I tried being a troll yesterday
You know what?
I tried being a troll yesterday.
It was mighty fun.
I called the bugger 'an archaic author who is in love with his own voice'.
It was mighty fun.
And you know what?
The bugger had the cheek to ask me, 'Who you are are you older than me who tells you you can call me that? How can you resort to cheapskate shots like that.'
I didn't resort to cheapskate shots uncle, (you very old mah). I tell you this. You write so much, so many things, you argue so much, halfway through your arguments you lost your trail of thoughts and its so hilarious I have no idea what you're mumbling about. The best thing is I bet you don't even know, that's why you attacked me like that. Ah well. I've been defensive too. Forgiven.
And way the people who defended this guy asked me the 'who you are how old are you' question which is irrelevant… you know the answer so what? You going to go home and stay gossiping about that 25-year-old who think she very clever liddat one, issit? Aiyoh…
I want to give him the answer here.
I am minishorts lah you stupid doh-doh. This one supposed to be everyone also know already lah blur blur. I'm 20-something already. I am an editor. I edit books. Academic ones. Readers. Educational books. Storybooks. Occasionally I write scripts. Do freelance work. Write articles for magazines. I've been soaking myself in the industry for many many years (since I was in uniform ooh I like to listen to myself gloat!) I decide whether people are fit to be authors or not.
Yeah lah people like you.
And you my dear, you do not qualify.
At least, you do not impress the archaic editors like me who will always stand in your way to not give any biggie chances to people like you. Unless you stand up and start speaking sense.
Wah piang it's so nice to be a troll to other people even in my own blog. Whee whee… now I understand why the silly little trolls keep on coming back to my blog to fart. You know why?
Because when you get annoying and stupid enough to keep on attracting a potential-troll, the trolls gets a perverted high out of being addicted to dissing you off.
OK enough of mindless innocent-slashing blah. Once in a while I get generous and share tips with people who want to be in the industry.
When you first write something and submit it to a publishing house (an established one with trained editors, copyreaders and the whole works) you must remember this: you will be slashed from top to bottom by the editor who will sometimes throw you a sarcastic line and tell you off.
I've done this before.
There was once an author, an established, published author, who was supposed to submit a chapter in a book to me. The text which she submitted was impressively verbose and its language very-the-powderful lah… means to say, at first read it was quite the 'wow'.
I'm not a very very experienced editor, I must say this first, but sometimes, you know, when you're in the field, you're able to ferret things out, like its a fucking stench.
The submitted chapter had the stench of copy-ism, plagiarism, to the very max. None of the lines sounded like her.
Suspicious old me took out a line of her writing, and ran a search on it.
Sure enough, the proof was damning. Wah-piang the femes author had gone and copy chunks of paragraphs from a published-very-long-ago research article.
KNNCB.
I called the woman into the office (where I was working then). The conversation went a bit like this:
Me: I've got something to ask you. Can I have the source to this chapter?
She: Huh? I don't know lah. I ran a research here and there lor. Took me ages to come up with it. About three days I think.
Me: Well I'm sure there's a source. The Internet? Or something? You sure you wrote it yourself? It doesn't sound you. Not like the usual you.
She: Of course I did it.
Me: I read it before.
She: Really? Got people plagiarise my work ah?
Me: Urm. I have the exact same article from where you copied your paragraphs. If you want to adapt a passage I'm okay with it, but I'm not okay with authors passing off other people's work as their own. Especially not the authors I work with.
She: Lemme see.
(Here, she takes the article and reads it.)
She: Wow. I didn't know I was so clever to be able to think and write the same things as this person did.
Me: Urm.
She: So how?
Me: You have to write it again. If you want to use the work still, reword it, and say you adapted it. There might be a copyright fee on this.
She: Aiyah I'm a very busy person you know. A lot of other people want to work with me. Why don't you believe me. I've been published several times before.
Archaic authors…
…think highly of themselves.
Can't stop gushing about HOW MANY BLOODY BOOKS they've already published.
And then when the editor confronts them… (I don't always speak directly, telling a person to her face that she's a bloody a**hole who can't write for nuts kills the author's ego, which is no-no, not in the industry. ANYONE can be a potential writer)… they I don't know… how you put it… go to the lowest ditches to pull out ribbons so that they'll make themselves look good.
The cheapest shot I ever got from a bloody-very-established-published-damn-a-lot-of-books author was this, 'Girl. How many years have you been working ah? You know ah? I've published like 10 books already ok. I eat salt also more than you eat rice ok. I'm teh fame.'
OK so she didn't say 'teh fame' line. But trust me, when conversing face-to-face, some bloody published authors can be quite the bastards.
On behalf of my colleagues in the industry, I'd like to say this to these type of people. There's a reason why we're the editors and you're the author. Our job is to help you make your work better. If you can't face up to the editor's criticisms, you might not be able to face up to your reader's criticisms. We're not here to damn you you damn duhduh. We're here to make you better. Try to think about that.
