just minishorts.

I have been a bad girl recently, but today was quite nice. Really.

You see, after reading this, I decided that, once in a while, I need to answer to the needy calls of my loyal readers. I must show you my appreciation for your support and undying love for my(previously) bitter self.

During lunch, I was munching into a wholesome feelgood meal of nasi campur, and then I looked out of the restaurant windows, and saw the white billowing clouds in the sky, looking like fluffy cotton candy, and the sun, shining so brightly. And all I felt was, love, love, love and love.

And then I thought to myself that because I am a girl, I must try very very hard to be sugar and spice and everything nice.

I think because I have such a sweet and pretty face I need to speak like myself.

So I decided that from now on I will pepper everything I say with cuddly words and sweet sweet beautiful wonderful happy thoughts that will make the world feel nothing but cuggly and wuggly and happy and everything pretty and nice, and sweet and amazingly gooey goody.

Yummy yummy sexy.

I decided that I will try to be a sweet little girl and be a nice candy twirled baby as often as possible, and smile to every good person who decides that I am a lost soul (because I AM I REALLY AM!). To say my 'thank you's' and 'please's' and to offer a hug to every sad and unhappy person in the world.

And then after lunch I came online and I saw the awful awful things that some of the frequent and loyal trolls have been saying to me, and I felt nothing but sadness welling up in me. I felt so dirty, so horrible, so unclean. My heart felt as if a very strong person had pulled it out of me and crushed and wrung it and as it it was breaking into a million trillion gazillion pieces. I felt so hurt, so horrible, so terribly despaired.

And I thought to myself, 'WHAT HAVE I DONE? OH WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO CAUSE SO MUCH HATRED? SO MUCH JEALOUSY?'

As I thought about all these, I felt so depressed that two huge tears welled up in my eyes, and then they started to roll down my cheeks… and then they kept rolling and rolling and rolling and they just wouldn't stop no matter how much I tried.

I finished up two whole boxes of KLEENEX BECAUSE OF ALL THIS.

And then I remember, never mind, I am strong, I am nice, I am cuddly and because I have this 'I am nice and cuddly' mantra, I will be strong and I will change their minds and after today they will all love me because I am all sugar and spice and everything nice.

I feel so joyous today because I have decided to do something very very good indeed, and I am blushing from head to toe with all these good and wonderful thoughts that are curling up in my mind and forming a warm heat all over and causing me to feel all bright and glowy and sweet and nice and…

Wow.

I hope you like the new cute cute me.

I can't believe I have to resort to writing a disclaimer. This is the most pointless and blatantly stupid thing I've ever done in my entire blogging history but apparently some readers are plain morons who don't know that their brains are for dissecting right from wrong and keeping their own piece of shit to themselves.

So apparently, I needed a disclaimer:

1) I own and pay for the existence of this blog.
2) I blog whatever I want, whenever I want to.
3) I am more often than not occasionally full of shit.
4) If you don't like me, go masturbate or something, I'm sorry I can't help you.
5) I am sorry but I do not do link-exchange. Stop begging.
6) I can call you a beggar if I feel like it. In fact, I can call you ANYTHING I want WHENEVER I feel like it.
7) I am not necessarily talking about who-you-think-I-am-talking-about.
I am not interested in engaging in any pretentious intellectual discourse.
9) If it occasionally seems like (8), you must be dreaming or something.
10) If some moron decides to comment or mail me and entertain me with his moronic piece of shit, it is not my fault. Some people do not know how to use their brains.
11) If I choose to reproduce (10) please remember that you have been warned and I will not bear any responsibility to your possible cardiac arrest. You should have bought insurance or something.
12) If I entertain you with my moronic piece of shit it is not my fault that you're stupid enough to find me enjoyable.
13) I cannot help it that I blog better than you do, I am more femes than you are, have prettier and cooler friends than you have, live a happier life than you live and look prettier than you do.
14) If you're jeles of all of the above I suggest you go kill yourself instead of acting like a complete moron either by commenting against me or writing against me in your own blog.
15) It is not my fault that your children look upon me as a role model and want to write like me.
16) If the situation in (15) is true I believe it is partially due to the fact that you have not encouraged them to read Enid Blyton and Roald Dahl. BTW, neither are they politically correct.
17) If you still think that I am a bloody bastardized bitch after all of the above and YET you are still visiting my site ten times a day like a blind wanking chicken, WTF is wrong with you man? Just hit ALT-F4 and get the fuck out lah.

18) I can keep on adding to this list of crappy things WHENEVER I feel like adding stuff because (1).