just minishorts.

I think it's so much easier to be a man.

Just think about it this way. This is what a woman has to go through:

You get born, you come into this world, and then you find out that you don't have a little dangly bit that sticks out from between your legs there. For some reason, your mama would tell you that that's a very precious bit, and you don't want anything going inside there.

That's all right. Life goes on nicely for a few years. You delight in knowing that you can wear both PINK and BLUE and no one would blink an eye, and hey, guys are ugly, and girls can wear ribbons and nice sparkly things. Girls can wear both skirts and pants, but boys can only wear pants nyek nyek.

Then you get to school, you see those guys who used to be shorter than you suddenly grow taller. And then you start to realize that things aren't so fun anymore. One day, some smart ass decides to write you a love poem, OR, tell the whole world that he's in love with you. From then on, it's a spiral way down the chute. Oh, you know it all. As long as you're in uniforms, your parents will put curfews on you, and you can see your brother walking in and out of the house at anytime he wants to. You argue, but Mum's responses are pretty much routine, 'He's a boy, dear, and you're a girl.'

You want to say, 'But what difference does it make?', but you hold back, because yes yes yes, it makes for ALL THE DIFFERENCE in the world.

And then you graduate, you work, you find a guy you love, you fall in and out of love, you go through what I am currently going through now, 'He the one? He the one? What if? What if? What if?'

If you're meant to get hitched, you do, and it's all the way through marriagehood, you know, the likes, motherhood, the worrying about your children, then your husband, whether he's gallavanting around town like a casanova again, and then you watch your kids grow up, and you worry, and you worry, and you worry. You worry that someone will pick them up one day (legally, or illegally), you worry that they don't do very well in their studies, when they're a bit younger you're worried that they'll start dating all too soon, but if they're older you worry about whether they'll ever get a good man/woman to cherish and to love… oh it's an endless, endless ordeal all the way.

For guys, things are simplified, tenfold. For instance, my bf is aware of my worrywart tendencies, and his solution is always this: 'Worry so much for what, not like it's going to change a thing.'

From what I see, the route of life is so much easier for guys, you know, you get born with an ugly stick down there, down there, and that makes for ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

I heard proof of this over my mum's conversation, with my aunt the other day. My older cousin is 28, and unattached. So the discussion came, 'Eh, when's your daughter getting married?'

I remember looking at my cousin, and he rolled his eyes and made a silly face at me.

Mum went, 'Not so soon lah. She's only 25!'
'Ya, ya, still young lah, not to worry yet. At least she has someone already. My son, aiyah… dunno what happened lah. Now at 28 still never bring a girl home. '

My turn to roll eyes at the cousin. He scowled, hehe.

Mum said, 'Well, doesn't matter lah. Can slowly look one.'
'Yeah lah, anyway, boy, its okay one lah. You worry more if she's a girl.'

…

Welcome to my world.

Closer friends would know that my bf's sold his car and we're now alternating between my car and his mother's car, whichever is more convenient. Obviously being the gf makes my three year old wira the easier option — after all, I drive to work, and the car stays still in the carpark from 8 to 6 daily.

So suddenly, I'm meeting Eric not just once daily, but several times daily. Mornings, its hello, peck on the cheek, and then we're off to breakfast, after that he'll drop me off work with a bear hug, and promises to pick me up after work later. And then we have dinner, it's either at his place, usually at mine, and Mum's begun to cook more hearty dinners since I'm dining at home more often now.

It's almost as if we were settling down, except, of course, we're living apart still, and he takes the car home every night, usually. No, living together isn't an option, not just yet. There are many reasons to this, monetary, religion, culture, tradition… If you haven't already know, I am very conservative, and Eric is more so than me. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing of course.

Perhaps with the increased frequency of meeting each other, we've grown more attached to each other, and its true, we call each other more often now. Not just to listen to each's voice, but our conversations are more intimate, like deep discussions about personal struggles, and personal plans for the future.

