In the previous installment of the Cinderella story, how many of you got the featured blogger of the day right?
His name is Vincent, he's twenty, and his blog cannot be promoted too blatantly because of the appearence of a foul word that means 'female dog' in the title of the blog.
About the previous featured blogger: Vincent blogs at http://vbglau.blogspot.com/, and while the title of his blog may be offensive to some, some kind of shrewd thinking is needed to explore further the contents of this almost-as-bright-as-me kid. Well, for a 20-year-old he is a blogging genius, in my dictionary (right now you can stop bathing for week since I just proclaimed you a blogging genius, Vincent).
But you still wanted to read on bout the final part of the story, eh?
No problems but you need to know some Malay to understand the thing. Oh, some amount of profanities also await the unawared, so proceed with care.
***
We know the next day came, and our poor prince (whose name was Charming, no less) was in search of his pretty deaf-as-a-post Cinderella. He had no idea what her real name was (apparently, she was so beautiful he kept looking at her and forgetting to ask for her name).
All he had as a clue to seek his wonderful lady love was a remnant of her. A single piece of footwear, made all of fibreglass, so tough that it wouldn't break even if you threw it off the tops of the KLCC twin towers. A shoe! That was all he had to seek the beautiful woman of his dreams with whom he had shared a wonderful night of dance with, until the clock struck twelve and she suddenly decided to flee.
Poor prince. Want to kau lui also so much problem.
Well, Charming was quite desperate, and he really didn't know who to look for, it isn't always in Fairytale-land that you don't know about another person, you see. But Cindy was not very well-known, after all, how can a pretty girl be femes when she's almost deaf, and usually dressed in rags?
Fortunately, Charming was a prince, and as we all know, what princes have that we don't, is money, and because of that, they get to find the best Private Detective in the world to assist in their search for missing people.
So Charming called his advisors and they pointed up down and everywhere around for the right person to do the job. And then, finally, they came to the answer.
The sweetest looking Malaysian guy with the biggest toot in the world. I mean, the toot was supposed to be quite big, that's why his advertisement looked like this.
Charming was impressed at the two-pack abs, and he immediately commanded for the fella to come.
'You know what I need you to do,' said Charming to the young man.
'Yes, Your Highness, you seek the beautiful deaf-as-a-post stranger, and I know who it is, but you meet me at a very strange time in my life,' said the young Kit.
'Ah? Why?'
'I am in a process of revisiting my roots. And… I am the all-singing, all-dancing crap of this world…. I am the toxic waste by-product of God's creation…Advertising has me to chase cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need.'
Poor Charming, he was clueless as to what the psycho was talking about. But apparently, he was the best at the job, so he asked again, 'I understand you don't really like this job, but I heard you are the best… can you help me?'
'Ya Tuanku, sudah pasti patik akan mencuba sedaya upaya patik, but because you are the Prince and I can't say no to the Prince.'
Charming was astounded by this sudden burst of Old Fairytale-ish… and he searched the recesses of his mind to remember the classical language they called Bahasa.
'You speak Bahasa?'
'Ya Tuanku. Pasti hidup patik menghisapkan, tetapi jangan khuatir, patik jelas memahami peranan saya sebagai mata-peribadi (private eye) yang termashyur kerana kebolehan patik menendang buntut orang biasa.'
The prince was impressed.
'Ya Tuanku, patik sungguh bangga sekali kerana patik boleh membuktikan bahawasannya patik seorang rakyat tanah cerita-bidadari yang tidak sebagai kacang lupakan kulit, tetapi seorang anak watan yang tak lekang dek panas, tak lapok dek hujan…' said Kit again.
'Thank you. But what shall we do?'
'We run a search for the girl. You have her fibreglass slipper. And its smaller than a normal-sized slipper.'
'Yes…'
'We make all the females in the nation try on the slipper. If the shoe fits, then you have your queen.'
