just minishorts.

Hi, my name is Viewtru, and I'm guestblogging here today. Since some of you here already know me as an Uber Serious Social Commentary blogger, you may be wondering what I am doing in a Friends and Relationships blog. Well, hold your sniggering, coz I'm doing a serious piece of ‘relationship’ posting here.

To write about relationships, one has to understand women. Which can be difficult. Very. I’m not the sort of guy who can understand a lot about all women, but more the kind who try to understand just one woman. Also difficult. I don’t even understand the weird concept like why women kick up such a humongous fuss if you don’t put the toilet lid down.

But no problem. There are always some experts around.

I have a friend, Harry, who knows everything. No, he’s not a genius. But he is mad. Which is about the same thing as being a genius. And he is not the only one. Many of my other friends are also equally mad. But only Harry specializes in the sex angle.

“Girls evolved differently from guys,” he once explained to me, “which is why they don’t have beards.”

“What’s the reason for men having beards then?” I asked him.

“Evolution,” he replied. “In prehistoric days, men needed a way to differentiate between men and women. The way of finding mates then was to chase the prehistoric women down until they allow you to copulate with them in a prehistoric way. So if you are a prehistoric guy and you see someone with a prehistoric beard, you don’t waste your prehistoric time by giving a prehistoric chase. You go chase something else. Evolution is smart.”

“Oh yeah?” I countered. “Well, we know that cows have 6 nipples and women only have two. Yet both cows and women give birth to one baby at a time. So tell me, if Evolution was so darn smart, why don’t women also have six nipples?”

“Listen,” Harry explained patiently. “Men have only two hands for foreplay, okay? Evolution states that women will have six nipples when men evolve six hands.”

Mmmm…okay. The great psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud, used to explain everything from the theory of sex. Harry is a practical Freudian. He explains the same thing also through sex, but through practical sex. In that sense, he is far ahead of Sigmund Freud.

“But,” I argued, “if evolution was based on practical sex, then why don’t women have breasts at the back, so that we men have something to do with our hands, while slow dancing?”

“Look,” he answered back, “if a woman has breasts at the back, she would not be able to breastfeed the baby. In that event, the father will have to hold the baby behind the mother’s back while she produces the milk. That is simply not efficient. Two people doing one job! Call it what you like, but you can’t call it evolution.”

“What can you call it then?”

“Government,” he replied.

Harry is good. He may not always make much sense to me, but he is good.

Funny thing is, he is not the only one with odd theories of evolution. A female colleague of mine used to say, "Men chase after women because women are mysterious. That is why Evolution made sure that women evolve mysteriously."

"What has Evolution got to do with that?" I demanded.

"Well, Evolution made women bleed for seven days in a month and still live longer than men. Men are baffled by stuff like that. And they chase after things that baffle them."

"You sure that's what menstruation is all about? As a mystery factor to get men to chase after women?"

"Hey, it's a natural instinct. I've got a dog which chases after cars. It's because it can't understand how a dumb object with four wheels can move faster than a dog with four legs."

"Odd theory, but you could be right."

"Of course I'm right. I got a husband, don't I? He married me because he didn't understand me."

She's completely wacky, but she's got a point. So if any of you chikas are complaining that your guy does not understand you, back off. If he understood you completely, he wouldn’t be chasing you, geddit?

This is Viewtru, signing off.