I am MAN, hear me ROAR…
She plonks her butt on the seat, sulking.
"You think she's pretty?"
Eh? My head snaps back to her. Her eyes narrows into slits. F*ck. Is it that time of the month again? Warning bells screams away like mad in my head. Is it? Is it? [Thinks]. Oh shit! Oh shit…it's time again. Tiu lah…how to answer her now lar? Yes also die. No also die. WTF! Die die both ways.
"Uhh..no…"
Surely this is what she wants to hear. Should be a no fail answer lah. Glances nervously at her. Her eyes shoots daggers at the chio bu that just walked past.
"You think she's pweetttier than me."
Mahai. Not again. She's gonna cry. She's gonna cry. Please tell me she's not gonna cry. [Slants a look at her]. Oh f*ck it she's tearing up already. TIUUU!!
"No darling…I love you just the way you are!!"
DAMMIT. Why do I have to sound like a repetitive parrot 5 times a day? Surely she should know I love her without me having to say flowery words every second in the day. I chose to be with her kan?
"You just like her 'cause she's got big boobs!"
[Winces at high pitch shriek]. It's starting. She's turning purple already. I wasn't staring at her boobs! I wasn't! KNN!! I was looking at the 3G phone she was using! I DON'T F*CKING GET IT! Why does every girl think that all guys like big boobs? Not every guy's fantasy chick includes overloaded cow-mammary-gland-like boobs dammit!
"Sigh."
I bloody hate it when she's having a period. It's like psycho bitch on the loose with a friggin' parang . Kanasai. I hope she's not gonna turn all sulky and ignore me for the rest of the day. ARGH! Damage control! Damage control! Shit! What to say now? [Bewildered expression]
Cibai! How now? I don't know what to say! Aiks, hack it lar…maybe this would work…
"It's like that sayang, you were to ask your mum whether she thinks you are pretty, she will look you in the eye and tell you that you are the most beautiful child in the world. Same thing here, sayang, I think you are the most beautiful girlfriend a guy could ever hope for."
Oh gawd. There goes my pride as a guy. I can't believe I said something so sappy out loud to her. What is it with girls and corny lines like this? Doesn't action speak louder than words sometimes? Tiu. Whatever lah. As long as it works? Shit! What if she doesn't believe me? [Sneaks look at her]
WTF!! She's crying! What happened? She doesn't believe me? Did I say it wrongly? Does she hate me now? Why is she crying and smiling at the same time? [Looks warily around for signs of descending parang]. Oh, she's smiling! [Phew].
Dammit.
I friggin' don't understand women.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE HAVING THEIR PERIODS.
Update: Oops, sorry peeps 'cause I forgot to add this bit here. So yeah, this is my response to Vince's 'I am woman, hear me rant' post. P/s, I don't think I'm really cut out writing like a guy. Plumb near drove me crazy trying to write this post. Heh. Big thanx to Vince and Mini for help and ideas. Next time, just shoot me when you guys come up with crazy ideas like this.
October 18th, 2005 at 3:22 pm
Maybe is the reason in the society nowadays that the feamle side will assume the male chauvinist to be only contended with girls with large bosoms. Thus that is the reason the female acted that way. Or either is the reason the girls is yearning for more attention that the beau hardly gives?
October 18th, 2005 at 3:32 pm
when a woman has her period, or PMS, the correct answer a man must make to every question, request or demand is ‘yes, dear’.
i know what i’m talking about. i am married and have been for 6 years, and it has been 4 years since my last fight during pms or period time. for the uninitiated man, you can anything you want for 3 weeks a month. but for one month you stick to the above and you will be safe… trust me on this one…
October 18th, 2005 at 3:38 pm
maybe the best way is to get a ‘horrible sore-throat’ every 7 days a mth? But then you have to learn the art of subtle neck moves to rpely questions. Good luck =P
October 18th, 2005 at 4:14 pm
I thought when girls or woman have PMS , all they want is their boyfriend to understand that they are in pain and want their boyfriend to attend to whatever they want so that they feel loved?
