Archive for October 14th, 2005

Pap

Oct 14, 2005 in General

Minishorts says: Today's special star is the very sporadic Gerrard of MakanRojak@blogspot. Gerard is old school from the stonehenge era, and has just recently graduated with a very prestigious medical degree. Currently serving his MO-ship in Singapore, Gerrard is my official F.O.C. lodging provider should I manage to get over to Singapore for the Virtual Insanity trip. In this post, Gerrard talks about Pap Smears.

After wallowing in the slime, grime, and cretin infested bowels of the local blogosphere since the days when fig leaves were the first choice lingerie to conceal genitals, I've finally been granted the chance to be in the blogging limelight clinking champagne glasses and exchanging inane chatter like the different textures of belly button lint in South American geriatrics with the higher echelons of the blogosphere right here in minishorts.net.

With such a platform to spew forth my best verbal diarrhea, minishorts decided to rain on my party by requesting that I blog about a subject so dreaded that even Mike Tyson's testicles would reascend from the scrotum and relocate to their embryological position at the mere mention of it. Yes, I'm supposed to talk about…..the pap smear. Oh, there it goes, I feel my balls reascending…..oohh.

But not obliging your blogging host is like offering your vegetarian friend a nice hot bowl of bak kut teh sprinkled with dried pork floss, shoving it down his throat and plugging his anus with a rubber bung just to make sure it stays inside long enough - it's just not right. So I shall oblige, but I'll just have you all know that I had to resit my gynaecology paper in medical school, and that brings back extremely haunting memories. Oh, there goes my balls again…ooohhh.

So as requested, I present to you my extremely unreliable guide to pap smears/cervical cancers in 5 dot points…

  • To be the toast of cocktail parties, rather than sipping tea with your pinkie raised and swirling wine glasses like you something, you can prance about in a pink tutu chatting up chicks with the pick-up line, "Did you know the pap smear is only the short form for papanicolaou smear?".
  • Virgins don't get cervical cancer, apparently. Hence the recommendation that women should have their first pap smear in the months/years following their first real/fake orgasm. First real/fake orgasm with a man that is, fun or not.
  • Cervical cancer rates in women who adhere to the tenets of the Old Testament are pathetically low, not because they're condemned virgins with nice juicy unpopped cherries but because the only dicks that can penetrate them are circumcised ones. Is there a correlation between circumcised dicks and low cervical cancers rates?
  • Even someone with the IQ of a half eaten char siew pau can now figure out that cervical cancer is mostly caused by a virus, the HPV (human papilloma virus).
  • Pap smears are easy to do. Take speculum, open vagina, look for cervix which is essentially another hole inside the vagina, take brush, scrape cells from cervix, remove speculum. Assembling Duplo sets into a monotonous tower are harder in comparison, really.

    • And that ends my 5 dot point unreliable guide to pap smears/cervical cancers. I'm confident of the facts but for further details, please lift that finger and google away, or lift that butt and visit your local doctor, who hopefully passed his gynaecology paper on the first try with flying rainbow colours.

    Guess my time in the limelight has run out. Boo hoo. I think I deserve a damn lolly.

    30 Comments »

    Virtually Insane

    Oct 14, 2005 in Web-logger

    We interrupt the Daily Guest Line-up to give you this piece of very important news.

    *CUE: Poster please.

    *CUE: Important notice please.

    Those of you who follow the regional blogging scene would know about the UBER COOL, UBER HIP Virtual Insanity event that's happening in Singapore on the night before Halloween. Just last week, The Cowboy rang me up asking if I were available for booking, to guest star in the event.

    It’s the first time the Cowboy Bar is throwing a party, and it’s for a good cause. Most importantly, you get to prance about in costume and consume prodigious amounts of liquor whilst meeting new people. Please help spread the word, mark your calendars and rent a costume.

    Minishorts said that, 'Well it sounds really cool, but there's this problem, I'm not sure if I'm getting a leave to go or not.'

    BUT I REALLY WANT TO GO.

    I submitted my two-day leave application almost immediately, and unfortunately, it's still pending approval. But here's the deal, Its going to be a pretty long holiday, seeing that Deepavali's falling on a Tuesday, and Hari Raya Aidilfitri's on the immediate Thursday. This means that if you take Monday, and Wednesday off, you get the ENTIRE week off. Which means, you can go to Singapore on Friday, come back on Monday, if you have a tight budget, but if you want a longer holiday, just take the whole week away by splashing some cash in Singapore lah.

    As for me, I'm crossing my fingers for luck. Let's hope we get that leave approval ASAP and you can look forward to seeing me in Singapore for the holidays. Now, who else is coming with me?

    CUE: Links please.

    Original promo post available here
    More details available at http://virtualinsanity.liquidblade.com/

    7 Comments »

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