just minishorts.

Always you wondered what the first time is like for a girl. Most guys would try to make it as memorable, as wonderful, as PAINLESS as possible.

Fat hopes lah. No way it's going to be painless, me thinks.

The feeling. You want to believe it's good. That it's wonderful.

Prior to all this, I imagined fireworks in the sky the moment he touchdowned, or like how they described in trashy novels, 'The bed rocked, and he took me peak over peak.'

If you asked me now, I'd tell you, 'What a shitload of nonsense.'

First things first. The atmosphere. I have complete privacy up here in my tower. My mother, the 'Evil Witch', kept me up in this tall-as-a-coconut-tree tower, and this allows me to moan all I want. Ideally, this means that I'm allowed the best of everything. That is, Mark is allowed not to cover my mouth with the bloody pillow to shut me up, because NO ONE can hear me scream, 'Oooh baby hit me one more time!' ala Britney.

That said, no book in the world, no kamasutra guide, and no 'Sex For Dummies' book can actually prepare you, yes you, you innocent and wided-eyed 'Hey I can't wait to have someone pop my cherry' chica, NOTHING can actually prepare you for that entire cherry-popping process.

Not even a FANTASTIC prelude of foreplay.

Na-ah.

Let me tell you MY version of why they call it popping the cherry.

You know when you eat cherries? They're those little scarlett bits you find on your ice-cream or cake. (I heard they now sell it in Petaling Street too, sometimes). If you've never seen one before, it looks like this.

Now just imagine this. You toss the cherry into your mouth. And what you do next? You pop it. That's right. Your teeth down on this fragile piece of sponge-like fruit. If you chomp down HARD enough, you might just hear a minor 'crunch'. Sounds almost like a 'pop'.

Sure, the cherry might taste nice, juicy, sweet and all that.

But imagine if you're the cherry.

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

Yeah. That's about what it feels like.

And even if you're well-lubricated, girls, (which usually, you won't be, the first time, you're usually ultra, ultra dry. Because you don't know what it's going to be like, and your muscles will clam up, and obviously no amount of rubbing and sucking's going to make you turn into a salivating mussel.) you'll still be shocked shit. Like your heart's going to burst out of its socket. And your vagina's exploding. Yup.

If your vagina's 'the cherry', then first-goal touchdown, is like popping the cherry. It explodes. Literally. VERY VERY PAINFUL, IT IS.

So what happened was this. After a bit of coaxing, I still wouldn't relax, and Mark decided, he would ram in anyway.

'You know what? You're not going to get wet.'
'Uhuh.'
'I've got KY you know.'
'What's KY.'
'Fake lubricant. Sometimes a good substitute.'

He whipped out a tube, not unlike a toothpaste tube. After a bit, he was rubbing his forefingers against his thumbs and then he went down again.

COLD!

Getting KY (unwarmed) on your private parts is like smoothing some kind of cold cream on it. Not a very nice feeling. But anyway, it was supposed to make things less painful, said Mark, so I obliged.

We tried again. Grabbing both my legs and placing them on either sides of his shoulders, Mark positioned himself for… erm… entry.

I shut my eyes. More like I clenched up and closed my eyes tightly.

'What's wrong?' he asked.

Opening my eyes, I stared at him quizzically.

'Urm. Nothing.'
'Relax, will you?'
'I am relaxed.'
'No. You look constipated. I'm not about to hurt you, babe.'
'I don't know. I don't think something, err, THAT SIZE, is not going to hurt. I think it's going to hurt.'
'Maybe a bit. Relax. K?'
'I'll try.'

Again.

And then.

OWWWWWWWWW!

Shucks. Hurts like hell. I think I shed a tear. Gah. Hurts hurts hurts. I screamed. Yup. Screamed.

'It's in.'

And then, that's it. The first time.

Fireworks in the sky, my ass.

Previously on Rapunzel Speaks:
RS 1 RS 2 RS 3 RS 4 RS 5 RS 6 RS 7 RS 8

Rapunzel shares her lovemaking tips:
RS 9: How to do it right #1
RS 10: How to do it right #2
RS 11: How to do it right #3