Why men chase after women
Hi, my name is Viewtru, and I'm guestblogging here today. Since some of you here already know me as an Uber Serious Social Commentary blogger, you may be wondering what I am doing in a Friends and Relationships blog. Well, hold your sniggering, coz I'm doing a serious piece of ‘relationship’ posting here.
To write about relationships, one has to understand women. Which can be difficult. Very. I’m not the sort of guy who can understand a lot about all women, but more the kind who try to understand just one woman. Also difficult. I don’t even understand the weird concept like why women kick up such a humongous fuss if you don’t put the toilet lid down.
But no problem. There are always some experts around.
I have a friend, Harry, who knows everything. No, he’s not a genius. But he is mad. Which is about the same thing as being a genius. And he is not the only one. Many of my other friends are also equally mad. But only Harry specializes in the sex angle.
“Girls evolved differently from guys,” he once explained to me, “which is why they don’t have beards.”
“What’s the reason for men having beards then?” I asked him.
“Evolution,” he replied. “In prehistoric days, men needed a way to differentiate between men and women. The way of finding mates then was to chase the prehistoric women down until they allow you to copulate with them in a prehistoric way. So if you are a prehistoric guy and you see someone with a prehistoric beard, you don’t waste your prehistoric time by giving a prehistoric chase. You go chase something else. Evolution is smart.”
“Oh yeah?” I countered. “Well, we know that cows have 6 nipples and women only have two. Yet both cows and women give birth to one baby at a time. So tell me, if Evolution was so darn smart, why don’t women also have six nipples?”
“Listen,” Harry explained patiently. “Men have only two hands for foreplay, okay? Evolution states that women will have six nipples when men evolve six hands.”
Mmmm…okay. The great psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud, used to explain everything from the theory of sex. Harry is a practical Freudian. He explains the same thing also through sex, but through practical sex. In that sense, he is far ahead of Sigmund Freud.
“But,” I argued, “if evolution was based on practical sex, then why don’t women have breasts at the back, so that we men have something to do with our hands, while slow dancing?”
“Look,” he answered back, “if a woman has breasts at the back, she would not be able to breastfeed the baby. In that event, the father will have to hold the baby behind the mother’s back while she produces the milk. That is simply not efficient. Two people doing one job! Call it what you like, but you can’t call it evolution.”
“What can you call it then?”
“Government,” he replied.
Harry is good. He may not always make much sense to me, but he is good.
Funny thing is, he is not the only one with odd theories of evolution. A female colleague of mine used to say, "Men chase after women because women are mysterious. That is why Evolution made sure that women evolve mysteriously."
"What has Evolution got to do with that?" I demanded.
"Well, Evolution made women bleed for seven days in a month and still live longer than men. Men are baffled by stuff like that. And they chase after things that baffle them."
"You sure that's what menstruation is all about? As a mystery factor to get men to chase after women?"
"Hey, it's a natural instinct. I've got a dog which chases after cars. It's because it can't understand how a dumb object with four wheels can move faster than a dog with four legs."
"Odd theory, but you could be right."
"Of course I'm right. I got a husband, don't I? He married me because he didn't understand me."
She's completely wacky, but she's got a point. So if any of you chikas are complaining that your guy does not understand you, back off. If he understood you completely, he wouldn’t be chasing you, geddit?
This is Viewtru, signing off.
October 12th, 2005 at 11:34 am
Man…I am speechless in awe of your greatness. I wanna buy you beer. Harry, too if he wants.
October 12th, 2005 at 11:37 am
October 12th, 2005 at 11:38 am
….. does that mean ALL men understand me, Viewtru?
October 12th, 2005 at 11:49 am
yeah…
October 12th, 2005 at 11:57 am
toilet lids, huh? u know what, i get irritated when someone squeezes toothpaste from the middle of the tube.
erm, and if i may add:
“Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.”