A little cuddling would help also?
It work for me the last time.. well maybe it doesn’t work anymore??
October 18th, 2005 at 4:27 pm
Wah? Sedap la your writing, minishorts.
October 18th, 2005 at 4:28 pm
haha…interesting post.
And rijac is totally spot on
October 18th, 2005 at 4:44 pm
wan zafran : it’s not from minishorts, It’s from her beautiful and witty guestblogger Elaine.:wink:
October 18th, 2005 at 5:54 pm
“What is it with girls and corny lines like this?”
Ahahahah! Guilty! I lurve sappy romantic corny mushy stuff. And my bf doesn’t like spouting it
I think almost all bfs don’t like to spout those stuff oftenlarh. Sigh.
Elaine, I reckon you did a pretty good job at being a guy, because I can swear that my bf thinks abt these exact same stuff when I try to pull this type of stunt on him.
Yeah, he also went, “actions speak louder than words whatttt”.
October 18th, 2005 at 7:15 pm
i changed my blog. pls link to smashpop.net.. thanks
October 18th, 2005 at 7:17 pm
yeah yeah .. u girls, when guys say those corny things, you would end up suspecting that he’s a playboy or something. When they don’t , you would think that they are not romantic at all..
But we do think that action speak louder than words what.. hahahaha.
October 18th, 2005 at 7:29 pm
Actually, when Hani has her PMS I just sit there, grin like an idiot and let her hit me as much as she wants.
She gets pissed off when I’m grinning like that, because she’s PMSing and thus much, much, much easier to predict.
She gets over it when it’s over and if she hurts me enough she’ll feel guilty enough to treat me extra nice too. :>
October 18th, 2005 at 9:49 pm
You know, I never asked my BF whether I was pretty or not. I mean, c’mon..OBVIOUSLY he would say yes lah so why ask when the answer is obvious already. LOL. It wouldn’t mean a thing also if it was forced outa his mouth. So the best thing is just to wait and well, I get paid off well for not asking whether I’m pretty or not..haha coz sometimes when I’m doing something or when I’m just watching TV so intently..he’d go like “Darling, you’re such a pretty girl”. Now that’s a sincere comment!
And while we’re out shopping or something, I’d prolly do all the chiq staring and guy gazing and when I see a real pretty girl, I’d point out to him. He’d always go “Where? Which girl..nolah..where got pretty” and I’d be like hmm…is he for real or he’s just staying out of trouble.
October 18th, 2005 at 9:50 pm
T-Boy : My BF does the exact same thing and it’s bloody hell working. I’m treating him nicer everytime I have my PMS because I feel guilty for hurting him when I’m PMSing.
October 18th, 2005 at 10:41 pm
my boyfriend does the ‘yes dear’ thing and it annoys the hell out of me but he seems to enjoy seeing me annoyed very much. nabeh.
October 18th, 2005 at 10:44 pm
i forgot to add.. if ‘yes dear’ begins to annoy girl, switch to ‘i’m sorry, its my fault’….
October 19th, 2005 at 12:41 am
i cant stand whenever i talk him ..
he talk with others at the same time
when tat time i want him to listen to me..
he listen to me thats it!!!!!!!!!!!
also when i`m freaking out here..donch u say sounds like very simple…
By S-Kay
And while we’re out shopping or something, I’d prolly do all the chiq staring and guy gazing and when I see a real pretty girl, I’d point out to him. He’d always go “Where? Which girl..nolah..where got pretty” hahahahahahahahahhahahaha sory i find this exactly funny :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
October 19th, 2005 at 6:32 am
rijac: Has never worked for me, that trick. I just get hit over the head, and then get told to not be sorry, if you want to be sorry come here, I’ll make you squeal like stuck pig.
It’s really an effective deterrent.
