This is the way we f*
Warning: expletives ahead and I'm not about to not spell them out so if you're going to shrivel up and die the moment you see the four letter words etc, please go ahead and click exit. I warned ya.
OK. Now that's out of the way, here we go.
I was chatting with FS yesterday and we were talking about the ways in which the women bloggers do their emo rants, specifically, we crazy wankers who like to say the four-letter word several times a day.
And I came up with a very, very acute observation. FS thought it was funny, so did I (I like to listen to my own jokes, oh so I'm a wanker, now laugh haha)… and so I'm blogging this for all to see.
COMPARING FS, XX, Su-Yin and Elaine
I'll first talk about Fuckstress, that woman whose blog is famous for the swear words. You peeps didn't get why you loved fuckstress so much leh… now lemme tell you the reason (and this is damn professional one you know… it wasn't easy to notice it).
See, FS was wondering why on earth did she stand out, not like she's the only one who swears mah right? But I told her, 'See there's a difference, the way you rant, signature FS one. YOU CHANGE YOUR NICK ALSO ppl can sniff you out like a smelly sock.'
FS's signature rants are easy to catch. You go to her site first, read just any post of hers, and then now you see what I say about FS. This girl will fuck anyone that stands in her way, in front of her, behind her, on top of her. Understand?
In Manglish, it means that when FS kantoi-s a man, she will kantoi him kau kau with all the knncb you can pull out, and then because her anger would have exploded so badly by the time she's done with kantoi-ing him, she will move on to kantoi the bike on the road, and then the tree on the grass, and then the uncle in the car, and then the auntie in the taxi… not necessarily in that order. If you're lucky, she might just come back to kantoi the man again.
Super orgy queen this girl.
Anyway, the other much-too-famous swear-queen is Xiaxue, described by the media as 'in-your-face' and I think, much too foul for her own health (and mine).
When XX swears, oh my does she swear. She will pull out many many god-awful things that might set a nation on fumes… but THAT-hoh is besides the point. The point is, there is one good thing about the way she swears. It shows the kind of person she is.
Minishorts says that XX is actually a very loyal and one-guy only kind of girl. You know why? Because you see, when she kantoi someone, she only kantoi that someone. Of course lah, she will kantoi his head, his house, his family, his car, his dog, his turtle… but at the end of the day, the only person that gets hurt is that one person. Her anger is only directed towards ONE ITEM at one time.
Now how can that be a bad thing? The way XX curses just tells it all. Albeit a bit boring, at least she's a ONE-MAN girl, she won't go fuck around you see… she will only fuck one guy at one time. Unlike FS. FS is … orgy queen. That one is scary. Me? I'll take the one-man woman anytime over a many-man queen.
Err… actually I take men. I'm a one-man woman myself. But anyway, on to Su-Yin.
Surprisingly, not many people know the indie blogging cuss-queen, Su-Yin, who is, some say, the Maddox of Malaysia. I think that Maddox comparison is a whole lot of nonsense. I say Su-Yin is girl, thoroughly and thoroughly, and she loves food a lot mind you, seeing the amount of food that always gets into her cussing outbursts.
OK OK … this is what happens in Su-Yin's blog. She curses, yes, and then she is super descriptive. I have no idea where she pulls her descriptions from, prolly its the bane of being a professional copy writer. And damn, she's good. Shakespeare.
I use Manglish to describe things:
OK. When Su-Yin kantoi-s a guy hoh, she likes to kantoi the hair first. Then when she kantoi-s the hair, she will stroke stroke stroke then suddenly she thinks of fish ball noodles. ANd then she starts to talk about the balls next to the fish ball noodles. Then she goes back to kantoi-ing his … urm… neck. While doing the neck, she thinks of a … a… tree bark. Then she talks about the marks on the tree bark left behind by crazy fucking teens. Which reminds her that she needs to kantoi the man. Then after a while…
Liddat. You get lost. But the point is. She is still doing the same thing, kantoi-ing the fella, albeit in a very shakespearean manner. CLASSIC.
You don't know this blogger very well, but my darling girl Elaine curses damn a lot also, comes in all colours of the rainbow. She's focused, but flowery. She likes colours A LOT. But she's good lah, cos she never spells out the fuck word in full… but it doesn't mean she's innocent of this fucking sin.
When Elaine kantoi-s someone, she will pull out all the colours available at her dispensal. OK colours not enough, she will italicize the knncb, bold the twat, orange-ify the fucker, blue the tiuniamachauhai, red-ify the wanking twat. Sometimes she does many many things to the poor kantoi-kia. Pity him also. Like kena drenched in paint and sprayed with toxic spray colours.
