Banana People
Filed under General
Minishorts says: Guest blogging in place of Vince today is Jolene Lai, who runs her own blog at this site. We all know Jolene for her first-person reviews of the National Service camps, and of course, the mad, mad sets of photographs that accompany her lengthy posts. Today, Jolene goes bananas with, urm, bananas.
So my thick faced application for self-invited nut got through. Many thanks to Minishorts who graciously allowed me to contaminate her blog with my endless mumblings. She told me that I could blog about anything and that I can include photos (which my blog is overflowing with) which made me very happy! I NEARLY wanted to blog about cadavers again with photographs(yay!) but she pantang wor. I would not want to have her blog cursed by the souls of the unclaimed bodies from India anyway. So you'll just have to make do with what I've decided to spew forth.
Just a few days ago, I went to buy bread for my housemate from the Chinese coffee shop near my hostel. The towkei of the shop packed the bread for me and said, "Yi kuai Jiu!" and I had to turn to my housemate, "What ah? How much ah?" Feeling very pai seh, my housemate replied, "He said RM1.90 la.."
The towkei was slightly amused and wondered where I'm from since I can't understand Chinese. My housemate then explained to him that I am English educated (cheh wah, like very gaya like that) and can't read or write Chinese. The kindly old towkei nodded and smiled understandingly.
Not wanting to appear as un-chinese as I have already seemed to him, I said, "Ngo sek gong guongdong wah lah!" (I can speak Cantonese). "Ngo sek gong siu siu wah yi tan hai ng sek gong fu kin wah. Soh yu tau sin ngo ng meng pak lei gong mee yeah loh." (I know a little mandarin but do not know any Hokkien. That is why I did not understand what you said just now).
The towkei looked at me blankly. His 13 year old son replied for his father, "Ngo ah pa ng sek gong guongdong wah geh. Tan hai hui tau sin hai gong gan wah yi, ng hai fu kin wah," (My father doesn’t speak Cantonese. But he was speaking mandarin just now, not hokkien.).
The little boy then gave me a disgusted look, clearly wondering what kind of Chinese species I am if I don't even know mandarin. I was so peeved!!
I was looked down upon! Discriminated by my own race!
Maybe it's time to form another race of my own: Bananas.
For those who do not know, Banana is a term given to Chinese people who cannot speak Chinese. Just like a banana, they are yellow on the outside but white on the inside. We originate from a bunch of Chinese people whose parents sent them to English schools set up by the British and most of the time, for the past three generations, not a single family member would know how to write Chinese. Most of the bananas' greatest command of Chinese would be the Hokkien and Cantonese vulgarities though.
Banana people(xiang jiao ren/kung chiu yan) have adopted manglish as their traditional language. Majority of the bananas can speak their own dialect but they can not read or write Chinese. Bananas celebrate Christmas(we like presents!) and Chinese new year(money is always good). Now, this has nothing to do with religion but we just like to celebrate for the slightest reasons.
Banana people shake their heads at other Chinese with extremely bad grammar. "May I friendster you?" makes banana girls want to drive a stake through the skulls of those lala chais. Perhaps banana people may be a little egoistical in the sense that they think just because they are westernized and are more proficient in English means they are better educated. I used to hold true to that belief but I have changed my views as I have come to realize the extreme difference between two types of Chinese educated Chinese.
Most of the top students in Malaysia are those from Chinese schools. They can get the highest grades and scare you with their studious attitude.(read: nerd.) Of course I respect them, I need to copy their notes. These top students are also one of the more creative people around and perhaps it's the chinese school upbringing, they are usually very talented.
Then, during my national service stint, I didn’t know that there are so many uneducated young Chinese Malaysians. Those who are a year older than the actual age for this year's intake are the educated ones. When I say educated I mean that they went for remove classes and have completed their form five. Almost all those who are 18 this year are drop outs. Do you know that none of them will speak to me in English?
On the first day, I introduced myself, "Hi, I am Jolene! What’s your name?"
The reply? "Mou tong ngo kong ying man, ngo ng sek geh." (Don’t speak to me in English, I don’t know one.).
Damn cha tou.
