Damn the Menstrual Witch
Filed under Being a Woman
One of the biggest problems I have being a woman is that stupid PMS issue. Last on the list to admit that my mood swings to extremes during THAT time of the month, I have finally given in.
Finicky Feline that woman who was born at the ALMOST exact same time (same day, same month, same year, almost same time) as me and who talks like me (FREAKY FREAKY shit) has dedicated a whole key that will come in handy for men regarding the signs that PMS has befallen your woman.
I showed Eric the post and he rolled his eyes in horror.
'You're a bitch during your period. No excuse. Not even a reason to justify what you do to me,' says Eric, in kinder words.
See Eric and I are like two peas in a pod, but every month we have a silly senseless arguments. Sure, we kiss, and we make up, and at the end of it, we realize that oh-so-common question, 'Eh what were we argueing about hoh?'
Oh the usual: he says something, I feel hurt, I cry, he wonders why I cry, I say he doesn't care, he thinks, 'Oi I do so much and she doesn't know it?' and he tells me that, I listen, and I cry some more, because I feel that he doesn't understand that it's not about how much he does, it's about how much I feel he does. And the thing goes on and on and on like a vicious cycle.
Absurd, I know. But those nonsensical thoughts magically appear in my head and cloud the rest of my judgement EVERYTIME my uninvited best-friend the Menstrual Witch pops up in my life.
About three months ago, Eric realized that these fights are instigated by this cruelly selfish Menstrual Witch. Like an evil demon she turns up once a month and wrecks havoc on my normal self. I'm not sure what charms she weaves, but she seems to be able to tweak my sensitivities to the extent that everything, I mean, everything, is extra-exagerrated, and it's horrid. Oh you know what happens right?
1) I get extra-creative. The thoughts just cascade over me. This is the optimal time of my thinking cells, it's like the braincells multiply incontrollably.
2) Because of the extra-creativity, everything gets an extra dose of vitamins. And I mean everything. For example, …
3) The first thing that gets a shot of vits would be my sensitivity. It inflates to engorged proportions, and I become terribly tender and easily bruised, this is an open invitation. Whenever my period is approaching and has approached, I cry easily. You can snap your fingers and I will cry. Day one of my period, my handphone fell to the carpeted floor, and I had to hold back tears. Day two of the period, Eric told me that I should buy a cake for his mother instead of getting some flowers, and I flared up, shouting, 'What you think I am? An idiot? You think I don't know what is the right thing to get on your mom's birthday? I'll get flowers and that's it. You leave the decision making to me.'
Talk about absurd. Oh well.
4) I curse damn a lot. And the creativity in cursing gets insane. Oh this is supposed to be a good thing. Eh ask Vince or Kenny or anyone. Even chatting online, I curse like a freaking bitch on a rampage. Menakutkan, ya?
5) I am damn horny, but I bleed so much down there, it is impossible to (fill in the blanks here). But I can do a lot of NICE things. Because I'm more tender and sensitized, you can just run a finger down my cheek and I will moan like the world's most fuckalicious orgasm is hitting my inners.
Most women feel like that. Finicky admits to it and many many more say the same. Except this. Men-hoh, when your partner has her best friend the Menstrual Fairy on the monthly visit, tend to have their defences up full-time during the five days that the girlfriend/wife is a bitch. Eh, ini salah whey.
Anyway, I thought it pertinent to reproduce a sampling of the P-Day conversations that I have with the boyfriend. The words we utter, and (the thoughts that run through our heads):
Him: Honey you okay? (Apa ni period means you are queen meh?)
Me: Yeah I'm okay. (Apa ni don't you know period means I am queen?)
Him: You don't look okay. (If you don't tell me that you are queen then how am I to know that you are queen?)
Me:Well I AM okay. (I don't have to tell you that I am queen… you SHOULD know that I am queen.)
Him: Your period come izzit? (Why do I have to ask this question can't you just tell me?)
Me: Yes. I told you adi… (Why do I have to keep repeating this can't you try to remember?)
Him: Oh, then you should tell me … OKAY die. These few days sure die being tortured by you one!!(My girlfriend is now possessed. Die die die.)
