ALSO wearing a Whisper with Wings Ultra Thin Long pad, so … maybe THAT has contributed to this yo-yo condition of mine.
April 7th, 2005 at 2:50 am
You know what I’m going say anyway. Being repeatedly insecure about it isn’t going to help. It’s only going to keep eating you up until one way or another your worst fears come true by your hand.
Don’t let it consume you chooki. Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you. Just allow yourself to be happy.
April 7th, 2005 at 7:54 am
I am not in any position to give you any advice… I am awfully insecure as well…
But he seems like a nice guy, give him a chance…, put a little trust into this relationship… and give yourself a chance to be happy and worry-free for once!
April 7th, 2005 at 9:55 am
i’ve never found it difficult to fall in love. maybe, for me, staying in love took more effort.
April 7th, 2005 at 11:28 am
It might be difficult for someone who had bad experiences before to give it all out again.
You have 2 options; either you keep feeling this way and miss out on all the extras
or
you give him and yourself one more chance. A chance that you might not get in the future. A chance that once you missed it, there is no turning back.
You are feeling insecure because you think too much about the end result of the relationship. But you are actually missing the main part, which is the process itself.
For me, enjoying each and every moment is more important that the final product.
Look back at what you guys did together.
I am confident that you will get your answer there.
April 7th, 2005 at 12:38 pm
I don’t mean no offence… but if you gonna remain psycho… you will get dumped. Welcoming a guy into the car with a greeting like “you were going to dump me, weren’t you?” is totally not on. During PMS times or not… it is just plain psycho. I apologise again. No man or woman… needs to deal with that kind of weird stuff at the end of a working day.
Some people are addicted to chaos and trouble and that whole fight and make-up cycle. I hate it.
I had a psycho GF once who… came to vist me overseas. Earlier in the day I tried to make out and she said… cannot… that time of the month. So I backed off. As it was my birthday… later in the night she said she had a surprise for me. Cool, lingerie! But I couldn’t do anything about it right? She said “that time of the month”. So with some minimal action I went to bed. 5 minutes later she is sobbing and crying and practically going psycho in the bedroom saying I don’t love her and all that anymore because we don’t make love. I was like… WTF?! You just told me today that it was that time of the month. Then she yells back… “NO MORE ALREADY LA!”. So I asked her back… how the hell was I supposed to know that…
… and it went on and on and on… for about 3 long ugly hours.
April 7th, 2005 at 1:43 pm
I agree with AWM. I went out with a girl like this asWell… I loved her too bits. I still do.. But alas.. she was psyco.
April 7th, 2005 at 3:22 pm
Haiyar. first year of relationships are always the hardest lar. just trust each other lar. and don’t let errant hormones get in the way.
April 7th, 2005 at 5:33 pm
Aiyah, hard to say. The thing is, we’ll never know. Trust me, gals everywhere are waiting for that “stamp of authority”. Unfortunately, apart from wedding bells and a marriage cert, I doubt there is one for gf/bf status.
I just had a spat with this guy I like, but we managed to get our supressed gripes out when we were commiting mental murder, so we *knew* what went wrong and we could take steps to overcome them or compromise. I can see that he tries to do that, I’m trying too. And that’s good.
I don’t even know if he likes me. Love me, love me not. How would you know if a guy likes you *that* way?
April 8th, 2005 at 1:03 am
urm.
i was ranting.
i am having my period.
it sucks.
urm. i mean the whisper pad sucks the blood, and the period really is horrible.
ok.
thanks.
April 8th, 2005 at 10:46 am
Responding to you guys.
Edrei: Yup. I can accept that. Trying to be happy. Trying? Hello? I am happy.
Madder: Yes, he is a nice guy.
Graceshu: these guys just don’t want to understand girls, no matter how much they say they want to… so well…
Kenjiro: I don’t always feel this way.
AWM User, MR: [quote]…I don’t mean no offence… but if you gonna remain psycho… you will get dumped….[/quote]
maybe I don’t even mind getting dumped, even though i dread the pain that comes with it.
Eyeris: I guess so. I seem to recall it being very difficult in the first year….
The Dramatist: I find it interesting that even in the comments you can see how a female differs from the male when it comes to their perspectives on relationships. Well, that said, we really belong on different planets. Maybe it is easier for a woman to love a woman, and a man to love a man.
April 8th, 2005 at 5:36 pm
I disagree on that.
My fiancee and I get along very well. I know it is hard to believe… but I’ve never argued with her even once in our relationship. I knew within 3 months that she was the one.
Few years down the road… I’m taking action and already proposed.
All my bad relationships was in a way good for me. I realised what I wanted in a relationship.
I used to preach to people that you have to WORK at a relationship. These days… I think I’ve got to change my opinion. I worked really hard a lot of the time in previous relationships. As a guy, I went through lots of mental torture because I always had to give in to PMS, insults and mood swings and “just because” excuses.
I now know… it doesn’t have to be that way.
Sometimes no matter how hard you work at it… you just ain’t compatible.
April 9th, 2005 at 12:25 am
no arguments = no confrontations?
no confrontations = not being honest with your feelings/stands/thoughts?
I don’t mean to step on anyone’s tail. Perhaps it’s PMS, perhaps not. I know we girls are suppose to control our mood swings but we can’t control our hormones. I know some girls give our gender a bad name because of PMS (an excuse overly used, badly used, unshamedly used) yet I do know of some girls who are really affected by PMS.
Bleh. I don’t know chooks, perhaps I’m in your same state so I am for PMS. *haha!*
Laurier is my best friend at the moment, too. Blergh. Purposely chomp on pineapples so to speed up the flow = menstruation ends faster. *heh*
If there is ever something that I could directly use to remove all relationship insecurities, I’d like some of it, please.
April 11th, 2005 at 2:36 pm
“no arguments = no confrontations?
no confrontations = not being honest with your feelings/stands/thoughts?”
… like I said… I know it is hard to believe.
I also get some ridiculous comments like… “it is healthy to argue every once in a while…” or “maybe you aren’t pushing your relationship comfort zones…”
… all these sort of statements. Really, I think it is absolutely ridiculous that people can think that way. If you get along… you just get along la… why must go cari pasal?
I’ll tell you frankly… and once again, it’ll be hard to believe. Even if I tried to start a fight… or tried to be an asshole… and vice versa… we just can’t fight. We’d end up laughing at how stupid we sound.