October 12th, 2005 at 1:04 pm
If a dog chases your car… It means it is time to clean it with Dettol
October 12th, 2005 at 1:30 pm
*snigger snigger* Woops, supposed to hold that.
I am confused. If men had six hands, women would evolve six nipples … so why doesn’t a bull have six hands to go with the cows six nipples???
Oh, and some women have beards too! Some women can even grow better facial hair than me!! (Which isn’t saying much! I am like so unhairy!!)
October 12th, 2005 at 1:58 pm
Hey, I like you.
Great post btw…
October 12th, 2005 at 2:25 pm
vincent: Thanks for the offer. I’ll take a raincheck, heheheh!
minishorts: I used elementary deduction. By PPS categories, you would be closest to “Sex and relationship” blog. But I wasn’t sure about the ’sex’ part since you never admitted to having sex, so it’s ‘Friends and relationship” instead.
fireAngel: You can only ask that question when you have met ALL men.
wacana bahasa: Agreeing with Harry?
totoro: Only perfectionists squeeze from the end. Normal people squeeze from the middle of the tube.
n305er: Dettol? That drives ‘em crazy!
Dabido (Teflon) : Bulls are not men. They don’t do their thinking in their zips.
Liz: Awwwww…….*blush blush*
October 12th, 2005 at 3:15 pm
What happen to the adage,
Don’t try to understand women, just love them.
Anyway it’s a great post!:lol:
October 12th, 2005 at 3:31 pm
Women.
Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em…
October 12th, 2005 at 3:41 pm
hehe. it’s been a while since i read something funny on this blog, and i’m glad you wrote that.
it was cute.
more more!!
October 12th, 2005 at 3:58 pm
anantya: i suppose you have a selective sense of humour, besides not everything here is funny to your taste buds.
that said, here at minishorts.net, no one aims to please. if you’re humoured in any way, its merely coincidental. we’re glad to have made your day today. however please understand that if we don’t give you any ‘more more!!’, it’s not our fault. it’s just my bad hair day and usually, there isn’t an anantya lurking around to tell us how to write better.
its coincidence, damnit. coincidence. thank you for paying us a visit.
October 12th, 2005 at 3:59 pm
Yeap, sounds like Viewtru alright.
Dabido: was gonna ask the same thing. Oh, and why two breasts when women usually birth one baby?
Oh right, of course… then men would evolve one hand and they wouldn’t be able to drive.
October 12th, 2005 at 4:37 pm
i suspect harry is the alter-ego of Viewtru.
so i will just buy viewtru drinks and not harry 
October 12th, 2005 at 4:42 pm
buaya69, vincent: it won’t work, i’ve tried uncountable times to get him to go out with me, but he’s ever elusive. maybe i need to apply drastic methods. GAH.
October 12th, 2005 at 4:42 pm
pokca: I still try to understand women, but I don’t try very hard.Yes, it is possible to love what we don’t understand. That didn’t work for mathematics in school though!
anantya: What do you mean its been a while since you read something funny here? Now go back and read the entry on 25th Sep and see this pic:
http://www.minishorts.net/images/puff05.jpg
I thought that was hilarious!
(Oh okay, so my sense of humour is not the same as others.)
minishorts: Of course it is coincidence! Didn’t I made it clear that I am a Uber Serious social commentary blogger?
lionel: If men evolve one hand, then women will evolve only one teat. Not a problem for driving, I think. But may not be able to use the handphone and drive at the same time! Heheheh!
buaya69: Wah peh, you want to buy drink for one person instead of two, is it? Fedup!
October 12th, 2005 at 4:59 pm
lol. sorry, minishorts. it wasn’t meant to be anything mean. i was hooked on your bedtime stories because they were incredibly funny - i loved them all. then after a while, you were writing about other stuff, which is perfectly fine.
i know the best bloggers are those who write what they want without aiming to please.
no offense.
i’ll just cross my fingers for more coincidences.