I’ve come to realize that it is true that bananas are a minority in our society. You can differentiate a banana from a Chinese-educated Chinese(Chinese Ed) from the way they speak. I don’t know how to describe to you in words but you can just tell from listening. Perhaps there is a difference in accent? A Chinese-ed's English is not smooth and you can hear the slightest hint of doubt in their choice of words or pronunciation. I’m not saying that the bananas' English is grammatical error-free but bananas speak faster.
What I am saying is that there's definitely a difference in accent.
But it does suck to not know much any mandarin. Gossips have to be repeated to me in Cantonese and my housemates have taken to calling me kepo.
Also, with a good grasp of mandarin, I would not have to succumb myself to embarrassing incidents like the time my friend asked me in mandarin, "Ji dian le?"(What time is it?) It was two o'clock and I replied confidently with a bright smile, "Er shi kuai!" (20 bucks!)…needless to say it has become a long standing joke.
With a better knowledge of mandarin, I don’t have to mumble, "Zhen de ma? Dui bu dui?"(Really? Yes or not…) repeatedly when sales assistants try to entice me with their wares.
But once a banana, and such an old one too(far past the entry age for Chinese primary schools), I will always be deemed weird by my fellow chinesemen for needing a translater when I am conversing with them.
I thought it’d be nice to pose with some bananas to go with my post. Bought two combs of bananas for RM0.50
(what a bargain!) for the occasion and decided to get trigger happy. Couldn’t find nice big long bananas …but hey, Pisang Emas is Malaysian and that’s what we should all be about: Malaysian. In our lands, big bananas are not common. So we make do with pisang emas even though they are not that satisfying. 
Can be used as pompoms.
Can be used as chinese dancing fans.
Can be used as a bikini top.
Can be used as a cigar.
Mickey Mouse!!
I know I'm disgusting, no need to tell me leh.
I can fit four bananas!!!
Yes, I know this looks disturbing. Deal with it.
I feel happy when I have sliced bananas on my face!
But sometimes I can get quite shy…
I had fun taking those photos and had intense tummy aches after a few minutes due to too many bananas. See, the things I do for the sake of blogging.
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Oct31
November 2, 2005 at 7:18 pm
Lainie – My apologies. I should be more knowledgable in terminology for Malaysia (the country), but in this case I failed.
It’s actually correct English to call it Malaysian (as that’s what we also call the Malay language in English – dictionary link included to show that I’m not making that up), but as I’m on a Malaysian site which is populated with a lot of Malaysian people I should have been more familiar with the correct Malay terminology.
So thanks for picking that up. I’ll try to remember it in future (and please remind me if I call it Malaysian again. Like I said though, if I fail you’ll know it’s because it’s correct in English to call it Malaysian – but I will try to get it write when speaking to Malaysians [the people] in future).
So my apologies, wasn’t meaning to offend or get the terminology incorrect on this site.
Cheers. Much appreciated!
[And before anyone intervenes and says, 'Hey wait, Dabido, you proved you were using correct English with that dictionary link', I will defend Lainie, as I think it is worth me knowing what to call the language when speaking to people from Malaysia - because that's what it's called over there ... even if I am over here ... but Swiftie is also here ... what do you call it Swiftie when you are in Australia ... which you are????]
Hope that makes sense.
Jayelle – Hmmm, what do I like about Asian girls? Um … er … why do some girls prefer Brad Pitt, and others would prefer Tom Cruise? Comes down to a personal preference I guess … but I’ve always been partial to black hair, nice eyes … okay, some asian girls I’ve meet drink too much and have red blood shot eyes … but that could be anyone from any race … um …
I like they way they look … most are very nice … but then again, so are a lot of girls from a lot of different races.
So, I guess I can’t answer that question really. It’s probably just a preference of mine. It migh tbe genetic – I have a Vietnames cousin on my fathers side, a Chinese Cousin on my mother’s side, so maybe it’s also hereditary … we keep marrying asian girls … and we have blakc in the family, so maybe we like blacks too … and lots of white … maybe we’re all just as horny as anything and need a good bonk with any girl that comes along …
But my preference is Asian girls. I like them … though if I get even more into my prefences, then Japanese girls would be my first prefence, though there hve been some absolute STUNNING Chinese girls I’ve met and the occassional Malaysian, Philipina and Thai girls who weere absloute knock outs.
