You mind your own business, Auntie.
Being 25 and all that is overrated. You take your mother out for dinner, and finally the cost of the meal is on you. That's fine because you're the daughter and you do want to take charge of the family's expenses now on. But God help you (immensely), if the two of you should bump into another of your mother's friends, because what follows is a horribly difficult to continue 'conversation', if it can be called that at all.
'Ah your daughter ah? Wah, so big already … working izzit?'
'Like that lah.'
My mother's been house-trained not to say too much in response to what the aunties and ah sohs tell her.
'Wah so pretty already. Lenglui lah.'
Obviously you can't be saying that your friend's daughter is ugly. So yeah.
'Married already ah?'
THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THIS. THEY ALWAYS ASK IF THEIR FRIEND'S DAUGHTER IS MARRIED. THIS IS THE MOST DESPICABLE ACT OF RUDENESS EVER. BUT THEY ALL COMMIT THIS SIN!!!!!
'No. Only 25 lah.'
'Oh. Soon lah. Soon lah.'
Well, its so cliche and overwritten but it's all true. You reach this age, you go out, you meet a happily-married-40-something year old auntie with three kids and you get bombarded with unneeded remarks. Worse still, if you're still unattached, (as in belum ber-bf lagi), and you get a long unwelcome lecture that goes along the topics of 'why it is so important to get married'.
Why indeed? So important meh? Don't marry cannot ah?
Look, it's not that I have something against happily-married-with-kids women, I just feel that the way the way we unmarrieds are being pushed into corners and having forced to drink in that elixir of 'good woman-to-woman advice' is just NOT right. On one hand we're talking about men and how they can't seem to move with the changes and accept that things are achanging and women are becoming more liberated, on the other hand we have women who push their fellow females to corners and reinforcing the fact that, 'As a woman, you are only truly successful when you get married and have a few babies.'
And then you have those hushed-hushed whispers behind the backs of those not-so-popular female bosses, or female friends, or aunties, and they really, really sound demeaning. Things like:
'Shh… like that lah. Old spinster.'
'Aiyoh. You know why she's so crazy? She's NOT MARRIED. No man wants her.'
'You continue like this then you become like that XYZ. You see, until now she's still not married.'
Well screw you. I'm still on a search, because I have the right to be on the search. I don't want to end up with the wrong person, and even if I finally decide to end up with someone, I want it to be because I chose that someone (whether it's for love, or for money, or for just make do, it doesn't matter, it's my choice that matters), and not become some other old auntie pressured me into walking down the aisle.
And STOP ASKING ME WHEN I'LL GET MARRIED because I AM STILL YOUNG!
April 8th, 2005 at 11:39 am
Ooohhh … that’s just one auntie you bumped across when you’re walking down the street. Wait till it’s time when there’s a family reunion thingy going on.
*shivers*
April 8th, 2005 at 11:43 am
For some reason, “thingy” seems very grating nowadays. Is it the English version of “apa nama..?”
April 8th, 2005 at 12:37 pm
Guys get asked too. And it’s really anoying when your friends also start to ask the same question.
April 8th, 2005 at 12:42 pm
So, when Are you getting married?
April 8th, 2005 at 1:21 pm
And despite how annoying you tell them they were, they will still keep asking…
April 8th, 2005 at 1:25 pm
had a really bad case of acne when in my late teens. everytime those aunties would go “wah, you face so chiat lait how come arh?” and i would go “damn if i know, maybe no sex life, got pretty daughter or not to help me out?”
then they go complaining to my mother that i was rude LOL
April 8th, 2005 at 1:32 pm
At least be thankful they didn’t ask if you had kids or not….now that would be something alright…:)
April 8th, 2005 at 2:06 pm
Ugh..yeah. Worse at family reunions, specially when there’s loads of distant relatives you see like, once every 5 years or so. “Wah..your girl so big liao? Not married? Why not?” and then the subsequent advice “Nowadays girls cannot be so choosy you know..”
Please, spare me. *Rolls eyes*
April 8th, 2005 at 2:08 pm
hehehe… i’ve raised the same issue here
http://sue.frens.net/2005/02/when-are-you-getting-married.html
April 8th, 2005 at 3:42 pm
If you think that’s annoying, then you’re really gonna hate it when newly married people ask, “So, when’s your turn?” And then you get married and suddenly all that bottled-up frustration is unleashed and you finally get your revenge when you turn to that nerdy unmarried cousin and ask, “So, when’s your turn?”
Don’t worry. You’ll get your revenge. Hahahhah!
April 8th, 2005 at 5:47 pm
have you ever considered to keep your minds open? yes… I can agree that it is a damn pain that these people ask such rude questions. another really rude one POST engagement is…
“how was much the ring?”
“how big is the ring?”
WTF do you care! It is my business… my money, my life… my wife!
sorry I digress… BUT… about keeping open minds
… perhaps they have some really really good single person they would like to recommend.
my friend was reluctant (when introduced by an “auntie”)… but later on after meeting the girl he was pleasant surprised… been together for 2 years now.
April 8th, 2005 at 6:30 pm
Ok I teach you all one important lesson. Whenever those aunties/grandmas/8pohs ask you ‘So when’s your turn, or are you next?’ at weddings etc.