October 12th, 2005 at 5:02 pm
October 12th, 2005 at 5:22 pm
This is so typically VT
So you’re saying females shouldn’t get all worked up if guys don’t understand us? Then if we don’t understand guys’ needs for football/drinks/guys-night-out/porn/etcetc, then the guys also should back off and stop insisting to have their way, betul?
October 12th, 2005 at 5:25 pm
are your friends free for a teh ais limau and a roti canai at the nearest mamak stall?
October 12th, 2005 at 5:49 pm
Entwined - football/drinks/guys-night-out/porn/etcetc
I’ve lived without those things for years!!!!
But computers!! Guitars!!! Women!!! Those are things i can’t live without!
October 12th, 2005 at 7:01 pm
i cannot live without my….. email…. :oops::oops::oops: all 4 of them…
October 12th, 2005 at 9:18 pm
Dabido: was gonna ask the same thing. Oh, and why two breasts when women usually birth one baby?
Simple, for balance.
October 12th, 2005 at 9:25 pm
lol…when i read this i was clutching my tummy n gaffawing(does d word exist?)neway good 1 viewtru…i always wondered y men say women r un-understandable,but i nvr tot of it d ‘evolutionary’ angle…
October 12th, 2005 at 10:12 pm
Yay! Finally someone who speaks from the guys angle! I salute you Viewtru.
October 12th, 2005 at 11:50 pm
vt, stop asking, continue ur crabs
barbeq pls
incase ur fetish to remove anonymous commenter, donch u know my name is peter stuyvesant? (y) smirk
October 13th, 2005 at 8:50 am
anonymous: in case you haven’t noticed, this is MY Blog and i have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. anonymous commentors don’t need removing, their lack of courage to come forth with better-phrased thoughts as well as their own identities helps us ‘admire’ their credibility.
i only deleted your other comment because repeat comments are redundant and i don’t like wasting space.
October 13th, 2005 at 9:04 am
OMG viewtru, Your friend Harry should write a book about this and get that Nobel prize!! XD
Nice one.
October 13th, 2005 at 9:20 am
minishorts, thank…….
vt is the one have heavy fetish removing anonymous not u…..
October 13th, 2005 at 9:44 am
anonymous: i don’t blame him though. leeches like you are an insult to intelligence. buzz off.
October 13th, 2005 at 10:04 am
minishorts : I think you shouldn’t give anonymous too much attention. He’s craving for it by the way he wants to annoy people..
October 13th, 2005 at 10:12 am
Cool Blog. Glad I bumped into here. ^^
October 13th, 2005 at 3:27 pm
fangel, send me ur resume. will call u for interview. being pretty doesnt render u getting this position as my gf; eventually b upgraded to wife..
October 13th, 2005 at 6:17 pm
Guys will chase after a girl with all thier heart, mind and soul.
But when they’ve caught the girl of their choice, they stop running, and develop a belly, huge and flat butt, and be one with the tv set.
So girls, let the guy get within touching distance, and keep running again…
If he really loves you that much, he won’t give up…
I jut love a tease… muahahahah
October 13th, 2005 at 10:56 pm
Saddnesz.jc - Not true in my case! I was 63kg by the time I seperated from my Ex! So getting fat belly, big butt doesn’t always happen! And I never got the TV remote! My Ex never let me control the TV set … of course, she was a big watcher, and I was a big computer user! lol
October 14th, 2005 at 10:22 pm
Hey Viewtru, i really like the way you write things. Would like to know you better. Whats your Y! ID?
October 19th, 2005 at 10:29 am
Hah!! i actually study this subject in uni called Sex and Aggression (150.23) available in Uni of Western Australia.
Its based on how sex and agression evolved to be adaptive, and how culture and evolution interact to create sex and agression (eg..agression btw males n females like domestic violence)
it addresses relevant questions like why women don’t have six nipples and why men don’t have balls as big as chimps (kenny sia cannot fight one)
Viewtru, if you like, your friend can have all my notes on Sex and Agression. it all sounds like whole loadda crap, but i have to take an exam for it!