Me:No lah I will be nice this month I promised. (He is going to avoid me. I will try to be good.)
Him: You know lah everytime you period I also suffer like hell one. (I will tell her point blank that she is a bitch during the period.)
Me: No, really. I will be a good-er. (He is going to avoid me. Does he love me?)
Him: Yeah right… (My girlfriend is getting possessed. I can hear her tone rising. Shit.)
Me: Sigh. (He love me or not?)
Him: Why did you sigh? (My girlfriend is possessed. Urgh. It's coming.)
Me: No I didn't. (He doesn't love me.) Do you love me?
Him: Of course I love you. (FUCK. Mati. Possessed adi.)
Me: Izzit? (If he love me why does he talk to me like that?)
Him: Yes I love you. (Shit. What do I do? She looks like she's going to eat me up.)
Me: Are you sure you love me? (I will ask him to get a reaffirmation. I want to know…)
Him: What kind of question is that? How many times do you have to ask me? (What kind of question is that? Period doesn't mean you are queen you BITCH!)
Me: (Tears welling up). If you love me, you wouldn't talk to me like that… WAILSSSSSSS!! (He doesn't love me he doesn't love me he doesn't love me what kind of stupid boyfriend is this!!)
Him: WHAT? WHAT DID I DO? (Tiu… the bitch arriveth!)
Well. Something like that. And it gets worse.
Rest assured, the only reason why I can type all of the above is because today is NOT a P-Day and I am behaving like a very normal human being, thank the heavens for this.
So anyway, while the men go and whack their heads against the wall now that they've realized that it is FUTILE to fight the Menstrual Witch, women might consider talking about just HOW absurd you can get on P-days… At the end of the day, the consolation of course is this:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Dez Film Reviews is one-of-a-kind. Every single post is a short film review. I like sites like this. Minimalist and themed, and very handy for the lazy surfer.
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Sep02
September 2, 2005 at 10:07 am
I think these reviews are better http://www.shaolintiger.com/?sectionid=15
September 2, 2005 at 10:13 am
YEAH LAH But ST you have everything else… this guy only writes reviews. period.
September 2, 2005 at 10:23 am
I remember Nil’s fave words “Your period’s coming soon huh?” and he only does it every 28 days – most of the time.
I warned him early on in the relationship that when my period is here, I get 1) tired, 2) irritable and it is always best to leave me alone. Even my parents (especially Mum – coz when she hit menopause, it was like x10 Period Witch) stay out of my way.
It’s not bad. It’s just that when I get irritable, I tend to get angry for no apparent reason – so it’s better to tell people that I’m tired and wanna sleep. Oddly enough, I’m the opposite at work – more cheery and patient.
September 2, 2005 at 11:18 am
well the sensitivity part works both way, if handled properly, i guess the guy can make the girl be extra nice and extra cuddly during that period too. and this is kinda from experience.
September 2, 2005 at 11:29 am
so it is true… gals r more horny during periods…
September 2, 2005 at 11:39 am
I cannot stop laughing..LOL…
I talked about what you wrote with Naz last night and you know what he said?
“I know when we argue, you usually have that monster in you but sometimes I can’t help it but to argue back and make you more angry. It’s my nature”
*slaps forehead*
September 2, 2005 at 12:00 pm
Hmm.. the Period Monster.
NEVER ask the lady to calm down. You just aggravate her irritability by x1000.
But then ah, what are we supposed to do when our lady is all sensitized and a jumble of mixed emotions like that?
So far I’ve been fortunate that the girls I went out with had monsters who could be subdued by expensive chocs and cuddling.
Oh and running for cover when the screaming started didn’t hurt me either.5 days of torture is always followed by a few days of liberty to do whatever.
September 2, 2005 at 1:17 pm
so true
try hit d gym or yoga…it does wonder to ur health and sex life 
September 2, 2005 at 1:25 pm
Ooh.
