Bachelor Girl’s Prayer revisited
Hi, it’s me, Viewtru, the Social Commentary blogger again.
Today, I wish to blog on how to achieve world peace and end starvation. But I don’t have time for that shit yet. Not now. There are other matters much more pressing than world peace and the end of starvation. Pressing matters like how to get a great guy as a boyfriend. FireAngel is coming here to guest blog tomorrow and I hope to preempt her from ranting about how difficult it is to find good guys in town.
Today's posting has an adult rating. Therefore, all underage kids are requested to leave this site by shutting down your browser. However, if you’re still too young to know what a browser is, rebooting your computer will usually achieve the same effect. Do it now.
If you’re still here, then I assume that you are a mature broadminded adult. Okay, let's roll!
Girls, girls, girls…great guys are not that difficult to find. You just have to take the right approach to locate them. By the right approach, I mean using a thing like a prayer.
Last July, some of you may remember that I wrote this prayer for the world, specifically for all the single girls out there:
The Bachelor Girl's Prayer
As I lay me down to sleep
Still wide awake while counting sheep
I pray: Dear God, send me a guy
Who'll hug and love me till I die
A guy who thinks that I'm the best
And tells his mom and all the rest
A guy whose views are truly kind
Who keeps a gentle, thoughtful mind
I pray he's not a lazy slob
But one who has a steady job
This guy should own a house and car
And he should treat me like a star
And when he takes me to his bed
He'll moan "Oh yes!" while getting head
I pray that when I suck him hollow
He doesn't try to make me swallow
Hooray, I thought, everybody’s problems are over. The girls will soon no longer rant about not meeting the right guys.
Fast forward to present.
Guess what…the bachelor girls are still ranting about how difficult it is to meet a guy. What the fuck happened? Did the prayer not work?
My analytical mind knew what happened. These girls are not able to say the last verse of the prayer convincingly because they are not the sort of girls who are into giving oral gratification. They don’t mind receiving, but it’s the sucking and spitting that bothers them.
So how?
So let me just rewrite that last verse. Remove the previous last verse that so bothered you and replace that with this:
And when he takes me to his bed
He'll moan "Oh yes!" while getting laid
And if he eats me, then I wish
He does not think I smell of fish.
There…it ought to work now. So here’s the deal. Say this prayer CONVINCINGLY three times a day and you should get your dream guy in no time. And remember, same time next year I don’t wanna hear any girl ranting that great guys are impossible to find. Do that and I’ll know that you haven’t been saying your prayers.
This is Viewtru, signing off.
October 19th, 2005 at 11:54 am
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA EH … no lah women hardly smell of fish.. if they do.. OH MAN…
a woman should smell like a woman.
October 19th, 2005 at 11:59 am
Smell like a woman? Hmm….
October 19th, 2005 at 12:28 pm
Smell of fish? I think that’d applied to men instead, no?
October 19th, 2005 at 1:02 pm
do u have similar prayer for guy? or do we have to rant like a girl will u then only comes out with a prayer for us?
October 19th, 2005 at 1:10 pm
LOL
Viewtru, you’re hilarious.
October 19th, 2005 at 1:24 pm
depends on what time of month, no?
October 19th, 2005 at 1:49 pm
LOL! Great post!
October 19th, 2005 at 1:58 pm
They do so smell of fish. Tuna would be more accurate.
October 19th, 2005 at 2:06 pm
Viewtru, would you write on my behalf tomorrow. I’ve ran out of ideas. My love to HotBabe Cheers.
October 19th, 2005 at 2:15 pm
bwahahahahaha! *thumbs up!*
October 19th, 2005 at 2:35 pm
If the man I wish to find
Is unavailable, then never mind.
Dear God may I have instead
Angelina Jolie in my bed.
October 19th, 2005 at 2:36 pm
Edrei: Dude, what kinda TUNA have you been EATING??
Hemmm. Hemmm.
October 19th, 2005 at 2:38 pm
lainie: lmao… that tuna bit made me
too
October 19th, 2005 at 2:49 pm
Thumbs up!
But, where is the Bachelor Boy’s Prayer??
October 19th, 2005 at 2:51 pm
Tuna. AHahahahahhaa…
You only heard it from someone right Edrei? XD
A woman should smell like woman.. HHHmmm.. how does that smell anyway? If you don’t mean the perfume or BO minishorts? O_O
Anyway, it was a great piece viewtru! nice one!
October 19th, 2005 at 3:19 pm
Anyone want some tartar sauce?
October 19th, 2005 at 3:23 pm
….and after 7 years of blissfull marriage, things get boring….
