Friendly takeover – FireAngel
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Hi Readers of Minishorts.net!
It is I, FireAngel. A few of you, yes all 20 of you, may have been unfortunate enough to see me and my most dreadfully average looking face popping on many sites like here, here, here and EVEN right here. Some of you may have been hospitalised by the sheer dreadful mediocrity of it all and since then can’t be within 1 mile of the computer without screaming BEGONE YOU EVIL HEATHEN grasping for the nearest holy object and ranting off in tongues. For that, I humbly apologise.
So how can somebody with absolutely nothing to offer, who did absolutely NOTHING to make the world a better place, and who has no special qualities whatsoever managed to even have a day dedicated to her by old big time bloggers?
Aiyah. Easy only what. They were my friends mah. Blogger friends. That’s what friends do TO each other. Put up pictures on their blogs, write about them, dedicate a whole day to them, put up a “fansite”… What? YOUR friends don’t do that for you? Oh. Then I think you should get a new set of friends. Hehehe.
I heard there were many of you who went around saying things like “Huh? WHO THE HELL IS THIS FA?? She so ugly one. Not so pretty also. What’s so special about her? Why I have a friend [insert name here] who is so much more hotter/cuter/better looking/has bigger boobs/ bigger eyes/ more kissable lips/ [insert other description of hot body parts here] than HER – SHE should have a day dedicated to her instead of this dreadfully average looking girl…”
GODDAMNIT! Such remarks really hurt ok? I’m only human. I have feelings too! I know I’m not a supermodel with perfect physical features and all that. I know I’m not the hottest chick on earth. Or the leggiest. Or have the biggest boobs. Or the most perfect complexion. Or…ok I GET YOUR POINT ALREADY. I KNOW that I AM the most dreadfully average looking person on earth. I also know that there’s really nothing special about me… except for that snake swallowing a whole baby birthmark on my…… right, let’s keep this to Disney Channel standards.
BUT. You know what? I also DO know, and with absolute certainty, beyond ANY reasonable doubt, that I am the LEAST hideous looking person on this planet.
In fact, really hot looking chicks pisses me off to no end. Like HARLOW? Not everybody can look like that ok. That’s like what? A mere 1% of the entire planet’s population and yet everybloodybody makes them their objects of their desires. Wake up already. That’s totally NOT REALISTIC OK YOU FAGGOTS! Damn those freaks of nature.
So, this whole publicity thing, didn’t work at all in my favour. See, one of the reasons these jokers got together to “publicise” me online was to get me a boyfriend. But the whole scam, it didn’t work AT ALL. You could say that it was a complete and UTTER FAILURE because I am still very, VERY single. That’s no good for me. No good for me at all. I’ve been single for nearly 2 years now, and frankly I’m sick and tired of being single. SICK and tired of people asking me “Why are you still single hah?”. SICK and TIRED of relatives asking me “When is YOUR turn hah?”. I swear, if the next person asks me that question, I’ll extract your spleen out through your mouth with my BARE HANDS.
My mum said, if I wanted to get things done right, I'll have to do it myself.
I am therefore, taking this opportunity to PIMP MYSELF OUT ONCE AND FOR ALL.
I mean seriously, you have all seen my pictures everywhere, you perverts. I’ve done my part. Now it’s the time for YOU to do YOURS.
Aren’t you sick and frustrated of merely just fantasising and looking at unrealistic portrayals of THE perfect woman already? It’s bullshit okay. Because you know, there is NO way in this lifetime or the next 10 lifetimes, will Ashley Judd or Angelina Jolie or Kristin Kreuk lay you, or even acknowledge YOUR existence you puny insignificant speck of protoplasm. So instead, why don’t you let some very random, very dreadfully average looking chick like me, who is very ridiculously REAL, be the object of YOUR desires? Stop aiming for the stars when all you’ll ever end up with is a pair of swollen legs, a painful butt and have neighbours thinking that you’re certifiable insane.
So, send me your resumes (with pictures), hate mails, marriage proposals, money pledges for my plastic surgery because I AM SO UGLY etc etc… to aphroditus(at) gmail (dot)com.
Please?
And since I’m a bit of a camwhore and narcissist, and since EVERYBODY loves a FREAK SHOW – here are some new shots of myself in all my mediocre splendour. Sorry.
Hmm, red gummy bears tastes YUM!
