just minishorts.

Even idiots would have sense to realize that this is a very generic post. But I suppose some people like to chain things up. Now when you chain things up, things become heavy and difficult to drag, I tell ya. Don't weigh yourself down, even doctors say that losing weight is good for health.

Well, first of all Suanie has labelled me minishorts teh l33t, a label which I very the likey.

And because I now have my very own label (that aptly describes my newfound evil character), I will happily oblige the rest of the world by admitting my open detest for the blog leeches who take the lustre out of this previous Garden of Eden.

For the uninitiated, I have defined blog leeches as idiotic mindless fucks who stampede their way into the blogosphere and completely ruin my idealistic dream of blogtopia. The original post is here (in self-promoting blasphemy).

Amazingly, leeches breed extremely quick, and I believe it is due to their amoebic nature, they just split into several pieces all at the same time so we can't do anything to stop this horrendous intrusion of blogging peace. But they do make life colourful once in a while, and of course, we're all praying for leeches to eventually evolve into higher intelligence. Everyone, even leeches, deserves a second chance.

Today I will attempt to share with you my observations gathered on my journey to Blogtopia, the blogging nirvana, in an attempt to assist these leeches and purge them of their sins so that they can quickly learn how to attain blogging enlightenment.

The trick to begin your journey on the sacred path to blogging nirvana is to realize your sins and purge yourselves of these wrongdoings.

Stage One
Your blog is first born. Behold, the new you, so excited over seeing everything that's written by you (even though its crap) being published and apparently open to the public that you become infatuated with your pitiful self. It is the birth of the narcissist in you, that very essence that gives you fuel and licence to call yourself a blogger. Welcome, I bid you. At least you've arrived. But it is a sin, mind you. This is the sin of existing to blog.

Stage Two
After embracing this new movement, because you are new you are an amoebic cell, you are a leech. Thereafter where you from here depends highly on how fast you evolve enough to realise that you have been nothing but a leech and it's time to start reproducing in a more advanced manner. Leeches typically suffer from the following syndromes:

- You are so eager to get people to read you, you go around inviting people to do link-exchanges. It's fine and forgivable in your first few months of blogging, but after a while, puhleeze go get a life, and don't be a sour grape and get angry just because a smart-ass blogger who's been here longer than you calls you a beggar. Because you ARE a beggar.

- You are so eager to get people to read you, you go around posting comments in other people's blogs, and linking your meaningless blogposts at the same time. You're so ignorant you don't even realize that what you're doing is insensitive, i.e. saying something a mindless as 'I have blogged about this before. http://www.linktome.com/ so tell me what you think.'

- You are so eager to get people to read you, you become infatuated with yourself. You are so infatuated with your own voice you are deaf to your misgivings, you constantly blog about what is the best way to increase traffic. Once is okay. Twice is forgivable, but doing it over and over again makes you look cheap. But you're blinded as well. It takes The Blogger's Prayer to pull you out of that abyss but if you choose to remain unsaved, then you shall forever be untouched by the Blogging Deity's grace.

Stage Three
You realize and recognized your barbaric sins and you purge yourself from the leeching body that once was yours. You begin to hate the publicity which you invited upon yourself, and you hate the scrutinity that the blogging majors are now paying upon you. Everyone, everywhere, seems to have something bad to say against you, and worse if you have pissed off some reknown blogging-guru. You know you have your friends, but you are too weak to accept brickbats and slanders. You try to escape. You opt for momentary silence, and you disappear into hiatus. It is not known if you will return thereafter. The strong ones will be reborn from the ashes and come back with a new and renewed strength, over and over again.

This process will recur and recur, not unlike the Buddhist karmic law, and in the event that you cannot take the pain of birth and rebirth, you will exterminate yourself completely and the blogosphere won't hear of you thereafter.

Stage Four
After many births and rebirths, you realise that 'nothing is important' anymore. You just blog for yourself and no one else. No more theories, no more giving a fuck. You love your leeches, as much as you love your trolls, as much as you love your fans. You have become one with the blogging universe, and one more step, then you shall become one with Blogtopia, the sacred land.

Stage Five
You arrive in Blogtopia. I suspect this final stage is achieved when you start to blog to exist, i.e. you have become one with the blogosphere, and you cannot exist otherwise.

I don't know anyone in Blogtopia. Either, no one has arrived there yet, or, the people who are there are so mightily enlightened, whatever they say, we won't understand them. As for me, I'm still stuck somewhere on the 3rd plane, and occasionally, I slip back into the leeching mode, only to find that its a horrible hell being a leech, so I work my way back. And mind you, its a very tiring climb.

Where are you right now?

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