life, love, *motherhood, and then more
On the path to Blogtopia
Even idiots would have sense to realize that this is a very generic post. But I suppose some people like to chain things up. Now when you chain things up, things become heavy and difficult to drag, I tell ya. Don't weigh yourself down, even doctors say that losing weight is good for health.
Well, first of all Suanie has labelled me minishorts teh l33t, a label which I very the likey.
And because I now have my very own label (that aptly describes my newfound evil character), I will happily oblige the rest of the world by admitting my open detest for the blog leeches who take the lustre out of this previous Garden of Eden.
For the uninitiated, I have defined blog leeches as idiotic mindless fucks who stampede their way into the blogosphere and completely ruin my idealistic dream of blogtopia. The original post is here (in self-promoting blasphemy).
Amazingly, leeches breed extremely quick, and I believe it is due to their amoebic nature, they just split into several pieces all at the same time so we can't do anything to stop this horrendous intrusion of blogging peace. But they do make life colourful once in a while, and of course, we're all praying for leeches to eventually evolve into higher intelligence. Everyone, even leeches, deserves a second chance.
Today I will attempt to share with you my observations gathered on my journey to Blogtopia, the blogging nirvana, in an attempt to assist these leeches and purge them of their sins so that they can quickly learn how to attain blogging enlightenment.
The trick to begin your journey on the sacred path to blogging nirvana is to realize your sins and purge yourselves of these wrongdoings.
Stage One
Your blog is first born. Behold, the new you, so excited over seeing everything that's written by you (even though its crap) being published and apparently open to the public that you become infatuated with your pitiful self. It is the birth of the narcissist in you, that very essence that gives you fuel and licence to call yourself a blogger. Welcome, I bid you. At least you've arrived. But it is a sin, mind you. This is the sin of existing to blog.
Stage Two
After embracing this new movement, because you are new you are an amoebic cell, you are a leech. Thereafter where you from here depends highly on how fast you evolve enough to realise that you have been nothing but a leech and it's time to start reproducing in a more advanced manner. Leeches typically suffer from the following syndromes:
- You are so eager to get people to read you, you go around inviting people to do link-exchanges. It's fine and forgivable in your first few months of blogging, but after a while, puhleeze go get a life, and don't be a sour grape and get angry just because a smart-ass blogger who's been here longer than you calls you a beggar. Because you ARE a beggar.
- You are so eager to get people to read you, you go around posting comments in other people's blogs, and linking your meaningless blogposts at the same time. You're so ignorant you don't even realize that what you're doing is insensitive, i.e. saying something a mindless as 'I have blogged about this before. http://www.linktome.com/ so tell me what you think.'
- You are so eager to get people to read you, you become infatuated with yourself. You are so infatuated with your own voice you are deaf to your misgivings, you constantly blog about what is the best way to increase traffic. Once is okay. Twice is forgivable, but doing it over and over again makes you look cheap. But you're blinded as well. It takes The Blogger's Prayer to pull you out of that abyss but if you choose to remain unsaved, then you shall forever be untouched by the Blogging Deity's grace.
Stage Three
You realize and recognized your barbaric sins and you purge yourself from the leeching body that once was yours. You begin to hate the publicity which you invited upon yourself, and you hate the scrutinity that the blogging majors are now paying upon you. Everyone, everywhere, seems to have something bad to say against you, and worse if you have pissed off some reknown blogging-guru. You know you have your friends, but you are too weak to accept brickbats and slanders. You try to escape. You opt for momentary silence, and you disappear into hiatus. It is not known if you will return thereafter. The strong ones will be reborn from the ashes and come back with a new and renewed strength, over and over again.
This process will recur and recur, not unlike the Buddhist karmic law, and in the event that you cannot take the pain of birth and rebirth, you will exterminate yourself completely and the blogosphere won't hear of you thereafter.
Stage Four
After many births and rebirths, you realise that 'nothing is important' anymore. You just blog for yourself and no one else. No more theories, no more giving a fuck. You love your leeches, as much as you love your trolls, as much as you love your fans. You have become one with the blogging universe, and one more step, then you shall become one with Blogtopia, the sacred land.
Stage Five
You arrive in Blogtopia. I suspect this final stage is achieved when you start to blog to exist, i.e. you have become one with the blogosphere, and you cannot exist otherwise.