And Vicki Zhao Wei is probably my dream girl … *sigh* … and yeah, I do see the irony in a guy who’s prefence is for Japanese girls who’s dream girl is Chinese …
BUT, somehow, no matter how many asian girls I chase and no matter how many I date, I still end up with some blonde girl!!! I have no idea how it happens (except to say I do get chased by blondes for some reason … I have no idea way … actually, that’s not always true … but they seem to be able to catch me easier!)
now I’ve raved on a lot just to really say ‘I have no idea – it’s just a prefence’.
Sorry minishorts … what a long comment I’ve just made … but everyone is used to it … right?
[p.s. please send more single asian girls to Perth]
November 3, 2005 at 10:58 pm
Trust me, it’s heaps worst when you don’t know any dialects and when your parents are both chinese and you’ve been educated in Malaysia for 9 years..
That’s me… All I know is manglish and malay (which I suck at)…
When I came to aussie, I had to go for English as a Second Language because English was too hard…
Aaaaah… how gay is that???
December 7, 2005 at 4:48 am
my gosh.
same case here!!
i went to NS,
asked a chinese girl something on the 1st day, and she just stared blurly back at me..
haha. banana indeed.
your write up is SO true
April 15, 2006 at 12:16 am
“wah yi”? it’s “wah yu.” and “hui”? it’s “kui.” Are you really pronouncing those words like the way you’ve written them?
I believe that most people in malaysia are educated in malay and not english. but a lot of people would say they are either chinese ed or english ed. as opposed to malay ed. Well, I think we should be more accurate when describing our educational background.
September 12, 2006 at 4:57 am
You can open your mouth pretty wide. Maby I can see how far down your throat my schlong would go.
November 12, 2006 at 6:44 pm
ROFL! banana abuse! >_
March 5, 2007 at 6:37 am
I think that that was the most unpleasant set of pictures that I have ever seen, but it must have taken lots of guts to do that. I have a sister who is pretty much a bannana. She looks to the bright side if she is feeling low. She is 17 and she knows at least one song from every disney movie ever made. Her favorite is “The little Mermaid” where Ariel sings that song in her cavern about her thing-a-mabobs. She has a wonderful voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) She is very looney,too.
May 12, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Here’s my take on clarifying the use of English Ed rather Malay Ed. It’s really a reference to the kid’s family/linguistic background rather than the language their educated in. Their parents are typically English/dialect speaking or english educated, usually illiterate in chinese. It is quite common to find a number (in fact alot) who can speak/read Chinese. Ultimately, chinese literacy is the acid test. There are some who can do all, but they are the exception, rather than the rule.
June 15, 2007 at 9:26 pm
wow!
entertainment!
thoes thing you do for others to be entertain,are simply NOBLE!
(i dont know what the heck i’m talking,just wanted to say thats very entertaining.)
December 28, 2007 at 11:39 pm
Hey this is a cool website and i enjoted every bit of the ‘bananas’ issues u were talking about. id like to keep in touch with u.i am from sabah,malaysia. i came back from Aus for almost a month now and i like to be frends with ppl who are Westernized….
my email is tommy-mercy@hotmail.com
August 21, 2008 at 2:46 pm
nice post!! being a banana myself, i think that your facts are kinda true.. lol..
August 21, 2008 at 2:49 pm
by the way, i think you should really create a new race : Bananas.. and i’ll be the first to join.. XD
August 23, 2008 at 2:15 am
I understand ur feeling !!!
So sad when i read ur blog course i am also a banana !!!!!!!
People like us are difficult to live wif other chinese people !
The worst part i don’t know any cantonese or hokien !!!!
Haiz
April 15, 2009 at 4:15 am
[...] just minishorts. » Blog Archive » Banana People Posted in Chinese Antiques | [...]
November 29, 2009 at 10:34 pm
I am a banana too. But need to survive in Mandarin-speaking environment. Still doing fine. Will improve my Mandarin grasp in time to come..
July 20, 2011 at 6:57 pm
banana here too! i am a chinese straits born (baba) and i speak not a single chinese dialect. I would be enthused to join the banana club! add me on msn: mmel_cchg@hotmail.com
October 22, 2011 at 7:20 am
[...] others’ experiences have made me think a lot about myself and my identity as well. I think what actually pushed me into [...]