just minishorts.

It must be the Merdeka spirit in the air, but today I'm going to tell you a very rare one, a homemade minishorts-styled animal story.

Now as you sit back and begin to read this, I'm not sure how long this story will be since I make things up along the way but I can promise that I will try to engage you guys… anyway here goes.

The story goes that once, there was a very cute little poodle, whose name was Pinky (because she loved everything pink). Pinky the Poodle lived in the spanking clean and hygienic, run on state-of-the-art vet technology Pets 'R Us, a huge home for cute cute and nice nice little home animals, you know, like dalmations (those huge lovely dogs with spots), golden retrievers (I love these creatures, so loyal and friendly), amazing rag doll kittens (lovely lovely), and cute chubby little hamsters that spend the whole day munching on vacuum-packed sunflower seed mix.

Oh they were ALL VERY VERY CUTE, but the truth is, none could beat Pinky the Poodle, 'cos she was always trimmed and groomed, and her long silky fur was always tied up in a cute little baby pink ribbon and the way she woofed and turned over on her back was just OH-SO-ADORABLE! She was the darling of Pets 'R Us, and oh everyone, yes everyone, even the people from outside just couldn't help but pour their love on to her.

So one findfine day, Pinky the popular Poodle, decided that she would have a holiday, a break from the orderly, orderly life that she led at Pets 'R Us.

Pinky decided, and so Pinky made a loud announcement, 'You know! I am going to Taman Negara! They say there are lots of things to see over there, and different species of animals never been seen before. I shall go. And I shall conquer. And I shall return to tell my tale.'

So she went.

Well see, she didn't go alone of course, she went with her best friend the little chihuahua, Hua Hua, and a few other friends… but because the star of my story is Pinky, we will keep them in the shadows, ok?

SO Pinky the Poodle arrived at the entrance to the great Taman Negara, and she said to her best friend the cute cute Hua Hua, 'Oooo we are at Taman Negara! So many things to see!'

And they squealed and all of them who came from Pets 'R Us strutted into the big big place called Taman Negara… ready, to face, anything.

Or so they thought.

The first animal they met along the way was a cute little mousedeer who went by the name of Sang Kancil. Now as we all know, Sang Kancil is a very very smart animal, probably the smartest animal in the whole of Taman Negara. He was also multilingual, and could speak a rojak blend of dialects and languages apart from Jungle Talk at the same time.

Sang Kancil, was astounded to see Pinky the Poodle all wrapped up in pink, and so he asked, 'Wahai si anjing yang beriben merah muda, where do you come from my dear? Ke mana you nak pigi?'

'Wa,' said Pinky in her cute little arfy voice. 'Wa come from Pets R' Us. Wa come for holiday.'

Koyak. Like chicken talk to duck. One talk BM campur English, one talk English campur Hokkien. How to match I ask you?

Sang Kancil tried again, 'Huh? Boleh repeat ke?'
Pinky said, 'Wa said. Wa ai go holiday. Wa hungry. Wa dunno where to go.'
Sang Kancil said, 'Huh? Tak faham lah.'

Pinky was exasperated. But instead of using the universal language called 'English', Pinky decided to act clever, and go back to her Pets 'R Us language. 'Arf arf arf arf!'

That was a wrong move yeah…. cos Sang Kancil, having been in huge wild Taman Negara for the entire part of his life, had never heard the structured syllables that came out from the orderly lifestyle of Pets 'R Us. He shook his head at at this 'betina gila' and walked away.

Pinky and her friends felt SO ANGRY, and the first thing that Pinky thought was, 'KNNCB! If there were a huge huge pig right here now I will throw at that silly little creature and it will flatten him.'

And lo-and-behold, just as that thought crossed her mind, a huge ass wild boar just so happened to walk near them.

'Newbies?' he asked, suave in a way that only wild boars can be suave.

'Urm yeah!' Pinky blinked at his English. 'We're tourists. We come from Pets 'R Us.'

'Oh. That clean clean place in the city ah? I heard they feed you guys healthy food and you guys get to play with a lot of nice things.'
'Yes yes yes! Pets 'R Us is nice and clean, The Place For All Animals is our motto… but you are a bit big and fat to fit inside…'
'Taman Negara is famous for our scenery and the big outdoors. This place is big, so you need people to take you around.'
'We're hungry and we want to go somewhere where we can take things home.'

Big fat Wild Boar thought for a while, and then he said, 'You should go to the TN Falls.'

'Huh?'
'The Taman Negara Falls.'
'Oh is it a nice place?'
'It's where there's great drinks, and wonderful fruit to buy. Things you cannot get at Pets 'R Us.

