just minishorts.

I just got back from very long meeting and am bracing myself for weeks of horrible slogging. I'm quite looking forward to it, even though it's probably going to take a toil on my health and well being and of course my blogging hours… but the point is.

When there are chances to make money, at my age, with my commitments (I have a car loan to pay and am hoping to buy a house in three years), if I get the opportunity to earn extra money and if I am able to take on that opportunity, I will accept it.

Which brings me back to the current topic topic of Malaysian bloggers earning revenue from Adsense and Singaporean bloggers being more mainstream because got ppl want to sponsor them etc etc etc… bla bla..

OK lah… I suppose my two-sen might just be valuable to this crazy debate so I'm just going to slot it into the box. Let's see…

Mmmm… would my Adsense make me more money, or …

Or maybe hoh if I blog that kind of public-likable blogs that I know sure a lot of people will read one, some bigshot company will read my blog and think that I can probably endorse their product by being a 'blog ambassador ala you-know-who'?

Wah if that actually happens I think the Malaysian blogging scene is going to tukar betul betul and I will be a very different person right?

Let's see.

How honest can I get?

If I were offered a modelling contract I would…

… most probably take it.

I mean, like why not? Got extra money, got free makeup, free clothes probably, free fashion consultants and people who will take care of your looks for you. Also you'll get something called a 'beauty allowance', which allows you to take good care of your entire outward self AND get paid for it.

You see I noticed something quite obvious about the world too. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It also depends highly on word-of-mouth. I ask you, if you look properly at Jay Chou, and if he were not Jay Chou, would you consider him lengchai?

Eric thinks he's horrendously ugly. Actually Jay also says 'wo hen chou' (I'm very ugly), which he is, really one. Why else does he keeping wearing a cap that keeps his face half-covered?

And yet when we keep staring at him, and we keep seeing him, and we keep listening to his damn good songs (I love his songs), we have grown to like and adore almost everything about him. And the more we like a person, the better that person starts to look. He becomes a lengchai.

Same thing with me. You think I'm very hot meh? Hello? Take this infamous picture, from In.Tech two weeks back, for instance.

Very pretty meh? Got people even say the eyes look sexy. Wah lau… what a shocking thing to say to me.

Fact is, see eyes only you already say me pretty. I mean how you know I'm pretty? Can see eyes only. For all you know I don't have any teeth and I have a huge big scar down my chin.

But the power of suggestion, assisted by the might of the pen, nonetheless, and WORD-OF-MOUTH, has persuaded the lot of you to think 'Wah minishorts damn hot babe.'

Of course it's nice to hear praises than to hear things like 'You are an ugly pig.'

Who doesn't like to be praised?

So anyway, back to the subject of earning money through the blog, either through adsense or product endorsement.

Initially some people who didn't understand the concept of adsense thought that I was one of those who use the support-system to earn a quick buck.

Uncle, if I get USD100 in four months of blogging and you think that's very impressive, you definitely haven't come out to work lah. I think I will finish up USD 100 in one week, at the rate I keep on buying clothes and eating good food and pumping petrol into my car, IT IS NOT SUFFICIENT FOR MY SURVIVAL.

On the other hand, I have maintained that the blog is for me to release stress from work (I work with the media, and I work with the written work, and I also edit work besides writing for real. Yes I'm a real life writer).

But obviously like every other writer, I also want to be recognized as someone who can actually write and earn a buck from it. If I get a multi-million dollar contract based on my so-called talent… of course I will take it.

Yet for now, as you can see, it is quite impossible to earn even RM100k from writing a single book. Not in this country, at least.

So I do charity lor… not really for you… it's more for me. I mean, this is good practice. I can write and write and write and I know that these things that I publish and post won't be dumped by the editor. I know that I can publish my work and I can let a small portion of the big public decide whether it is good or not. At the same time I can also gauge the market response and check out for new reading/writing trends.

The blog is an experimenting ground for me… also an opportunity to throw me into the limelight. Maybe, you know, just maybe, some big-big international publishing company will like the way I write and offer me a royalty to write a bedtime-story book (minus the sexuality, of course).

See, that's a big MAYBE… and it's a dream. Can I not dream? Of course I can.

Another thing is about the newspaper article and its catapulting of me into the limelight… you know have you ever wondered about the other after-effects besides all the jeles people? After all, today I went to a meeting with lots of ex-colleagues and ex-bosses and old working acquaintances, and more than one have mentioned, 'Eh girl I saw you in the papers… wah femes already hoh.'

So I've been thinking about this thing. Of course I have been thinking about it, if I were not bothered at all I wouldn't be human.

If this blog can catapult me into ENDORSING a product, and the money is good, I'll probably take it. For all of the reasons above, but mostly, because, well…

… I'll sign up for the money. If it is good. And if I get to keep my identity intact.

I mean, why not?

I'll sign up since it's going to earn me some cash in a way that I can still continue being me of course. After all, since I earn moneynot through the Adsense (I only have USD 6 bucks so far yeah, it's not going to afford me a bra even), maybe I can earn money in a different way leh? Just by being me, by writing the way I am still writing and still be happy with my life and walk around like normal, like nothing has changed?

So I'm money-faced. So what? What harm would it do me, personally, well except for the fact that more people will start pointing fingers at me and say 'see she sold out adi' or 'see I told you she got no moral values one' or whatever lah.

Not like there aren't people who are criticising me already.

You see, you can't please anyone, just as not everyone will hate you. I can not be a blogger, I can not be minishorts, and there will be people who don't like me either. At the same time, there always will be people who love me.

Even God Himself has His believers and non-believers.

So why should I be bothered all the time… you know, if someone decides that I'm qualified and popular enough to deserve an interview in the papers, and the after-effects is somebody screaming 'wah see I told you, all she wants is fame'… so how?

The point is… you can say all you want… you can all I want is money, you can say all I want is fame, you can also say all I want is something shallow or whatever.

Whatever you say, it will be your opinion and I can't do anything to change your mind.

But you know what? I'll tell you an open secret. The truth is, yes it's all for the money.

What am I hoping?

That some very femes publisher will notice that on top of all the cowdung, I am actually able to write and deliver, and offer me a multi-million dollar contract.

And besides, this is not the first time you've heard this from me. From Day 1, (that's three years ago), I've always maintained that itulah matlamat terakhir of all this.

I want to be a famous writer. I want to earn a lot of money out of my writing.

It's a dream. And because I'm already a paid writer, I want to be more acclaimed than I am now.

Everyone can dream. Everyone can criticise. Everyone can comment. In fact, in my dictionary, everyone can do anything they like, and if I were to be so fussy to bother about every miniscule detail in between, my life would be horrendously tedious and tiring.

Oh well. Rest assured, there isn't much harm I can do for now, except dream about that femes publisher picking me up.

Add on: And there's variety… yes there is. Besides me, at least we have Suanie-girl, who is blogging for a boyfriend. Ah. See! There are different people all around and that's why we're so intriguing.