just minishorts.

You all know the story of the beautiful princess who kisses the frog and then he turns into this hensem prince rite? Here's the thing. That's a kid's story meant to entertain kids. See, the actual happenings were damn scary and needed to be grossly toned down for the sake of the little ones. If you think about it…not scary meh, got a frog can suddenly turn into a human? I mean if I was talking to a frog, and it suddenly turned into Anna Kournikova, I'll also pound her to death and run away like crazy.

But anyways, once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a bimbotic little princess.

This little bimbo, being a rich little princess had a huge truckload of toys. Her favourite, however, was a magnificent golden ball. Actually, it was just gold in colour and not made of gold as our bimbo would believe (because gold can't bounce mah). It was our little bimbo's favourite toy and she played with it day and night. One day, while happily bouncing the ball in the garden, her golden ball fell into a well.

Our little bimbo was really upset, the ball being her favourite toy and all. But like in the fairy tale, a saviour was to come along. A fat kid jumped out from behind the bushes.

'Who the hell are you?' demanded our little bimbo.

'I'm Eliar Swiftfire,' the chubby kid replied.

'E….li..ar?? I am Tilia, the hot little cheerleader la. It also means that I am a major bimbo, ok? How do you expect me to pronounce such a pretentious name?'

'Just call me Swifty.'

'Surely you can't be all that swift with all that body lard on you..'

Swifty sighed, 'I used to have a face that could launch a million ships. In fact, it is such a measly number because I am not even sure whether there are that many battleships in this world or not.'

'Hehe..I wouldn't expect that, coming from a fatso like you,' mocked Tilia.

'Alas, I ate too much junk food and that's why I became to look like that,' explained Swifty. He continued, 'I'll make a deal with you. I'll fetch your gold ball for your if you would bone me."

'Bone you?!? Are you crazy? All that lard will just suffocate me!' retorted the angry Tilia.

But Swifty was not to be fooled. You see, our little princess had a reputation of being damn horny that she constantly raided the castle kitchen for cucumbers and carrots.

'You are lying. I know you want to make out with me. Look at my luscious Angelina Jolie-esque lips… if those lips do not belong to me, I would be trying hard to kiss them already,' argued Swifty. 'Besides, after swimming to the bottom of the well to retrieve your ball, I should have lost enough weight to look my glorious best and I shall once again possess the face of an angel with the sparkling mischievousness of a devil.'

And so, our horny little princess agreed. Partly because she wanted her gold ball back, and partly also because she was bored of stealing carrots and cucumbers from the kitchen already. And so, off went our hero who dived into the well to retrieve the golden ball which was the source of all these troubles. He was gone quite a while and must have done a considerable amount of work out for when he finally emerged, our little princess did not recognise him.

Actually, neither would any of us. Neither did Swifty himself. For when he looked at his own reflection in the water, he began to wonder out loud, 'What caused this transformation? What imbued upon me such a mythical Greek god-like quality? What gave me these statuesque looks all of a sudden?'

Our princess, however, was unimpressed. She could not begin to imagine boning the guy. It would be damn puke-inducing if he were to touch me, she thought. 'No shame ar you? You're worse than that Furong Jie Jie you know.'

'Furong Jie Jie? Pleasela. I am Swifty Kor Kor. To compare Furong Jie Jie with me is like comparing a leper with royalty. Her ego and narcissism are miniscule compared to mine. Furong Jie Jie is the female version of the great Swifty!'

Now, if there was something about Tilia was the fact that she loved an out of control ego, because she had a pretty huge one herself. The moment Swifty uttered those words, she felt a rush of hormones to her privates and became ridiculously horny. She decided it was best to 'cover the face and fire the base'. It was a wise decision, as she would later discover that the great Swifty did in fact, have a huge base (3.5 inches, but it was big enough for our bimbo).

And so, the story ends with our little hero and heroine living happily ever after, with both of them feeding each other's great egos and nurturing their narccissictic selfs as is necessary in every charismatic blogger.

***

The above two bloggers were chosen because I personally love narcississtic bloggers. Swifty thought it was wise to pimp himself TWICE. Most of the quotes you read above were taken directly from his site, which goes to show you how humongous his ego is. I personally feel he is a breathe of fresh air in the 'sphere. Tilia, on the other hand, claimed that her friend pimped her, but I am quite sure she pimped herself. So, go on folks, give them a click. We all love people with egos bigger than the A380.

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