I mean this girl is so free, she go and highlight and colour her curses… geng chao or not. I want to post that short line to demonstrate her love for variety also so mah fan, I DON'T GET WHY SHE IS SO … meticulous with her colourful swear word style. STYLO benar.
Elaine is single, and if you want to date her, I think you better have a bold, italized and multi-coloured cock first. Otherwise, you better have colourful words falling out of your mouth as you talk. I think she's got a colour-fetish or something.
When I curse, when I rant, I err…actually you know… You know what? There is a style that I have, I think.
Lemme go think what my style is.
Wait arrr… I'll be back.
September 15th, 2005 at 9:29 am
elaine sounds the most interesting. even though i think that’s a … well, unproductive way to spend your time with swearing.
deleted
advertising that site. something you might like.
was there something you missed? I DO NOT allow the advertising of sites on my blog.
September 15th, 2005 at 9:55 am
Wooo. Women who swear…HOT! I have a theory that women who swear are bold, independent and passionate and I like all that.
September 15th, 2005 at 10:03 am
a good blog…to kantoi all of them…me so free…got to to check my work first..addicted to ur blog..kantoi
September 15th, 2005 at 10:05 am
Women who swear
I get giddy everytime I hear the foulest words come out of her pretty little mouth. Talk dirty to me baby, yeah!
September 15th, 2005 at 10:42 am
Ooh, I love blogs about other bloggers! especially those explaining how they b***, I mean f***.
So, from this particular blog, I’ll say minishorts is the virgin sexpert.
September 15th, 2005 at 10:52 am
Fart is also a four-letter f-word what.
September 15th, 2005 at 12:15 pm
bwahahahahaha! dius… this post made me grin big big, why har? dius.
September 15th, 2005 at 12:40 pm
You forgot to mention that FS also likes to kantoi in CAPITAL LETTERS. Everytime she does that, I have to sit further away from the monitor. First time I kena kantoied by her, she used the ‘goat’ word. Made me wonder who the foul mouthed fucker was. Later only I found out that she was a girl. You need to have a certain angst in your system to be able to fuck like that. Most of us can’t rant convincingly because we have peaceful lives.
Su-Yin is also another ranty fucker.
Elaine is just weird.
September 15th, 2005 at 1:22 pm
“Elaine is single, and if you want to date her, I think you better have a bold, italized and multi-coloured cock first. Otherwise, you better have colourful words falling out of your mouth as you talk. I think she’s got a colour-fetish or something.”
Muahahahahahahahaha, I’d love to hear what Elaine thinks of you implying that the only thing that will fuck her is a Martian with a Microsoft word prick.
Yes you did. Yes you did. Yes you did.
(This time I am early for the pervert post.)
September 15th, 2005 at 1:42 pm
haha!! malaysian girls sure do curse in a more vibrant and more interesting manner beyond the usual KNNBCCBs.
erm, care to enlighten this singaporean swah-koo here what ‘kantoi’ means?
coincidentally, i posted a couple of tamil swear words which i learnt on my blog entry yesterday. may it can help u embellish the blogsphere.
September 15th, 2005 at 1:43 pm
Ladida…I think I hardly swear. I’m such an angel
September 15th, 2005 at 1:44 pm
Thank you babes, really. Now I’m just a weirdo with a thing for wanking Martians with Microsoft dicks that probably spews rainbow-coloured ejaculation.
Yup, I can foresee my extremely illuminating love-life in the future now…:twisted:
P/s: In my defense…dammit woman, I only use blue & orange a lot…
September 15th, 2005 at 1:56 pm
“Elaine is single, and if you want to date her…”
GODDAMNIT I AM SINGLE TOO DATE ME KTHXBAI.
September 15th, 2005 at 1:58 pm
i heart su-yin! *waves banner around*
September 15th, 2005 at 2:41 pm
i first addicted to elaine’s blog. yeah, wht a colourful way to kantoi ppl, and the fact tht she’s single and cute… hmm…
as for fuckstress…. mentioned tht elaine speaks my kinda language to a fren, and he asked me to visit fuckstress’s… the more she rants, the more i fuckin sympathize. shit… no good.
and YOU… just fucking wonderful.
no matter how much u three fuck, i still dun feel any wrath in your blogs, but WTF, i love your blogs.