Out.
July 28th, 2005 at 9:07 am
you just called yourself annoying and stupid. LOL!
July 28th, 2005 at 9:10 am
paul: I never called myself smart and clever also. it’s the people who call me smart and clever. I believe its the power of opposite persuasion. The more I say I’m stupid, the more people will say not lah you’re clever.
See! I’m
cleverstupid like that.July 28th, 2005 at 9:31 am
omg you stupid person
July 28th, 2005 at 9:32 am
wtf your smileys got a grey border around them one ?! stupid lah you!
July 28th, 2005 at 9:33 am
cos they’re pictures mah… i program the pictures to have grey border…
July 28th, 2005 at 9:48 am
since you’re in a generous mood…:)
what’s the turnaround time btwn submission and feedback?
July 28th, 2005 at 9:50 am
“Never feed the trolls.”
Paul is a lousy troll. The bridge he was living under collasped on him and he was never the same again.
**Insert random evil smiling emoticon here**
July 28th, 2005 at 9:54 am
spot: depends. sometimes 1 week. sometimes forever. see we’re in good mood or not. whee…
but if there’s a circular: submit something… yeah usually they’ll read everything and feedback is PRETTY FAST.
but for things like that there’s a template feedback. it’s either, ‘congratulations bla bla’ or, ‘we are sorry to say blabla’
July 28th, 2005 at 10:03 am
Entertaining post.. good to hear about the behind the scenes shenanigans.
Also, funny irony that “paul tan” is trolling in a post about trolling.
I think this “paul tan” is only pretending to be automotive guru paultan.org. Only little n00b idiots use “LOL!” at the end of “insults.”
July 28th, 2005 at 10:05 am
paul paul, where are you paul?
WAHAHAHAHA.
July 28th, 2005 at 10:06 am
alamak. aw3, minishorts is a friend of mine. i was just joking around with her lah.
July 28th, 2005 at 10:06 am
I’ll try to keep all of this in mind when I go looking for someone to publish my book (when I actually finish writing it, that is).
July 28th, 2005 at 10:10 am
wooo, trolling is nice meh? let me try…
“girl, go stuff your face with belacans lar. add cili padi too. may it burn your tongue until you cannot…. errr, not suitable for some kids coming here…”
July 28th, 2005 at 10:14 am
thanks ms.
btw, academia is full of plagiarism…am sure you’ll have loads of opportunity to whet the saber-tongue.:mrgreen:
July 28th, 2005 at 10:37 am
spot: and i quote, ‘when you copy from one it’s called plagiarism, when you copy from many, it’s called research.’
July 28th, 2005 at 11:07 am
First few times when I read your blog, I thought, “this girl’s whizzing around without a crash helmet!” But then the grammar is good, only the phuahchukangish bit & expletives are added in for spice I suppose…. Now it begins to make sense. I always think everyone can learn anything from anybody. And age doesn’t determine anyone’s level of wisdom. If you have it you have it. This uncle is a bit slow to catch it, but thanks for the lesson, esp this one above. That is, IF I feel like publishing a book like many people do after they retire.
July 28th, 2005 at 11:31 am
As a member of the troll community, I feel obliged to remind you that it’s customary for trolls to bellow the phrase “Fol-rol-de-ol-rol” every once in a while, and to threaten to eat any human or billy goat coming your way.
July 28th, 2005 at 11:46 am
That’s such a sissified form of trolling. No wonder Malaysians are so backward like the Belgians, you folks don’t know the art, the style, that goes behind real trolling.
For example, this is a real, manly troll:
“You! You suck! You queer! You homo! You’re so gay that your name is Queer MacQueer, scion of the Aberdeen MacQueers and son of Faggy MacQueer, Duke of QueerGayFagland! You are morally degenerate and you have features that only reptiles, amphibians and Pentecostal Ministers have! You’re so screwy corkscrews look straight! Also, you are a Zionist, Atheist, Communist, Satanist, Fundamentalist, Racist and Nazi! You also very stupid one! Cannot spell! Cannot think! No grammar! Your genitalia so small it can only be seen by microscope! Cannot use one! You so dumb that you should not be allowed to breed! Idiot! Moron…etc etc etc”
Now that is real manly trolling. Not like this pansy-ass milquetoast crap you’re spouting. This? This is nothing.
July 28th, 2005 at 11:48 am
KNNCB hahahah since when did this became a discussion in how to troll correctly?
WAHLAU.
July 28th, 2005 at 11:58 am
I feel left out - Editors never write sarcastic comments to me! bwahahahaa!
Turn around also depends on what you submit to whom as well. Unpublished Authors, Books - usually hear one month to a year; Magazine article - normally hear within a month. Never heard of a book having one week turn around except for published authors.
Minishorts - do you only edit childrens novels or do you also edit other work. I am used to you talking about childrens books, but this plagariser sounds like they were writing a query/proposal on something more adult.
