just minishorts.

Hello. Hi. How are you?

I think you like reading my site eh, that's why you visit me so often.

You might have been commenting here too, well thank you very much.

BTW, if you didn't realize already, beyond all these verbal cauldron of mumbo-jumbo, there's actually a catch to my site. You see, my site is actually a MAGICAL mirror you know. I mean, you don't realize it, its hilarious I don't see how come you don't realize it.

But the fact is, you're staring at YOURSELF every time you stumble inside here, and everytime you choose to say something in my site, WHY thank you very much, there's just another mark of mascara up your lashes.

Except you know what they say, 'Too much of a good thing isn't a good thing at all.'

In simple terms, I say you think your piece regarding the issues in my life are worthy stuff, but fact is you really have no idea at all. Your words are reflective of shallow reading, a lack of intellect and lack of control before you even hit the 'submit comment' key. What a shame. And i thought you people were smarter.

So the point is this.

I'm going to repeat the blardy redundant topic which I said just a few hours ago in this silly post of mine, which was, coincidentally, sort of a conversation that I have within my head, which I was hoping, out of concern and care, for friends and people in the blogosphere who mean things to me, MORE THAN any of those of you who didn't think before you said your two sen there. I'm going to say it first.

It is pointless to talk about readers NOT READING THE POSTS CAREFULLY because at the end of it, you're a laughing stock, at your very own expense.

See I've also written that shit down a piece of scrap paper, and I'm going to burn it now, mix it with water, and swallow it, in an old fashioned attempt to eat my own words.

I'm eating my own words because you have cleverly ignored the fact that you have to get the REAL gist of what I say, not blardy jump to your conclusions about my ideas and come up with telur-telur rosak yang separuh masak for the heck of showing that you're blardy hell more civic-minded than femes people who have no regard for less-abled beings. Uncle, don't tell me you so good never did an entire mistake in your life before. Auntie, don't tell me that walking right up to a bitch and calling her a bitch makes you less of a bitch. Friend, don't tell me you never got infuriated by that idiot who cut the queue and called him an ass of a motherfucker before.

You probably have done things LIKE that before and I say, we are ALL guilty as charged, darlings. There is no place for all of us in heaven, boo hoo hoo what a sad day it is for all of us.

(Oh did I offend you there? My blog, my bad, ok I will eat that back, ok you didn't see that properly.)

Why welcome to my world, I'm sorry I can EAT my words if I want to, and I blardy hell contradict myself all the time and my dears, you can do nothing and nada about it because like I said, this is not exactly a blog, you know. It is a magic mirror, and every day, you stare at reflections of your frigging selves every time you enjoy the stuff that is emitted from here.

So there. Comments are closed over there, and if you want to say something, do yourselves a favour eh, READ THAT POST PROPERLY… because hell, as much as I am eating my own words, you guys are just making yourselves look HORRIBLY fugly for the heck of not even reading carefully.

So this: guilty, guity, guilty as charged. Did you have fun?

Welcome to this wonderful Animal Circus. I'm but a juggling jester, there're the unassuming trapeze flyers, but the audience's a bunch of lunatic clowns. YOU GUYS ARE THE REAL STARS.

Now give a hand to your fugly selves.

Add On: Since I'm at it, this is an issue past but I think its safe for me to say this now. You know the beautiful part about me me and me, because I am the CREATOR, and I am also the self-declared MANAGING EDITOR AND DIRECTOR of minishorts.net, that pretty much gives me the right to say anything I freaking want in my site. One of this days, if I manage to acquire a cultured, and polished New York-campured accent, I'll probably do a complete recording of this post with all the necessarily anglicized Malay phrases, and it will definitely be a hoot to read eh. And yeah, I need to get that professional side shot first. Lemme try eh.

She walks past and I can just smell her cheap perfume. I take a closer look at her. Her face is riddled with pockmarks. She used to be a pimply teenager! My heart leaps with joy. Men are such idiots. Fooled by her make up.

She's ordinary.

No, wait. She's…mediocre.

Bah! Big boobs. That's the only thing she has. I turn to him and see him drooling from within.

Aaargh! Wake up! She's ugly, you idiot!

'Do you think she's prettier than me?' I ask him.

'No.'

That's it? A mono-syllable answer? You asshole…

'You think she's pwweetier than I am!' I pout, blinking those dark round eyes of mine the same way Daisy Duck flutters her eyelashes at Donald.

'No, dear. I love you the way you are..'

'You just like her cause she's got big boobs!' I retort in anger, my face purple with fury. I pretend to turn away from him in a mutinious retaliation, but not before I sneak a peek at his bewildered expression. He's trying to conjure up something. Hmph! This is what you get when you check out her tissue stuffed bra, you pig. Torturing him seems fun. Deserving, in fact. More fun than my stupid period. Anything is more fun than this bloody curse. Them stupid men will never understand. Let them suffer with us.

I hear him sigh.

'It's like that sayang,' he explains, 'if you were to ask your mum whether she thinks you are pretty, she will look you in the eye and tell you that you are the most beautiful child in the world. Same thing here, sayang, I think you are the most beautiful girlfriend a guy could ever hope for.'

My heart melts. My anger dissipates in an instant. I almost feel bad for giving him a hard time. He's trying so hard to be sweet. A single teardrop finds its way out of the corner of my eye and trickles down the apples of my cheeks. I remember now. This is why I fell in love with him.

My man. My hero. My love.

The Mighty Zeus' post on writing as a female inspired me to write this puke inducing parody, poking fun at women from a guy's point of view. Have a laugh, as no women were injured in the writing of this piece. Elaine will do follow up tomorrow in an apparent retaliation.