just minishorts.

Once upon a time, in a cottage in the woods, there were three bears, a mama bear, a papa bear and a baby bear.

One fine afternoon, Mama Bear made porridge for the whole family. Then, since the porridge was still too hot to eat, the whole family went out for a walk.

While they were out, Goldilocks, that well-known Fairytale-land vamp with the 'I'm so gorgeous' attitude, long golden curls and legs that went on forever, came skipping to the door of their little cottage in the woods. She knocked on the door but no one came to answer her. So like the little bitch that she was, she opened the door and walked straight in.

The first thing she saw was the steaming bowls of porridge on the dining table. 'Oh, how nice, there's food for me already,' she said. Then, kicking off her heels, she walked over and hovered her D-sized tits over the bowls.

The first bowl she tried without permission was Papa Bear's porridge. Too hot. Then, she tried Mama Bear's porridge, but it was too lumpy.

And then, she taste Baby Bear's porridge, and it was just right! And she stood there in that ugly vampy pose, resting that bowl against her tits, and ate it all up.

Then she decided to go to the living room to watch some ASTRO. First she went to the biggest chair (obviously Papa Bear's). It was too hard. Then she sat on Mama Bear's chair. It was too soft. Finally, she sat in Baby Bear's chair, and it was just……

'CRACK!'

OK. So it was not just right. Goldilocks cussed, 'You fucking piece of good-for-nothing wooden chops,' and she kicked, 'Take that! Urh! Urh!'

She kicked at the broken remnants so many times until she felt tired and yawned. 'Time for bed!' she crooned, and headed straight to the family bedroom.

There were (you know already) three beds in the bedroom. Goldilocks tried Papa Bear's bed. It was too hard. Then she went to Mama Bear's bed. It was too soft. Finally, she lay in Baby Bear's bed and it was just right. Covering the quilt covers around her, she soon felt sound asleep.

So finally, the three bears came home (Mama Bear remembered that she didn't lock the door). They went into the dining room first.

'Somebody's been eating my porridge,' said Papa Bear.
'Somebody's been eating my porridge too,' said Mama Bear.
'Somebody's been eating my porridge, and he ate it all up!' cried Baby Bear, well, he almost cried.

They next went to check on the living room.

'Somebody's been sitting in my chair,' said Papa Bear.
'Somebody's been sitting in my chair too,' said Mama Bear.
'Somebody's been sitting in my chair, and it's gone. All gone! He broke it!' cried Baby Bear, well, this time, got tears rolling down his hairy cheek.

They had to check the next room, the bedroom.

'Somebody's been sleeping in my bed,' said Papa Bear.
'Somebody's been sleeping in my bed too,' said Mama Bear.
'Somebody's been sleeping in my bed, and, and,' cried Baby Bear. 'Oh. I know who she is.'

Baby's parents stared at him.

'You know this intruder?'
'Yeah,' said Baby Bear, by now his tears had dried up. He went to the sleeping girl, and shook her up. 'Eh wake up wake up. My parents are here.'

Goldilocks sat up with a shock. She saw the three bears and finally she said, 'Oh hello Uncle, hello Auntie!'

Papa Bear begged, 'WHO ARE YOU?'

Goldilocks was about to say something, when Baby Bear held her hands and interrupted, 'Urm, Papa, Mama…'

'Please tell me something happy,' Mama Bear said.

'I was going to tell you, this is Goldilocks,' said Baby Bear, helping Goldilocks out of bed. They were (believe this, its true) holding hands. 'She's my girlfriend.'

At the horror of this, Mama Bear went insane and burst into a gazillion million pieces, literally. Her husband, the big fat old Papa Bear, had a horrid heart attack and died in the horrible shock of this– this– blasphemy.

Baby Bear's soft cuddly fur was wet from the ooey-gooey sticky remnants of his mothers remains, and the lovers decided to leave the crime scene before someone found them.

Too late. Someone was already waiting at the main door just as they were about to leave. Looking vaguely familiar, this chick had legs that went longer than Goldilocks', and hair as black as soot. Eyes were almond shaped, but more importantly, she had a kick-ass attitude.

It was the Raksha Demon, the top cop West of Fairytale-land. She had been searching for vampy pretend-to-be-dumb blondes like Goldilocks, and now that she had found her, the search was finally over.

' Up to no good again, and what have you done this time?' snarled Raksha, eyes narrowed to a slit at the sight of the drenched-in-blood teddy (bear).

'We… uh… we… uh…'
'Aren't you splattered in that, what's that? Ketchup?'

Raksha placed her finger onto Baby Bear's wet furry face, and tested the liquid against her palm.

'It's blood.'
'…'
'By Golliwog's ears, you've killed your parents!' screamed Raksha, whopping out handcuffs in two sizes (one for Baby Bear, he's got bigger handspaws, believe this). 'And you Goldilocks, must be the perpetrator of this hideous crime. I'm going to detain the two of you now and rest assured, you'll spend a very very long time away from society, if not condemned to the chair!'

Baby was silent as he was cuffed. Goldilocks, however, was disciplined in the martial arts, and with a swift leg-kicking action, Raksha was sent flying out of the door. Quickly, Goldilocks tried to uncuff her lover, who by now, was peeing in between his legs (and these were both wobbly, like jelly).

The next moment was completely unexpected.

'Looking for this, are you?'

The lovers looked up. The Raksha Demon had expanded, she was now twice the size of the entire house, and hovering about 3 feet above the ground. In her hands was a tiny key, the key to the cuffs.

'You DEMON!' shouted Goldilocks. 'What in Fairytale-land's name have they done to the police force, you're not even human.'

'Honey, this is Fairytale-land. If you can date a Teddy Bear, then I can be a demon,' boomed the gigantic she-cop. 'Although, I'm not too sure if Baby Bear still wants you after he realizes what you really are.'

At this, Raksha snapped her fingers. Goldilocks's skirts went up, ala-Marilyn. She screamed. Raksha snapped her fingers again. Goldilocks's panties went down and she screamed frantically. There was another layer of panties inside. Raksha snapped her fingers again and again, and again, and there were layers and layers and layers…

Until the final snap, and the final layer went down.

'You're, you're not Goldilocks!' muttered Baby Bear.

Goldilocks still screamed, her voice by now had turned hoarser, and less feminine at that.

'You're, you're not even a girl!' Baby Bear could hardly say the words clearly. 'You're, you're a pondan!'

So shocked was the bear to see this revelation, he gagged and choked, and in a dollop of his mother's blood (that dripped into his wind tracts), he died a very shocked death, although I'm still not too entirely sure the shock was of fear, of disgust or of heartbreak.

As for Goldilocks, well, what else could she he she (oh-fuck-it whatever it is) do, but to obediently follow the Demon back to the dungeons of Fairytale-land's Alcatraz.

The End

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