I take it you are further up the food chain than a slush pile reader too. Do you only get to read the work a s;ush pile editor has already approved? [Or does it work different in Malaysia]
July 28th, 2005 at 11:58 am
Well, good display of trollmanship then. Faggy MacQueer. Nice at the nice.
Paul, for real, you could learn some thing from T-Boy. I really didn’t think it was you.
July 28th, 2005 at 11:59 am
Eh, someone better set you straight lar.
July 28th, 2005 at 11:59 am
Older doesn’t necessarily mean wiser. Take me, for instance C8-)
July 28th, 2005 at 12:24 pm
LOL..the art of trolling..LOL
anyway, banyak cantik punya post mini
He still hasn’t given up btw.
July 28th, 2005 at 12:33 pm
Minishorts, can you review one of my pieces of work for me? I mean a real professional review. If so, I’ll divide the article up and post it part by part over the week.
And, oh, can I troll here?
July 28th, 2005 at 1:05 pm
What to do? You’re a role model to the younguns and not oldies mar. LoL!:mrgreen:
July 28th, 2005 at 1:20 pm
July 28th, 2005 at 1:55 pm
s-kay: hahahha the latest answer to that post should be like this: hmmm… like this ah… so are you going to sell your brand new proton perdana to send someone silly like me who don’t have chance to go overseas so that when i come back i can talk like you walk like you? whee!! (how lame)
viewtru: can oso. when I free ok? yay!
July 28th, 2005 at 2:12 pm
sorry, another stickybeak question…
what’s the scope that editors look at? structure, flow, presentation, originality, coherence?
reason why i didn’t list content is cos if your portfolio ranges from academic to fiction, surely you’re not expected to be fully-versed in specific areas? (unlike specialised publishers like MLJ or CCH)
July 28th, 2005 at 2:14 pm
spot: depends.
what are you planning to write. you may mail me for a discussion. thanks.
July 28th, 2005 at 2:40 pm
hmmph.. im reading it and i feel so disgusted. Please come up with an internet law..freedom of speech is overwhelming with sick ideologies.
July 28th, 2005 at 3:14 pm
Am i a troll???
Cause daddy and mommy never said so…
Yours sincerely,
Consfucated.
July 28th, 2005 at 3:19 pm
Just curious. What did you take at the tertiary level to be able to do your kind of work? Coz…I would really love to be in the field you’re in, no matter how shredded I may get. :p
July 28th, 2005 at 3:22 pm
Char: Majored in English, minored in Literature.
but the degree doesn’t matter. it seriously doesn’t.
July 28th, 2005 at 3:39 pm
The simple truth is, you (think you) are an editor because:
1) There’s absolutely no QC in Malaysia;
2) You can’t write. (And it pains me to see you try.)
I’m not sorry to burst your bubble.
In case you’re working out ways to get back at me, I started a sentence with “and”. Bring on the green, hack.
July 28th, 2005 at 3:44 pm
police: WHEE YOU KEEP COMING BACk…
See i told you the trolls love me. Unfortunately no matter how they try to beg for a date I keep saying no.
Nvm, there’s always some Internet dating service. Can try MSN also. OK Lah i give you a kiss just to make you happy. VIRTUAL one only. Muaks. (don’t get too greedy yeah)
July 28th, 2005 at 3:50 pm
Hmm..that’s what I heard too. About the degree not mattering. So with a journo degree, I should be able to do copywriting/editing too in Malaysia?
And English and Lit…:p Wah, very the text/thinking heavy.
July 28th, 2005 at 3:58 pm
If being a troll will get some one a kiss, then so be it…
I pledge to troll this site for as long as i live, in sickness and in health, in poverty or wealth, till disconnection do us part…
…
July 28th, 2005 at 7:21 pm
Minishorts – I feel left out - you didn’t answer my questions! (Okay, I forgot the question mark after first one! Maybe you thought it was a statement.)
I ask again:
1/ Do you only edit childrens novels or do you also edit other work?
2/ I take it you are further up the food chain than a slush pile reader too. Do you only get to read the work a slush pile editor has already approved? [Or does it work different in Malaysia]
If you deliberatly ignored my questions first time - then tell me … I am male, we don’t take hints well!
[Sorry to ask again - just curious!]
July 29th, 2005 at 8:33 am
Amber, Dabido and etc who wonder:
There are some questions which I will not answer. This is a personal blog. I will not entertain questions that prive too deep into the work. If you write to me in a mail I’ll try to get back to you.
Thanks.
July 29th, 2005 at 6:25 pm
been following your blog the last 2 weeks…you’re an interesting, enjoyable writer.
have always thought it’d be nice working with books…but editing…wow, I honestly didn’t know age didn’t matter as assumed some kind of vast experience was required for the job *apologies…am naive mah!*
but editing is not a job which gets advertised in the classifieds, is it? How does one get around sniffing for a potential job opportunity?