Stupid or not, our handsome prince Charming? Idiot also know this kind of method sure work one lah… but anyway, the entire nation was in a frenzied uproar, and every woman in the nation geared up for the try-on-the-shoe festival.
Three thousand women turned up to try on the slipper, including Cindy's sisters and stepmother (the bitch still wanted to get married again), but none of the feet fit the slipper.
Except of course, pretty deaf Cindy, who didn't know about the thing because she was deaf and the Step-Mum 'conveniently' decided it wasn't necessary to tell her about the shoe-fitting-festival. So instead of going to the town square and lining up with the thousands of women who came up to try on the fibreglass slipper, Cindy was happily dancing by the lake near the palace grounds, staring into the huge majestic building, and thinking about the dance from the night before.
***
By 5 p.m., it was getting late, and the Prince was getting tired. Kit was frustrated because he usually didn't take such a long time to get the job done. He cussed, 'Pukimak betul. Sekarang adalah musim penjumlahan (sum.mer), banyak sekali perempuan putih berparti di tengah jalan. But where on earth is the beautiful stranger?'
'Let's try again tomorrow,' he finally decided, and the Prince agreed.
They sat in their carriage in a dejected silence, thinking about the fruitlessness of their mission, and Kit said quietly to the Prince, 'Your Highness, I'm sorry… this doesn't usually happen. Patik pun hairan mengapa patik pulang dengan tangan kosong. Nampaknya patik mempunyai masalah hati yang belum lagi terselesai. Tetapi besok, patik akan menyelesaikannya seperti seorang jantan benar.'
The Prince sat staring out of the carriage, thinking about the dance from the night before.
He was too preoccupied with his remembered images of the beautiful Cindy, he didn't even hear Kit mumbling to himself.
And then, he saw her.
The willowy wisp of her slight figure, doing a small waltzing pirouette by the palace lake.
'Halt!' Screamed the prince for the horses to stop. He ran out of the carriage, skipped a little, and grabbed shocked Cindy by her hand. 'It is you… it really is you.'
Deaf Cindy said, 'Who?'
'Me! Prince!'
She squinted, and when she saw him, she smiled… 'My prince!' she cried.
The footmen came, and Kit came panting after with the fibreglass slipper on a cushion that he held. 'Try on the shoe… if it fits, then our Queen shall you be!'
She tried it on. Of course it fit lah… her slipper what!
Everybody clapped… he had finally found her, and Cindy had finally found her prince and her calling, to be the almost-deaf-queen of Southwest Fairytale-land.
Kit, the wise, said in Bahasa, 'Malam ini, malam berbuka puasa untuk umat-umin Berjoli.
Kita akan berparti macam harijadi kamu…
Kita akan menghirap Bacardi macam harijadi kamu…
dan kamu sedar kami tidak akan beri hubungan seksual
Sebab ini bukan harijadi kamu!!
*Pembaca-pembaca sekalian, nyanyilah lirik di atas kepada muzik Si Lima Puluh Sen yang berjudul "Dalam Kelab"*'
I say, it was a joyous moment in Fairytale-land when the starcrossed lovers finally found each other. Ah well, after the shoe fit, in Fairytale-land's favourite ending lines, 'They all lived happily ever after.'
The End.
***
Today's featured blogger, Fung Kit , is currently unknown but blogs funny and okei-lah looks kinda good. I have no idea what his toot size is, but on his blog, he describes it as a 'Putar Belit Anaconda Besi Berpancut Paip Bomba yang menurut lagenda silam, telah lesap dari dunia ini "ditelan" masa. Of course, a lot little bit of intelligence is required to read his site, and he blogs funny when it comes to Malay. Best of all, unlike me, Kit tidak terjual keluar.
Sorry for the influx of Malay, but readers who faham, you are welcome to key in the translation of the Malay lines for the benefit of foreigners who might not understand our national language Bahasa Malaysia, which is, in my story, the classical language of Tanah Cerita-Bidadari.
Part One, Part Two.