S-Kay: Heh. My girlfriend used to get pissed off at all the other men staring at her. When she pointed it out to me my chest would swell I tell you, swell.
Then I started paying attention to how many guys would take surreptious looks. It tickles me pink, I tell you.
Oh, and she’s never really had a problem with me girl-watching. She hates it though when I read a book or watch TV or otherwise not pay attention to her by consuming some kind of media in her presence.
minishorts: Lately, she’s been saying that she’s fat when she PMSes.
I just glare at her and tell her to take those damn words back, stop calling yourself fat, you’re not.
Pisses me off when someone says that. Especially her—she was the one who thought me that I wasn’t fat, at my worst I was unfit, and no one should feel unhappy or not pretty just because they’re not skinny.
And hearing her say that? Hell no.
October 19th, 2005 at 8:06 am
t-boy: now must call her fiancee adi… not gf…
congratulations yah!
October 19th, 2005 at 3:52 pm
PMS is a curse to men
I really believe one of our forefathers f**ked up somewhere and a curse was brought down to us men that until the end of time women will have PMS
Great, just great
October 19th, 2005 at 4:08 pm
actually xman that’s the most chauvinistic line i heard today man, and boy you are so fucking wrong.
it’s a curse for women more than it is for men, but fucking hell, men like you will never know it. probably the reason why you’re still single, or if you’re attached to someone, you FUCK UP every single month.
October 19th, 2005 at 4:15 pm
Eh..T-Boy, your girl should be my friend lah then…I thikn I look bloated (not fat) when I’m having my menstrual. Must be tak cukup some hormone that usually boost our esteem up ler.
AhLian : Eh, I also laughed ok but he looked damn serious when he asked where, which girl and etc coz he seems to only notice girls which I think are not pretty. Weird taste lah he..I’m excluded ok. LOL.
MS : You know why they enjoy seeing you get annoyed because to men..when you’re annoyed, that’s when you look the cutest and prettiest
rite..
October 20th, 2005 at 6:09 pm
Xman - how is it a curse for men?
My Ex used to go through an enormous amount of pain each month because of hers, and being there for her during that time was not a chore. Shure, she’d go off her head and stuff at the slightest drop of a hat, but you have to understand that they have a heap of hormones running throug their bodies.
You’re trying to tell us, that it’s a curse for men because you are incapable of looking at it from another persons persepctive?
I’d hate to be your GF … (especailly seems I’m a man … but that’s not the point)
You should try to be more understanding dude! When you know that you’re being yelled at because of her hormones or something, then you should realise you should not be taking it personally. It’s not her that’s doing the yelling. It’s the hormones.
Other than THAT, I can’t think of how it can in anyway impact a guy! On the womens side, they can have a lot of differnet stuff happening. It’s true, they don’t all get these things I’m about to mention, but some poor women do. The have less control over their emotions, they get pain, bloating, feel unloved or unwanted, and they bleed for a number of days straight.
It’s a proven fact that women can actually handle more pain than men, [if you dont' beleive me, go have a baby!] So if they say they’re in pain, you better believe they Aare in PAIN!!!
PMS a curse to men?
Minishorts said it was a chauvenistic thing to say. I think it’s a pretty selfish thing to say. You’re basically saying the inconvience it is causing you is more important than the problems someone else is going through.
Didn’t know how to put it any nicer. Hope that helps put it inot some perspective for you - and the reasons I spoke up, is I figure when you hear this sort of thing froma woman, you just figure they are whinging. Now you’ve heard it from a man - so I hope you stop and have a think about what you said.
Not trying to be nasty to you dude, just trying to open your eyes a little. Hope you take it that way.
Cheers.
November 3rd, 2005 at 1:41 pm
elaine>>good job. damn interesting post.
what would men know about pain?
the day a man successfully pops something the size of a watermelon out of a hole on their body the size of a lemon, then you come and talk to us women.