'Oh!' At the sound of 'things you cannot get at Pets 'R Us, Pinky and friends squealed in joy. 'Can you take us there?'

'Can no problem.'

And he did, took them they, and they eagerly followed the Big Fat Wild Boar.

OK bla bla bla… the trip was tedious, uncomfortable, but they reached there soon enough. TN Falls was a sight to behold, it was something completely alien to the folks from Pets 'R Us–it was chaotic. There was birds of all colours flying everywhere, monkeys with red asses swinging from tree to tree, behind a pictureresque scene of wonderful splashing water rushing down a very big hill.

Pinky and friends were so excited, they wanted to run to the waters immediately! They forgot to say something though, and Wild Boar wasn't about to let them go so easily, 'Oey!'

Pinky turned back, and her friends went to see the new place.

'Yes?'
'You forgot something?'

Pinky was silly. She decided to say this, 'Urm. What?'

'Shouldn't you give me something?'
'Like?'
'I don't know. Show your appreciation?'
'How?'
'TIU! Your mother never teach you manners ah?'
'Urm. At Pets 'R Us, we can do anything we want.'
'OKAY… well here is not Pets 'R Us, you must say thank you and give me a kiss.'

Wild Boar said that because he was angry, but you know what? I don't think he expected Pinky to squench her cute little nose and give him a peck on his ugly face. Happily he strutted away, pleased that his usually failing bullying tricks worked.

OK now where were we. Oh yeah. TN Falls.

Now Pinky and friends had travelled very far, and they were very tired, so all they wanted was a slurp to drink. They strutted to the clean lovely stream, and wear about to poke their nuzzles into the water, when suddenly, a huge animal growled.

'Grrrr… what you doing?'

Oh it was Sang Serigala yang sangat licik, the guy who maintained the cleanliness of the stream (everywhere else it was dirty you see, but the stream that provided the drinking water for the living things in Taman Negara must be kept clean, so that was his job).

'We want to drink some water,' said Pinky.
'You're tourists.'
'Yes we are.'
'Tourists must pay.'
'KNNCB? What for?'
'To help us maintain the filters.'

Well that was not true, the waters were naturally clean, but Sang Serigalas memang licik like that one lah… so anyway, Pinky asked again, 'Like this ah? How much?'

'All the ribbons on your two fore feet!'
'Huh? So expensive?'
'Well, they're your only possessions that are worthy. I'm not asking for the ones on your two back feet.'
'In Pets 'R Us, water is provided FREE OF CHARGE!'
'This is not Pets 'R Us, girl, this is Taman Negara. When in Taman Negara, you do as the Taman Negara-ians do.'

She had no choice but to pay for their slurp of water.

It was the dreamiest water they had ever drank of. Of course lah, completely fresh, pure fall from the sky water, very clean only Taman Negara got one… not the recycled type they get at Pets 'R Us.

Pinky and friends drink drink drink drink so much, until, CB, have to go toilet.

Now potty business, was a difficult business in Taman Negara. It's the big outdoors, and basically, because of the intense level of diversity in Taman Negara-ians, they do whatever they want at a nice big patch known as the lalang field, where lots of patches were available for animals in Taman Negara to do their big and small businesses.

A small and tight little clearing led the way from the TN Falls area to the lalang field area, and after getting their directions from some passing monkeys, Pinky and friends made their way to do their potty business.

There was a very very long queue of animals lining up in the little lane… and poor Pinky and friends just had to wait. They waited and waited, and everyone found their own patches… well, Pinky was nice enough to let her friends go first mah…

So she was eager to go but she had to wait, and she was patient, even though the wild smell of poo amidst lalang prickled her sensitive nostrils, she waited.

It was almost her turn.

She waited, and she waited.

Then finally, it was her turn! Yay! Yay!… Pinky was just about to put forth her next foot to her very own dirty patch, when suddenly, a HUGE FAT ELEPHANT appeared before her very eyes, and took over the patch!

Oh dear, oh dear.

Poor little Pinky… she was so shocked, so bullied, so shocked, that she… she… she…

…she peed there and then. On the spot. In front of everybody.

Oh dear, oh dear.

The rest of the trip was quite a disaster, because Pinky couldn't stop the taunts of the animals that kept ringing in her ears, and well, we can't quite fault her, right? The poor poor thing.

You know, I was about to say 'The end', but I'd like to tell you some facts about Pets 'R Us and Taman Negara.

One is small, one is big.
One is systematic, one is wild.
One is clean, one is so big, it's clean here and there, dirty here and there.
One is quite predictable, one is so diverse you never know what will turn up next.
One is safer because it's enclosed and tighter, one is huge and scary at times.
One has citizens, one has MORE citizens.
One is small, one is big.