Hey! What are YOU looking at?
Get your OWN pillow lah!
I also did a mini interview to answer some FAQs with one of my joker friends who played his part in this whole “FA DAY” scam, The Snark (scroll down and check out his collection of Girl Fridays….. so hot they make me want to kill myself). Kasi itu punya link satu click, ok? OK.
Right, now I’ll sit back quietly with my Vodka Ribena in hand, and watch all you vicious animals shred whatever's left of my self-esteem to monatomic pieces.
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Oct13
October 13, 2005 at 11:57 pm
Chill out, FA.. Just becoz u’re not pretty, that doesnt make u a dreadful sight, just be happy that u’re born complete
October 14, 2005 at 12:04 am
::shock: Can I date you? I am a fugly lil’ Malay guy who is still single and maybe single forever. Can we just have a date? I am no playboy bastard but neither 100% honest. I believe a good lie is still a lie. Date me? See if we can go somewhere? Sure, dump me if you don’t like me though. Up to you.
October 14, 2005 at 12:12 am
You got to be kidding! You single??
The guys must be blind!
October 14, 2005 at 1:16 am
ok, where do i sign up to be part of the ‘hey FA pick me!’ club?
October 14, 2005 at 1:18 am
Ok, the next time I see u in gym, I shall approach u..
October 14, 2005 at 9:10 am
hey i bought it for rm1.6k..
it came with a big tripod, 2 x 26mb SD and a camera bag
October 14, 2005 at 9:18 am
i mean 256mb.. haha
October 14, 2005 at 9:34 am
where can i pick you up??..
October 14, 2005 at 9:45 am
hey, if what they say is true, that FA is single for 2 yrs coz she’s way too choosy about men, then cannot complain d lah.
like, wan a lot of guys to chase, just to turn them all down meh? blek.
October 14, 2005 at 10:05 am
Fireangel : face on an angel, heart of a devil…
October 14, 2005 at 11:14 am
Suggestion to friends of FA: Have a Pimp-FA party. Location: Chilli’s ke, Starbucks ke, Warung Kopi Raju’s ke.. etc.
All single male FA-boyfriend-wannabes to send application to be vetted by FA’s friends. Then invitations to be sent out.
Male FA-boyfriend-wannabes gather at Pimp-FA party and try to woo her.
KY films the proceedings for the all-new reality show “FA and The Scarlet Pimps”.
Shaolin Tiger hosts.
FA in the end makes announcement – who will win? Stay tuned…
It’s Friday. Imagination unleashed.
October 14, 2005 at 12:06 pm
Sashi: It’ll be a reality blog show! woot!
ok, back to drooling.
drool drool drool drool…
October 14, 2005 at 2:48 pm
nothing to say.. just want to comment.
p/s: i love the bed and the white sheets
and the second picture looks like you’re saying
“come, i won’t eat you, i’ll just chew you.”
October 14, 2005 at 5:30 pm
eh your complexion and teeth nicer than mine WEI!! =P
October 14, 2005 at 11:22 pm
Eh! I think FA needs to eat more and do some weights! Arms look a little thin.
Of course, I probably shouldn’t compare thin girlie arms to my own!
*runs*
October 15, 2005 at 9:26 am
To be honest, what is the purpose of this? Do you really think this will bring you to your MR Right?
To me, you’re pretty and you’re natural (you being yourself). I’m sure you’re a pretty nice girl too.. So worry not about being single, someday you’ll meet your Mr Right… I believe that the more you chase something, the more it eludes you…but when you are not expecting it, it’ll come to you..
Good luck!
October 16, 2005 at 1:48 am
I propose, literally, a flash mob. All interested suitors will stand in front of her house at exactly 10pm, +800 GMT, Monday 17th October 2005, for FIVE minutes, shirtless.
October 17, 2005 at 5:50 pm
Yo Yo! Fire angel is really a hottie…..Real cute hottie:mrgreen:
October 17, 2005 at 6:38 pm
Yes Nemo, we can see that, we’re not blind you know?
October 19, 2005 at 3:36 pm
FA, must have a lot of guys dating you… so boring right? I give you a chance, date me instead
Why this pic is cropped like that?
http://www.myonlineimages.com/Members/viewtru/images/FAngel1.jpg
Lousy work, should crop lower mah. Hahaha…
November 9, 2005 at 4:38 am
damnit i wish i looked like her!
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