just minishorts.

Warning: expletives ahead and I'm not about to not spell them out so if you're going to shrivel up and die the moment you see the four letter words etc, please go ahead and click exit. I warned ya.

OK. Now that's out of the way, here we go.

I was chatting with FS yesterday and we were talking about the ways in which the women bloggers do their emo rants, specifically, we crazy wankers who like to say the four-letter word several times a day.

And I came up with a very, very acute observation. FS thought it was funny, so did I (I like to listen to my own jokes, oh so I'm a wanker, now laugh haha)… and so I'm blogging this for all to see.

COMPARING FS, XX, Su-Yin and Elaine

I'll first talk about Fuckstress, that woman whose blog is famous for the swear words. You peeps didn't get why you loved fuckstress so much leh… now lemme tell you the reason (and this is damn professional one you know… it wasn't easy to notice it).

See, FS was wondering why on earth did she stand out, not like she's the only one who swears mah right? But I told her, 'See there's a difference, the way you rant, signature FS one. YOU CHANGE YOUR NICK ALSO ppl can sniff you out like a smelly sock.'

FS's signature rants are easy to catch. You go to her site first, read just any post of hers, and then now you see what I say about FS. This girl will fuck anyone that stands in her way, in front of her, behind her, on top of her. Understand?

In Manglish, it means that when FS kantoi-s a man, she will kantoi him kau kau with all the knncb you can pull out, and then because her anger would have exploded so badly by the time she's done with kantoi-ing him, she will move on to kantoi the bike on the road, and then the tree on the grass, and then the uncle in the car, and then the auntie in the taxi… not necessarily in that order. If you're lucky, she might just come back to kantoi the man again.

Super orgy queen this girl.

Anyway, the other much-too-famous swear-queen is Xiaxue, described by the media as 'in-your-face' and I think, much too foul for her own health (and mine).

When XX swears, oh my does she swear. She will pull out many many god-awful things that might set a nation on fumes… but THAT-hoh is besides the point. The point is, there is one good thing about the way she swears. It shows the kind of person she is.

Minishorts says that XX is actually a very loyal and one-guy only kind of girl. You know why? Because you see, when she kantoi someone, she only kantoi that someone. Of course lah, she will kantoi his head, his house, his family, his car, his dog, his turtle… but at the end of the day, the only person that gets hurt is that one person. Her anger is only directed towards ONE ITEM at one time.

Now how can that be a bad thing? The way XX curses just tells it all. Albeit a bit boring, at least she's a ONE-MAN girl, she won't go fuck around you see… she will only fuck one guy at one time. Unlike FS. FS is … orgy queen. That one is scary. Me? I'll take the one-man woman anytime over a many-man queen.

Err… actually I take men. I'm a one-man woman myself. But anyway, on to Su-Yin.

Surprisingly, not many people know the indie blogging cuss-queen, Su-Yin, who is, some say, the Maddox of Malaysia. I think that Maddox comparison is a whole lot of nonsense. I say Su-Yin is girl, thoroughly and thoroughly, and she loves food a lot mind you, seeing the amount of food that always gets into her cussing outbursts.

OK OK … this is what happens in Su-Yin's blog. She curses, yes, and then she is super descriptive. I have no idea where she pulls her descriptions from, prolly its the bane of being a professional copy writer. And damn, she's good. Shakespeare.

I use Manglish to describe things:

OK. When Su-Yin kantoi-s a guy hoh, she likes to kantoi the hair first. Then when she kantoi-s the hair, she will stroke stroke stroke then suddenly she thinks of fish ball noodles. ANd then she starts to talk about the balls next to the fish ball noodles. Then she goes back to kantoi-ing his … urm… neck. While doing the neck, she thinks of a … a… tree bark. Then she talks about the marks on the tree bark left behind by crazy fucking teens. Which reminds her that she needs to kantoi the man. Then after a while…

Liddat. You get lost. But the point is. She is still doing the same thing, kantoi-ing the fella, albeit in a very shakespearean manner. CLASSIC.

You don't know this blogger very well, but my darling girl Elaine curses damn a lot also, comes in all colours of the rainbow. She's focused, but flowery. She likes colours A LOT. But she's good lah, cos she never spells out the fuck word in full… but it doesn't mean she's innocent of this fucking sin.

When Elaine kantoi-s someone, she will pull out all the colours available at her dispensal. OK colours not enough, she will italicize the knncb, bold the twat, orange-ify the fucker, blue the tiuniamachauhai, red-ify the wanking twat. Sometimes she does many many things to the poor kantoi-kia. Pity him also. Like kena drenched in paint and sprayed with toxic spray colours.

I mean this girl is so free, she go and highlight and colour her curses… geng chao or not. I want to post that short line to demonstrate her love for variety also so mah fan, I DON'T GET WHY SHE IS SO … meticulous with her colourful swear word style. STYLO benar.

Elaine is single, and if you want to date her, I think you better have a bold, italized and multi-coloured cock first. Otherwise, you better have colourful words falling out of your mouth as you talk. I think she's got a colour-fetish or something.

When I curse, when I rant, I err…actually you know… You know what? There is a style that I have, I think.

Lemme go think what my style is.

Wait arrr… I'll be back.