just minishorts.

She plonks her butt on the seat, sulking.

"You think she's pretty?"

Eh? My head snaps back to her. Her eyes narrows into slits. F*ck. Is it that time of the month again? Warning bells screams away like mad in my head. Is it? Is it? [Thinks]. Oh shit! Oh shit…it's time again. Tiu lah…how to answer her now lar? Yes also die. No also die. WTF! Die die both ways.

"Uhh..no…"

Surely this is what she wants to hear. Should be a no fail answer lah. Glances nervously at her. Her eyes shoots daggers at the chio bu that just walked past.

"You think she's pweetttier than me."

Mahai. Not again. She's gonna cry. She's gonna cry. Please tell me she's not gonna cry. [Slants a look at her]. Oh f*ck it she's tearing up already. TIUUU!!

"No darling…I love you just the way you are!!"

DAMMIT. Why do I have to sound like a repetitive parrot 5 times a day? Surely she should know I love her without me having to say flowery words every second in the day. I chose to be with her kan?

"You just like her 'cause she's got big boobs!"

[Winces at high pitch shriek]. It's starting. She's turning purple already. I wasn't staring at her boobs! I wasn't! KNN!! I was looking at the 3G phone she was using! I DON'T F*CKING GET IT! Why does every girl think that all guys like big boobs? Not every guy's fantasy chick includes overloaded cow-mammary-gland-like boobs dammit!

"Sigh."

I bloody hate it when she's having a period. It's like psycho bitch on the loose with a friggin' parang . Kanasai. I hope she's not gonna turn all sulky and ignore me for the rest of the day. ARGH! Damage control! Damage control! Shit! What to say now? [Bewildered expression]

Cibai! How now? I don't know what to say! Aiks, hack it lar…maybe this would work…

"It's like that sayang, you were to ask your mum whether she thinks you are pretty, she will look you in the eye and tell you that you are the most beautiful child in the world. Same thing here, sayang, I think you are the most beautiful girlfriend a guy could ever hope for."

Oh gawd. There goes my pride as a guy. I can't believe I said something so sappy out loud to her. What is it with girls and corny lines like this? Doesn't action speak louder than words sometimes? Tiu. Whatever lah. As long as it works? Shit! What if she doesn't believe me? [Sneaks look at her]

WTF!! She's crying! What happened? She doesn't believe me? Did I say it wrongly? Does she hate me now? Why is she crying and smiling at the same time? [Looks warily around for signs of descending parang]. Oh, she's smiling! [Phew].

Dammit.

I friggin' don't understand women.

ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE HAVING THEIR PERIODS.

Update: Oops, sorry peeps 'cause I forgot to add this bit here. So yeah, this is my response to Vince's 'I am woman, hear me rant' post. P/s, I don't think I'm really cut out writing like a guy. Plumb near drove me crazy trying to write this post. Heh. Big thanx to Vince and Mini for help and ideas. Next time, just shoot me when you guys come up with crazy ideas like this.