And when he takes me to his bed
His snoring is hard to take
Image of other women & ESPN occupies his head
Bloody hell I have to masturbate
October 19th, 2005 at 3:55 pm
Hmmm. Bachelor Boy’s prayer:
As I lay me down to sleep
Still wide awake while counting sheep
I pray: Dear God, send me a gal
If you send me more You’re really a pal
I’ll choose the one who thinks me the best
And tells her mom and all the rest
A babe whose views are truly kind
Who keeps a thoughtful yet playful mind
I pray she doesn’t mind that I’m a slob
I may not even have a steady job
I might never own a house and car
But she would still treat me like a star
And when I take her to my bed
She’ll moan “Oh yes!” while giving me head
I pray that she’ll just suck me hollow
And I won’t have to make her swallow
October 19th, 2005 at 3:59 pm
WAHAHAHAHAHA!! OMFG! Fish! If a woman starts to smell like fish then she’s probably got some sort of VD. I forgot which one…but hahahaha…tuna! [LMAO!!]
October 19th, 2005 at 4:22 pm
OMG…TUNA??????????
At least a Salmon lah
October 19th, 2005 at 4:25 pm
A woman after 7 years of marriage prayers:
As I lay me down to sleep
Still wide awake while counting sheep
I pray: Dear God, send me another guy
Because this one made me so mad I almost die
I want a guy who’d give me his best
And would hump me all night without rest
And god if you ever be so kind
Send me a handsome one so I won’t go blind
Yes I hope the guy is a heart-throb
And not one of those total blob
So I don’t have to spend every night at a bar
Looking for a gigolo who looked like a star
And when he takes me to his bed
He’ll moan “Oh yes!” while getting head
I pray that when he’s eating up my pussy
He won’t tell anyone that it smell of fishy!
I’m evil~~~
October 19th, 2005 at 4:28 pm
The lady i saw today smelled like cockroach, not fish… uwek, uwek.
October 19th, 2005 at 4:55 pm
So my parents were right - there are plenty of fish in the sea.
October 19th, 2005 at 5:47 pm
lol
not bad not bad
October 19th, 2005 at 5:53 pm
And if he eats me, then I wish
OMG..cannibalism?! ? !?
October 19th, 2005 at 6:20 pm
how on earth that a girl/woman would smell like a fish? tuna, kerapu, tengili or many more….
cheerio…
October 19th, 2005 at 6:31 pm
:idea:if bachelor gals pray for non-slobs,n bachelor boys pray tt gals dun mind them being slobs..doesn’t tt prayer become redundant?hecklar lliddat gals,n guys alike,shud juz hit d bar hehe:lol:
P/S:gals dun smell of fish..some smell weird,some…err….different but definitely no fish…look at d fishmongers in d market…all guys mah
October 19th, 2005 at 6:55 pm
“…they are not the sort of girls who are into giving oral gratification.”
They should get used to it now, they’ll be doing it for the rest of their lives.
The general consensus is that it does taste like fish - thus the joke:
Adam was in the garden of Eden when the clouds formed overhead and God’s booming voice said, ‘Adam! Adam! Where is Eve?’
‘Oh Great Almighty Lord!’ Replied Adam, ‘She has gone down to the river to bath!’
‘Oh, no!’ Exclaimed God. ‘Now all the fish will taste like that!’
As a vegetarian, I have no idea what fish tastes like. But women certainly have a distinctive taste. Any women who has doubts can turn Lesbo and have a try. Tell us what it tastes like and put the video on their blog!
(Oh dear! Dabido turned bad!!!)
October 19th, 2005 at 7:25 pm
kurt: lol!!!
October 19th, 2005 at 8:42 pm
Hello everybody
I want to ask a question exp to lady and hope no laugh laugh at me.
I never sek sek there before if..i say if..if really smell like fish i go and put medicated oil(Foong Yau) on my nose do u think she get offended.I think that the best way..win win situation mai
October 19th, 2005 at 8:58 pm
Fish? FISH???? What kind of women have you been eating?
IMHO giving oral is just as good as sex, if not better.
October 19th, 2005 at 9:22 pm
mmmmmmmmmmm fish.
October 19th, 2005 at 9:38 pm
Viewtru, I was serious about my request. But only if you’re up for it. Otherwise I’ll do something stupid like type up a draft half drunk…..
October 19th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
FireAngel: KNN, half drunk only, not fully drunk yet! Okay, okay! I’ll do it. But you will do one for me in November, okay?
October 20th, 2005 at 1:07 am
Heard…? No. That’s first hand experience. Or first tongue. Or second. It does remind me of tuna for some reason.
October 20th, 2005 at 2:02 am
Edrei must have been smelling his own breath? You left some tuna on your tongue didn’t you?
October 20th, 2005 at 4:03 am
so freaking funny!!
October 20th, 2005 at 8:58 am
fish is ok what, as long as it doesn’t smell like 3 days old road kill.. that would be much worse doesn’t it? XD
October 20th, 2005 at 4:46 pm
Momma told me to add sliced ginger to it if you want to get rid of the fishy smell (in cooking term la) dunno if can apply it ‘there’ or not.