And both are wonderful wonderful places to live in… really.

Except, really, we all know this already, there's no place sweeter than home. Tourists love their homes more than the place they go visit, and nothing beats the warm cushiony comfort of home. NOTHING. Otherwise you'd pack up and go live elsewhere already, like Andy who went to live with his mother because he considered that home.

But oh well, Pinky had to go the extra mile, because well, she's Pinky, and everyone is supposed to love Pinky, so Pinky must say something. Anything also can.

So she just decided to say 'Arf arf arf!'

So I ask you, you guys so pissed for what?

THE END.

Add on: You know, since all fables have 'a moral to the tale', this one has one too. I just need someone to phrase it nicely you know, in a short, one-sentence very simple one-liner, so that parents can take the gist of this story to bed and tell their children 'kids, this is what you cannot do…'

So help me out will ya? Give me the moral of the tale.

Look there're lots of things I have to do right now (I think most of you know WHY and or at least, can imagine what's going on with my life for now… or at least, you'll find out the reason next week.) But, that doesn't stop me from wanting to know more.

While I have my ideas and my opinions, I quite believe that you guys matter too, or maybe, whatever you guys tell me will really help me provide a more calculated response.

So today, here's another he/she question, which I need to know.

To him: What's the worst thing she's ever done to you?

To her: What's the worst thing he's ever done to you?

Now I'd like to limit the extent of this question to this: when you talk about 'him' or 'her', please give an example of a situation that happened during the course of a relationship. Don't talk about something that he/she did to you AFTER the relationship happened.

Oh but if you must guess, it's THAT time of the month again, and I am royally pissed.

Like, damn!

Sigh.

I heard this story a while ago and I'm sharing it with you.
Updates: Since when did I say that this post was about Singapore and Malaysia? I was talking about Malaysians. Don't drag innocents into the picture.

Once upon a time, in a little village, there was a young boy who lived with his father and three siblings. Let's call him Andy (because a person by the name of Andy pissed off a very dear friend of mine).

Now Andy grew up in a not-so-good environment. This was what happened really. In the very beginning, there were seven of them in the family, and things were not too good you see. His parents would be quarreling most of the time, and usually, his mum would be complaining about how they could not make ends meet and etc, and etc.

Finally, Andy's mum couldn't take it anymore, and decided she would go. With that, she took flight with her youngest child, a boy by the name of Aloysius, and went off to greener pastures. Or rather, to make her own greener pasture. And mind you, she was pretty good at it. Maklumlah, satu anak saje, she could scrimp and save and she could give everything to the little kid, and that kid grew up pretty well, having the best of things that his loving mother could afford. As for her other kids, she decided that they were grown up enough to learn from their dad, so she left them with her stricken husband, who had now the burden of four children upon his shoulders.

The years passed, and Andy grew up bitter and sad. As he was the oldest child in the family, he had to help his father make ends meet. In the days he would go to school, and after school, he had to go and help the Ah Pek take care of the local kedai runcit. He could never afford himself extra taekwondo lessons, and there was hardly any time leftover for him to do the things he liked. And the rules at home were strict. It was always, 'You can't do this. You can't do that. You can't do this. We don't have enough. You have to take care of your brothers and sister.'

Andy would have his occasional visits to his mother, and he saw how she cleaned up well. He saw her house clean neat and tidy, and thought of the mess he had to go home to every day. He also saw that she had now more money to spend, now that it was only she and Aloysius. He saw his youngest brother reading a fresh and clean copy of The Lord of the Rings and remembered that he had to get to school extra early every day just to read a few pages from that non-borrow-out copy. He saw the collection of comic books that his brother had and remembered that he could never afford to purchase his own set…

And when occasionally his mother was generous and kind enough to remember that Andy was her son too, she would give him a copy of the book… he would go home elated, and with an angry stare at his tired father, usually spent, and sleeping in the living room sofa, he would run back to his bed, and lie down, looking at the ceiling, wondering about his future.

One day, Andy came home to see his father sitting in the living room, waiting for him to return. Now this was a strange occasion, because his dad was usually so busy, he only came home late at night after 9. He thought to himself, 'Now what? Things I can't get again?'

His dad, seemed to have read his mind, and went, 'I've got something to tell you son. It's about your education.'

He glared at his father and he said, 'I already know it. I can't go anywhere. I have to get out and work.'

'Your mother and I have discussed the issue…'
'Oh, so now you talk to her too?'
'Well, we're still your parents.'
'Tell me about it.'

His father heaved in a sigh at this, and then he continued, 'Your mother and I have decided that you'll go to live with her. She can afford you a higher education, and you will go to stay with her now.'