Sometimes, like last night, I had dinner at his place, and because he's got an early appointment the next morning, I drive the car home. Or maybe he realizes the inconvenience of sharing a car when we live in separate homes–so today he's promised that he'll get the new car a little sooner, although I can't quite place my feelings about this. I'll admit that I quite like being chauffeured to and fro from work, and I can probably settle into this arrangement for many months to come. Or maybe what I thought was right–it's true, these little things, they place pressure in a relationship. When this arrangement first started, there were problems, and strange arguments over nothing in particular. A few weeks later, we've grown used to the inconveniences, we've argued less, I'm contented, and I'm acclimatized to this. It's not really that bad a thing after all.

Maybe somewhere in between, there lies the faintest flicker that maybe, a shared future isn't quite that ambitious after all.

November seems a prime month for marriages. Just Sunday alone I spotted three cars made up with ribbons and all and the pretty silhouette of a veiled bride sitting peacefully in it. And then, on the way to Klang Mum and I saw a fleet of over 17 cars honking their way along the federal highway (presumably, on their way to pick up the bride).

On Saturday Eric and I were driving along the NPE, on our way to see the mechanic for his car… and then we saw the very strange sight of a Hilux all decked in ribbons and frills.

'Man, that cannot be, cannot be, a bridal car…' I said.

Eric agreed. I mean, hello, can you imagine a beaming bride, with blooming can-cans and all, climbing into a four wheel drive truck! Of all things? 'Should have used an MPV instead,' he said.

'I supposed MPVs are way more comfortable to climb into, rather than the conventional Mercedes or BMW ya?'
'Maybe, we'll see…'

It's true. Weddings are in the air. Everytime I settle down and try to relax without thinking about terrifying future bits like marriages and all, something reminds me yet again, that people will ask, and people will wonder. Last night I returned home from dinner to Mum and my cousin, pouring over the photos they took at her wedding. They were, to my horror, pointing out photos of Eric and I, and the kinds of smiles and head-tilts we should next attempt so that we'll look more 'perfect' together.

It's especially frightening when you have at least 5 weddings to attend in 2006, and 2005 hasn't even ended yet! You know, obviously, that unlike a year ago, when a relationship with a man could be just that — a relationship, and nothing more… now that you're 25 and prime for marriage, people will definitely ask, 'So when's your turn?'

But of course I worry that I won't ever, ever make it down the aisle, or my relationship with the current beau is yet another temporary phase… and these worries are all too real. But then I see the married ppl in all-too-real squabbles over house loans, and wedding packages, or marriage break-ups after just 2 years of tying the knot, and I think, 'Sheesh…'

So tell me just one thing, what exactly is the point of getting married?

And you were wondering why is it so hard for employers to fill the gaps, while so many graduates are complaining about their lack of choices.