September 15th, 2005 at 2:44 pm
aiyah, don’t curse ley. cause lidat will look bad for all your images. both genders alike, cursing won’t make yourselves look good what… all this angsty behaviour should be changed to something more positive… or else blood preassure explode i tell you…
September 15th, 2005 at 2:48 pm
cursing is good because it puts off men we don’t like. the remaining men who are left behind makes the choice-selection process EASIER and faster.
gotta love a man who loves you for everything you are, kisses and cusses.
September 15th, 2005 at 3:11 pm
“cursing is good because it puts off men we don’t like.”
what a statement…
September 15th, 2005 at 3:18 pm
have to make something clear in my previous comment: ’shit..no good’ got nothing to do wif fuckstress’s blog. it means me, the way i fucking sympathize her… *trudges back to his cave’.
September 15th, 2005 at 3:26 pm
Hahahahahahaha!! XD
remind me not to ever step onto the tails of female bloggers…
September 15th, 2005 at 4:29 pm
Elaine is single … so KY needs to pimp her.
F***stress - you keep rejecting men! So many chase and you just run! If you don’t like being single, then chose best out of the chasers, and dump him when you find someone better.
[Always easier to find a man when you already have one! No, not suggesting you cheat on one ... just get timing right and dump the one you chose before running off with other one! Beside, you may find the chaser you chose has more depth than you previously thought and might deside to keep him!]
September 15th, 2005 at 5:07 pm
ah…so cussing is another test…*jot jot jot* *closes manual*
thank u
September 15th, 2005 at 5:54 pm
I shall spraypaint my little Swifty.
September 15th, 2005 at 8:57 pm
:mrgreen:.. muahahaha.. oh man.. all of them such a sweet-hottie.. *drool* what can i say.. em such a sucker for lady who speak there mind..
oh.. off course minishorts is such a hottie also..
suddenly this song popup in me head..
Come my lady
Come come my lady
you’re my butterfly
Sugar.baby
come my lady you’re my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy
ok nuf say.. now run for me life.. *run-hide* ^.^
September 16th, 2005 at 12:12 am
*puts on topi besi*
MS: Your style is One Kantoi To Rule Them All.
When you start, people are tempted to follow, even when they should know better.
It’s like tsunami when you rant. We know what’s coming, but can only watch in sick fascination. ‘She’s going to say it… wait.. and OMG, MS is kantoi-ing! Run for your lives; women and children first!’
Your style is like a natural disaster, it can happen anywhere, any time to anyone, anyhow. Whack from ground up, head down, sideways, round and round. Warning or not, open kantoi or sindir maximum. Plus, like the four above, you don’t leave a job half-done either: kantoi sampai mati kongkiaw.
OK, I’ve said too much….:!:
*crawls under allegedly kantoi-proof desk*
September 16th, 2005 at 12:18 am
I think mini is the type of fire that burns slowly, but surely. Don’t piss her off or she’ll have you roasting in an inferno …
So in this case, mini swears using neutral words before working her way up to words that bite without intending to … to full-blown in-your-face take-it-or-leave-it four-letter multi-language nuts-shrivelling brain-busting words that will leave one cowering in shame.
September 16th, 2005 at 12:44 am
HAHHAHAHHA
Holy crap that was bloody good read.
Yah I’m fluffing up your comment box with useless stuff again
September 16th, 2005 at 2:53 am
Thanks to MS I have 3 more excellent writers to catch up on. Erm, imho:
FS writes exactly what she thinks and never fakes it,
Su-Yin gets pissed-drunk then writes the best goddamned essays,
and Elaine, well MS says Elaine likes peacocks.
They say girls have a lot of bottled-up bitterness when they are frustrated in bed, or ain’t getting any lor. True or not?
September 16th, 2005 at 3:15 am
lol@su-yin fangirl
I like reading su-yin. i agree with you when you said she cusses shakespearean-ly. what a talent man.
moreover, she tells it like it is and doesn’t sugarcoat. 
read her stuff can get adrenalin rush, or kill yourself laughing.
and goody! more blogs to read
always loved kick-ass women’s blogs.
September 16th, 2005 at 4:10 am
totoro: Are you trying to start some massive flame war?
September 16th, 2005 at 9:17 am
i thought plink’s and ghoul’s description was apt… woooooo…. so so, touched…
September 16th, 2005 at 12:22 pm
Lainie: I am not worthy……
(esp not when it’s that time of the month)
*runs and hides*
March 11th, 2006 at 3:33 pm
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