How very true indeed. I fought with my bf on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. >
September 2, 2005 at 1:42 pm
I’m glad I’m not alone… and usually it is the bf who suffer, cuz no matter what he do/say, he is wrong…
September 2, 2005 at 1:49 pm
My PMS was so bad that day I had a big fight with my bf over the webcam. Our first fight and guess what it was about? Differing opinions on Tomorrow.sg. And I said a lot of stupid things in the heat of the moment. The next day, I woke up and I was like, whoa, where did all that come from?
Luckily he’s very understanding.
September 2, 2005 at 2:08 pm
My bf loves to irritate me on normal days, but when its that time of the month, I always warn him to be very careful and leave me alone. I think its only considerate for gals to warn their bf. It’s not like I can control our 4 days of temper n mental.
September 2, 2005 at 2:16 pm
the other day when I had PMS, a fly flew into my MILO and I had to run to the toilet to cry… just in case the colleagues catch me.
September 2, 2005 at 2:35 pm
everytime PMS hits me I feel like throwing every single living breathing human being who irritates me off from the top of the Twin Towers and onto a huge pile of stinking durian shells. And blessed is the one who stays clear of me then. :/
September 2, 2005 at 2:38 pm
Hahahahaha! Oh dear..*wipes tears*…babes, your conversation part cracked me up.
September 2, 2005 at 2:48 pm
argh! i laughed out when i read the conversation part. i understand how your bf feels.
September 2, 2005 at 4:01 pm
Are you sure you love me?
apa punya trick question ni…like built in into the female vocabulary
September 2, 2005 at 5:13 pm
haha…I was just at her site but didn’t realise that.
I’m fortunate that Fip considers my period a worthwhile excuse for having a bad temper once a month
September 2, 2005 at 5:53 pm
i dunno how much period can affect someone’s mood la but one thing i dun really get it is, why girl tend to ask silly question and demand for an answer which they expect to be. i believe without the first action on that, there’ll be no arguement or some sort. i have a gf and i know she’s kindda moody also but at least not because of it have to ruin own mood until so drastically and ruin others as well. others are innocent and i believe they know u’re in bad mood and they are tryin to cheer u up too.. probably not the way u expected, then u get mad liao… try putting yourself in the shoe and i put myself in the girl’s shoe having period. i have period and i’m moody… u cheer me up but din turn up great, then i screw u maximum. how do u feel? as part of me, i can’t be bothered coz i have busy schedule in changing pads. but come to think of it, your bf also try to cheer u up nia… just dun be so tensed up la… control your mood sometimes… that will realy really help..
September 2, 2005 at 6:47 pm
Hi Minishorts,
The best solution to PMS and get the witch out of your hair is to get married and pregnant the next month….voila…u have destroyed the PMS Witch for 9 months….haha…good idea huh! Ask Eric to propose NOW!
September 2, 2005 at 7:23 pm
EEKS! Am I seeing a double?
September 2, 2005 at 7:47 pm
can u have sex when ur bleeding?
If yes, pls tell me how…:grin:
September 2, 2005 at 8:07 pm
Run a finger down your cheek and you’ll moan?? How come I never get that??
September 2, 2005 at 8:55 pm
This is one reason why you should always try to avoid lady boss and also why they’re not suited to lead.
September 2, 2005 at 10:38 pm
Wahahaha… Like wat Kenny said…PMS = Poor Man suffering. REad ant FF, Scarlett Ting’s views on PMS and I realized that most poor men are really suffering during this period. Hmm… I shall suggest a few pointers to help all the poor men out there
Check out my “Champion sperm” blog, guys 
September 3, 2005 at 2:11 am
There are warnings everywhere. MS already signposted twice with her first two responses: “I’m okay” and “I AM okay”.
‘Okay’ and ‘Fine’ are v-dot-dangerous words to hear from the better half of a couple, no?
And if the better half has to repeat herself, then how?
The ‘Me’ bits in the conversation read like a Beaufort Scale of PMS.:!:
Last things: mood swings and period pains.
The former I can cope with.
When the latter was described to me, I had to leave the room.
September 3, 2005 at 5:08 am
had to say this.. if you bleeding down there too much.. try considering (fill in the blanks) in the shower…
hope that helps 
:wink::wink:
September 3, 2005 at 6:15 am
[...] I just finish reading minishorts’s post about PMS , can’t stop myself for laughing when i read thru the dialog part.. [...]
