It must be the haze
Aug 10, 2005 in Web-logger
This is the stupid (lack of) view from my seat at the office… there's SUPPOSED to be a very nice view of the lake, which is conveniently missing in action because of the stupid haze.
Anyway.
I was actually going about to blog about the horrible state of things this morning. You know, log on to the Net, log into my WP admin, type a quick post about the terrible shroud of haze that's befallen us… And then you know lah what happened, another stray ghost that slipped out of hell before the gates are officially opened decided to pay me a friendly visit.
KNNCB.
Oh well, she's been known to do this before, so I really shouldn't bother, after all, it comes in a package, for every 10 people who love you, there will be another 10 who don't like you… so I shouldn't really bother.
It's easier said than done of course, and yes, Kit, sorry, but this is one of those days that I'm in a generous mood to feed the hungry ghosts trolls. 
Now where was I?
Now of course I rant about it, and usually I have to rant to people who understand, you know, souls of a kindred spirit and all that sort. So Vincent's one of these people, but previously he was offline to buy pressies for people like me, and he was missing for a bit. Vincent's online more often these days, thank goodness for the end of his holidays, so he was there to talk to me about the scenario. So we were sharing jokes and tell-alls about the crazy people who visit our blogs, and he had these to say about the trolls,
These ppl, they say only they dont like u…bla bla bla… but they keep reading ur blog. I have one such fan, when u post good stuffs they laugh and keep quiet…then they just pounce when they feel like it…when u write something they dont like…they start bitching about it. They have to keep reading u….and keep following ur posts…and wait till u write something they dont like…then they get kicks out of criticizing it.
You know it's easier to say patronizing statements like, 'You're famous, and hey this comes with the package, you should live with it,' as in, that fact is easier heard than accepted. But let's be honest here yeah, I don't really get much of it, if you wanted to compare me to people like Kenny and XX. Kenny's even got a freaking bastard who set up his blog just to scrutinize his blog for blunders, and when Kenny slips, then only the idiots posts something. Like Uncle Belacan said, that is WAY WAY WAY under the belt… and then let's not talk about XX, who has sites dedicated to hating her, so clever liddat.
So I don't get it as much as these people do, but yeah lah, you also know I get weird stuff.
The point is, I'm human, yeah, and as much as I try to brush off lines like, 'I hope you shrivel and die soon,' or 'People like her will just go to hell, and I think that will happen very soon,' OF COURSE I will feel a pinch, that slight pain that makes me wince, a bit, just a bit. (SFX: everybody please sniff and say 'awwww')
OK. Sometimes, it's not just a wince. Sometimes, I scowl in pain. It really depends on my original mood, and with the stupid haze (you know I can't see Dr M's house adi from where I'm sitting at the office, usually it's big and clear), I'm slightly more sensitive these days, so you you you hungry little trolls, here it is, the big wide door open for you to come in and jab jab jab, you'll hurt me most right now cos I'm weaker these days. I mean, who knows, if you do it well enough, I'll fulfill your wishes, shrivel up, and DIEEEEE… then maybe finally, you know those fireworks you've stored up for so long can finally be put to good used.
But there is one universal truth, I say. This is the blogosphere, this is cyberspace, and it is, hello, MAN-MADE. Which means that every man-like feature will come together with it. No matter what you do, the unchanging reality stays and remains the same. It's the same hierarchical shit. I read a blog not too long ago about cyberspace originally being the refugee camp for outcasts in the real world. You can hide behind computer screens and pretend you're a babe and a hunk, and you can live easy in the knowledge that you're safe, safe from all the scrutizing eyes etc etc.
And then it evolved, of course it did, it's MAN-MADE remember? It's a community, remember? It needs to mature. Just like on that very first day of school in Year 1, when everyone entered the classroom as equals, things will change and things will grow. By the end of Year 1, you see the brighter people shining through, it doesn't really matter whether that person is ugly or pretty, it'll be like this, the cliques will form, the girls will grow up, the guys will, urm, grow up too (albeit a little slower lah :wink:)… then suddenly in the middle of Year 2, a new person joins the classroom, and WHOA, he's an instant hit with every one.
It's a vicious cycle, but it's life. And you can't just walk away, walk out of it.
What's the real world this days?
It's cyberspace darling, and you know, you just might be right, people like me and Vincent might just be same social outcasts in the real world. But right now, this is the reality for us, the real world here. Sphere mates, sphere enemies? I don't really want to say I don't care, but unfortunately, thank you, and thank you very much, I don't really care, because I'm in no position to care, no, not anymore.
So yeah, because it's easy for me to say, and it is true, you can't make it otherwise, when you only comment when I slip, you sound jealous. When you say something hurtful when Kenny makes a blunder, you look like a tiny willy. When you write horrible horrible mails to XX calling her a midget, you look like a freaking underdog who will UNFORTUNATELY, remain the underdog. And when you keep hiding behind a pseudonym just because you're too scared to let people know just how ugly in real life you are, you're doing no justice to your already terribly beaten ego. There are other ways to feel good about yourself, you know, and bashing up some femes person is just pathetic.
Try meditation. It helps. Really one. Or you know, get out in the haze more often. It will choke you up more than I do.