JUST DO THE SAME TO THEM AT A FUNERAL.
See how they like it, they tend to stop doing it after that.
April 8th, 2005 at 6:46 pm
aunties arent the only ones who ask this question. Just becos u hv a bf / gf, FRIENDS make it a point to ask you too!
Garr.
April 8th, 2005 at 8:31 pm
yes minishort, i know how you feel too. i’m only 21 but those kepo-chis never fail to ask me.. got boyfriend already ar? aiyo. why don’t have yet? must fine 1 alreadyla. 21 not young already u know.
i felt like slapping them left, right, up and down and sew their kepo mouths!
April 8th, 2005 at 9:56 pm
Whenever, whoever asks me this, my usual answer is: “10 (or 20) years time”. Ask over and over again, I give that answer over and over again. Slowly, they get tired of it and they stop asking.
April 9th, 2005 at 12:44 am
being asked “when are you getting married” is better than “you married already?” or some 20+ guy coming to you calling you “aunty”. WHAT?! Heh-lo? Go look into the mirror.
The fact that I’m working in a private retail pharmacy, they think I’m the boss there = old. If not, they think I’m the si-tau-poh = old. If not, they think I’m married to my colleague. Bleh! What’s wrong laaaaaa?
April 9th, 2005 at 9:47 am
When we’re single, they’ll ask us when we’re gonna have a bf/gf
When we have bf/gf, they ask when we’ll get engaged/married
When we’re engaged, they’ll bug us about when the wedding
When we’re married, they’ll ask us when we’re gonna have kids
When we have kids, it’s about my son got bla..bla..your son how? kinda stuffs
When kids all grown up and no gf, why kid don’t have gf/bf…
It’s a vicious cycle that won’t end la…
April 9th, 2005 at 1:01 pm
You’ll be surprised, those women who don’t get married are usually very bitter about it and have PMS 24/7. Women always say that they’re independant and that they don’t need to get married bla bla bla ….just wait when until thier 40 and she’s your colleague or boss.
April 9th, 2005 at 7:38 pm
Another one of my petpeeve is “Wahhhh This is you son ar!? Haven’t seen him for so long. FAT ALREADY HOR??!?!“
I look at her and I look at me and I almost burst out laughing.
April 11th, 2005 at 2:44 am
Missy Minishorts, you’re not the only one. I get it as well and I’m in my TEENS! Belum ber-bf yet, so aunty-aunty all KPC and wonder whatsup with me - yet they still expect straight A performances. How can? Too busy studying to catch a man lah. And also bcos I don’t want to be tied down yet.
Sometimes it’s worse when the day they ask you if you’ve got a bf yet is one of those days where you’re feeling down cos of some special guy … kiasu me really feels incompetent when facing this.
But I thought you already have a bf?
April 11th, 2005 at 9:20 am
N’Drew : the last family reunion i had was a lesson in ‘how to treat your boyfriend the right way’. That’s not that bad…
aw3: Oh…. must be some thingy.
Darren: Do what Eric did. Plan a wedding. Then cancel it. After that no one asks. He swears by that method.
sziang: Not yet. No one’s asked.
maotai: EXACTLY! They then go around acting like they’re so clever, and say that we are rude. Yoh.
Edrei: Not yet married mah, how to ask if I have kids or not.
Elaine: Sound so very very familiar.
sue: I think many ppl our age have spoken about this a lot too
james: Actually i also suspect i’m guilty of perpetrating the ‘when are you getting married’ thing, so… I guess I get my fair share of revenge
AWM: Keep an open mind…
ShaolinTiger: Wah that’s good… VERY GOOD. I’m going to remember that technique for sure.
kOtAk: Hahaha just like what we all did to my 27 year old friend at a dinner the other day. SHe was so pissed
Eileen: How fun if we can do just that, eh?
sunshine: My answer is usually … urm, you asking me to marry you are (if its a guy), if its a girl I will say: No lah still choosing, don’t want to become like you.
FeR: OK. Thank goodness I never got to the auntie stage yet hahaha.
Chris : I know. But doesn’t stop me from hating this stupid stage.
gh: Yeah lah. but why must stereotype like that.
Kenny: EH I’ve done this before. This auntie met my mum and said, ‘wah your daughter ah… put on weight leh.’ ANd I said, ‘yeah lo, auntie, i don’t know, you also put on weight.’
My mum almost killed me after that but I didn’t care.
J-Teoh: Urm. I already have a bf yes. I am not married yet, yes.
April 11th, 2005 at 2:39 pm
At least your Mom and her “well-meaning” friends not trying to matchmake you with every three-legged creature that walks, or is she?
April 12th, 2005 at 2:49 pm
hehehe, we all go thru that. wait ler you! i am 100% sure you will be like that aunty. muahahahahar! *evil belacan smirk*
August 20th, 2005 at 4:40 pm
at least only from the aunties and uncles. wait till your friends get married and then already have children while you’re still “searching” …
it gets harder the closer you get to the BIG 30. *shivers* My colleague doesn’t even go home for CNY anymore, got so tired of the questions.