September 3, 2005 at 8:50 am
Won’t feel much when there’s too much bleeding. Too slippery.
What I’d do when my wife start her “Mr Hype” persona is mimic her expressions (only slightly exaggerated). This cracks her up after a while. Might not work for those really emotional ones though…
September 3, 2005 at 10:53 am
I think guys are trapped in dead right center during the PMS days of their girlfriends. See how..
Boyfriend Caring > Girlfriend PMS
September 3, 2005 at 5:27 pm
erm i heard if u want try to haf sex the last few days of ur bleeding…less blood…but i was warned it will b kinda messy…
best solution i can tink of is in the shower too LOL….dun u find it sexy? =P
anywaz i find shaolin tiger giving better reviews than dez sorry to say that…^_^
September 4, 2005 at 1:45 am
sex during period: girl I used to go out with teared up when I wouldn’t lick her down there. She says I don’t love her because she was horny, and I wouldn’t lick her. great. women. she wants me to be a vampire?
at the end, we did the dirty. the condom came out bloody. strangely nothing on the sheets.
but I read somewhere that having sex during your period might cause some kind of toxic shock, like wearing tampons for too long. anyone knows?
period: women suck. SUCK. The funny thing is that they know exactly what is happening, like what minishorts put in the little brackets in the chat up there, BUT THEY STILL PROCEEED TO MAKE LIFE HELL FOR GUYS.
:evil:
Reason No. 30 why guys turn gay. I’m really tempted really. In the end, girls are good for sex. period. (pun, he he). Sure, they cook your favorite food, grudgingly give a massage etc, but IT’S NOT WORTH THE AGGRAVATION.
I might just play a hetero porn movie in my head while another gives me some loving. Then we’ll go watch an action movie, or play golf, or race cars. None of that shoe shopping crap.
HEH!!!!!
September 4, 2005 at 10:26 pm
Yes, I totally agree that women tend to be more horny and emotional during that time of the month..It’s totally stupid! I would start to curse like hell for few days straight and my poor bf just stare at me blankly whenever I start complaining about the traffic jams and curse non-stop as if I was the one holding the steering!
I do think guys should start learning to accept the fact we gals cant help ourselves during that time of the month.. if u love us, love us for everything we are!
September 5, 2005 at 9:18 am
“if u love us, love us for everything we are!”
… the oft repeated maxim/ultimatum of women everywhere.
What the hell is there in that sentence for men?
That is a one-way street. Saying that it’s saying you will not make the effort to compromise. It’s giving yourself an excuse and expecting the men to tolerate your shortcomings.
You complain 1001 zillion things about men like Xiaxue complains about Malaysia, you expect them to change similarly-biological tendencies like
polygamy and less-emotional sensitivity, and YET you fucking girls don’t want to help you help you through your period better.
It makes me mad. PISSED OFF!! Screw you and your queen-nie behavior. Not directly to minishorts, because I think she realises there is something not quite right. But screw all those women.. no, not women, I mean girls, for surely little girls they must be, who propragate that it is their “right” to be a bitch during their period.
September 5, 2005 at 9:26 am
Aih.. the subject of females being bitches and turning me gay really got things riled up. Apologies to any who were offended. But I hope my point got across:
if females can claim that it is their nature to be difficult during periods, which is “biological”, then men can also claim that it is their nature to sleep around and not be as emotional as you would like.
See? Does not really work, does it?
Both have to work on it.
Everything fails when either party is lazy and says, “Just accept me as who I am.”
September 5, 2005 at 9:42 am
no lah i just wrote things as a fact sheet. these are lacking.
replays of conversation with the bf during the PMS times are quite funny. now girls should also see what happens.
September 6, 2005 at 1:18 pm
At least you admit to it…. Most girls I know don’t, its such a pity, would be much easier if they did…. Then I don’t have to psychoanalyse every statement made by them during that period…. Cryptic you are in that “period”
September 6, 2005 at 9:30 pm
well at least there’s always that someone whom you can ermm..eheh..unintentionally ‘bully’. Ok, that’s not a good word but well i hope you get my drift.