I don't know anyone in Blogtopia. Either, no one has arrived there yet, or, the people who are there are so mightily enlightened, whatever they say, we won't understand them. As for me, I'm still stuck somewhere on the 3rd plane, and occasionally, I slip back into the leeching mode, only to find that its a horrible hell being a leech, so I work my way back. And mind you, its a very tiring climb.
Where are you right now?
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about 5 years ago
wow… er, was a blogger since long time ago. But stopped like a year and a half? So … I am in Stage One?
about 5 years ago
and yes, I am on hiatus. But that’s because of exams:)
hehe, you know what this islike? it’s like one of those quizzes in a magazine, ie. “What type of girlfriend are you?” etc.
Thanks for the read.. needed a break from the books:) Take care, minishorts!
about 5 years ago
Hmm.. I would think I’m in Stage 4.. but I’d like to be of the highest soon. Blogging for the purpose of providing useful information to the local masses and exploring the business venture plan I might have planned up.:grin:
about 5 years ago
This is exciting just like another rpg games
5 stages! i stumble at stage 1 can’t kill the leech king. doc minishorts can you shed some light and tell me whether i can escape this or fall deep into abyss? Or i might continue blog narcissistic
about 5 years ago
geez..i’m in stage one.
hmmm… I know there’s no shortcuts in real life. But, are there ‘little side-tracks’ to get to Blogtopia in Blogosphere?
juz wondering…
about 5 years ago
*clenches fist into air* oh god WHATTT HAVEEE I DONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE????
:p
I’m somewhere between stage 2, 3 and 4. depends on when my period is due.
about 5 years ago
Hmm…i have blogged about this before…this is my link………….
just kidding.
about 5 years ago
1st, i thought he was being childish.
but then, you had to blog about it.
mmm… childish.
about 5 years ago
kenneth: maybe you’re in the rebirth stage leh? should be stage three i think.
jayelle: yeah i thought you’re supposed not to blog-surf as well?!
dannyfoo: u, different fishlah, your website is for designers hahaha (which I really like)
ashie: i think u and me on the same plane too.
dracol: hahah there’s something else called pray to the one and only God and thou shalt be forgiven for thy sins. i’m not sure if it applies here though.
suanie: u have, sparked a plug. hahaha
louisa: where’s the link?
jason: same to you!
about 5 years ago
Hmm… not even sure where I rank. I write for the heck of it but I leave it as it is. Never had any flamers before so I have never reached stage 3 or 4. I think this is due to my having very low readership.
I think I’m happier that way.
Bte, I have been reading your blog a lot lately and I love it!
about 5 years ago
Ho hum..as usual, I’m prob lost somewhere around the stages. Prob somewhere around Stage 1. Woman, if I EVER become a leech…smack me will you?
about 5 years ago
I’m stage 4 cos I don’t give a fuck
Old skool style..
BTW i posted about this before on my blog, you can read it at:
http://lilian-is-a-dumbfuck.com/blog/who_cares.html
about 5 years ago
Me me, Stage 0!
Blogging also needs a lot of insight huh? was contemplating on starting, but now am apprehensive of the cahllenges that lie ahead:wink:
about 5 years ago
i wonder how many people would actually click on it
about 5 years ago
kim: thanks!
elaine: you arrr… hahahha… my young padawan, you are. a long way to go, you have.
st: YOU SLUT! hahahha
janus: yeah, should never succumb to the dark side.
suanie: i actually clicked on it. haha
about 5 years ago
Stage 0. No blog
about 5 years ago
I’m not even on any stage.
I’m the guy who pulls the ropes that open and close the curtains…
about 5 years ago
i never sinned to begin with. yet im at stage 4. so yeah that makes me worship material. u can come worship me at kimberlycun.blogspot.com
offerings not encouraged. cash only plz.
about 5 years ago
i went wayyy past the blogtopia … and I don’t know where I am right now …
about 5 years ago
AWM: aiyoh. nvm. there’s a level for commentors i trust. they’re the pessimists, contemplating entry, but not yet.
sashi: aiyah… once a blogger, already on the path. can’t deviate.
kim: OM… OM…. hahah (wait. I go there and worship)
mike: you are… lost! hahahhaha.