Needless to say, this was the greatest news Andy had ever heard in a very, very long time. He just couldn't wait. He packed up, and he said his goodbyes. Well, sure, he was sad that he was leaving his dad for a while… but he didn't really care. He knew that he was going to have a better life from then on.

And then he left.

Oh Andy grew up happy after that. His mother said that he needn't have to work anymore, and all he needed to do was concentrate on studying. And later, get himself a place at a good university, which he did. After all, the kid was pretty smart.

This time, he made the occasional visit to his father's place, and everytime he went, he would be the good son, trying to help his younger, not-so-fortunate siblings out in their work. Very rarely, he would remember that this was a bigger family, more mouths to feed, more square feet to clean, and when he stepped on an occasional fallen piece of torn paper, he would curse like a goddamned know-it-all, 'WHY DON'T YOU GUYS EVER SWEEP THE FLOOR? THIS IS YOUR HOUSE YOU KNOW?'

He forgot that this was a two-storey house, compared to the single floor, 2 bedroom apartment he had grown to call home.

He saw his sister, Athena, mugging for her papers just to get into the public college, and he went, 'Doesn't Dad ever save money for you to go to a private place? They have better teachers there you know.'

Usually, Athena would stare at him 'one-kind' one, and then, pretend he never said all that.

So he grew up, cleaned up, and he was happy. And when he finally grew up, he was damn thankful to the mother, for bringing him up well. More importantly he was glad, that he didn't have to spend his life 'wasting away', or so he called it, with his father. He was thankful that he was more knowledgeable, and he knew the luxury of 'luxury' and you know what? He was also thankful that he had a father, sometimes.

Andy's got this wonderful thing in him that likes to tell stories you know. In fact, he's so damn fond of his 'sad childhood and how his mother saved his life', he can't stop talking about his past. Everywhere he goes, he will tell tales of how his dad put sooo many restrictions on his life, and how at the end of it, his dad still can't afford him the things he deserved and wanted. And everywhere he goes, he never fails to heap praises of 'How great my mother is compared to my dad', you know, just so that people will praise his mother too.

But of course he still visits his dad, like a good son should. But it's an ongoing case, the dad-bashing, the mother praising, the division of 'this is better than that because she gives me more and he never helped me…'

Well.

Andy's almost 40 60 this year and he's still the half-baked potato who behaves like a backstabbing asshole everytime he talks about his dad.

There is a moral to this story. I'll be happy to know if you can tell me what it is I'm trying to say.

This is a community service message brought to you from the denizens of Blogtopia Sdn Bhd.

Tuan-tuan dan puan-puan sekalian,

Sempena perayaan Hari Kebangsaan Malaysia tercinta yang kian menjelang, telah dipersetujui oleh sekalian pemblog yang tergolong di bawah, bahawa kami, penduduk-penduduk pencinta dan peneraju Alam Blogtopia Sdn Bhd telah bertekad akan memblog dalam Bahasa Kebangsaan tercinta pada 31 Ogos 2005.

eyeris: hey, lets aLL blog in Malay for one day!
Vincent: hear, hear!
eyeris: for Merdeka Day
eyeris: haha
Vincent: i ll do that!
minishorts: ok ok
minishorts: blog in malay
Elaine: hahahahaha
eyeris: lets all blog in malay on Merdeka day
Vincent: yeah blog in malay
eyeris: everyone announce in their blog! we're gonna blog in Malay on Merdeka Day!
Vincent: yeah yeah
Elaine: ehh? oh ok…i'll try and remember
Elaine: hehehee
Vincent: now……….where can i find a english malay dictionary?
eyeris: apara….
eyeris: just taruh only lar
Elaine: hahahaha
Elaine: maklumlah..kita semua orang akan mem-blog dalam bahasa malaysia
Elaine: inilah untuk menunjukkan cinta kita kepada negara kita
Vincent: saya tidak berapa ingat macam mana nak tulis dalam bahasa kebangsaan kita
eyeris: I'm gonna show how fucking MALAYSIAN Ah Beng's speak MALAY!
minishorts: i'm going to do a post on how i love malaysia and KL… and why there's no where else on earth i'd call home
Vincent: Fuckstress in trouble…………has to find out how to say fuck in malay
Vincent: ahahahah
Fuckstress: OMFG eyeris
Fuckstress: wat an excellent idea.
Fuckstress: 'KONGKEK'
Fuckstress:we already know how to say a lot of things in malay vincent.
eyeris: Saya harap kami semua akan bekerja keras untuk menjayakan penulisan-penulisan blog kami pada Hari Kemerdekaan yang akan datang.

Sekian, semoga sedia maklum.