Him:i in penang…sob sob… wat to do
Her: how come you're sobbing
Him: engineers wat to do
Her: what in the world has that got to do with you being an engineer
Him:KL cannot find job. how's that sound to u
Her: maybe you're too picky lah employers sense this out like sniffing dogs. serious
Him:everyone say i picky, i say employers are picky
Her: i think employers have a right to be picky
Him: i apply 100 jobs in KL. interview 20. got 2 offers..i apply 2 jobs in penang. get 2 interviews. got 1 offer…who's picky?
Her: you're picky. 1 offer vs 2 offers. and you took the penang one. then you sound so sad. go figure
Him: that 2 offers is some lousy pay job…2000 vs 3000+… which one u choose
Her: he who cites 'lousy pay' is picky …2000+ kl and 3000+ penang… take lah KL, living expenses will cut down cos you'll be with your family…arrhhh what am i saying, you will complain anyway.
Him: tolls, petrol?
Her: you're the one who's sobbing.
Him:5 ppl company vs MNC
Her: oklah whatever suits your fancy
Him:i spend one year to get into engineering.now i will spend a long long way to get out from engineering
Her: maybe never should have gone into it lah… complain so much.
Him: i just hate a job sitting in front PC all day
Her: then CHANGE JOB LOR
Him: i did apply…but cant get…life…
Her: I thought you got it, that's why you're in penang! and then you say you not picky … wah round about circle…
Him:i say i cant get the job…those i got all the same…sit in front PC all day long
Her:you know i seriously think employers SNIFF out a demanding and picky attitude. this prolly causes your problems in getting what you want
Him:nope … it is all about experience, if u say i got attitude problem, y i can get my current job in MNC for one interview?
Her: if i kena one of my engineers talk like you. sure i damn kau benci ok.
Him: try to talk to another 80% of engineers over here. u think they like penang? everyone hate penang. except the local penang ppl
Her: … . well, i know you're very intelligent, and highly desired. are you in ABC MNC?
Him:NO
Her: then
Him:i will nvr go back there…can't imagine working in that shit company again, dun even giv u cubicle to work
Her: http://thescarfer.net/?p=88 read this… it might help
Him:dun even giv u project
Her: (i think you talk like this i also scared to give you project hehe)
Him: hey. i din talk like this until they make me sit for months doing nothing n until i piss off, complain, only they say they hire ppl for standby. n i m not the only one kena
Her: yeah well, you're in a new company now…you ought to sound a least more cheerful mah
Him:here ah… so far so good, ppl are helpful, i got my own cubicle. at least, they sending me to US soon…i got master degree pay, i got work to do. got project to handle
Her: wow see…you're so happy here. then why you sob in the beginning
Him: but it's penang… i can't even get a proper parking spot
Her: sheesh… i also dunno what you want. http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/11/6/nation/12359296&sec=nation did you read this? you should, and btw you're no longer a fresh grad, lack of experience is no longer an excuse.
Him: ai…few more years i dun wanna b engineer
Her: few more years don't want to work lah more like it
Him:if can i dun mind
Her:did you read the two posts i show you
Him:wait lah… no time now
Her: i think you have time lah… since you have time to chat with me
Him: chat n read diff
Her: you cannot multitask one ah
Him:man can one meh?
Her: eh a smart man with a masters degree who demands a 3000+ pay for an experience of less than 3 years, should be able to multitask.
Him:i'm multitask now mah…doing my work, n chat w u
Her:add another task… easy as pie
Him:cannot la. i m surfing web as well
Her: i told you your attitude sucks
Him: n talking on the phone, screwing up the finance for mixing my bank account number less one digit n i din get my money
Her: ok then i'll leave you alone. and you read that article. because it will do you a lot of good.
Him: i will leave that later…lets chat 1st…long time din chat w u
Her: right. i will leave you to later. because i don't have a master's degree pay. and i have to work.
Him:wat ever la. u earning more than me, no need master ….which prove engineering = lousy job
Her:i think its you. you go read back your chat log. and go figure. i seriously have to go. i have a deadline to catch. see ya

My doctor friend Gerrard is back again… haven't you heard of the dude? He's a gem. Now you've got to tell him to blog more. Please go and do so. Link.

A lolly and a second hand tickle-me-elmo toy for Claire for rescuing me from the bowels of the malaysian blogosphere yet again and giving me the opportunity to showcase my pseudo-talent for spewing rubbish to the general public. My last guest post on cervical cancers/pap smears was unyielding; meaning there was not a single request for me to perform a pap smear. Boo hoo. Boo hoo. And one more for the hattrick, boo hoo.

Anyway.

After spending 4 months of relative hell in the orthopedic emergency service at the accident and emergency department, by far and wide the most common so called emergency we encounter is…..back pain. Broken hips from frail geriatrics falling like bowling pins are a close second. So you've got some back pain, but before you decide to be all pussy-wussy ala Pee Wee Herman's grandmother and demand medical attention, stop, have a coffee, masturbate, call your mum, relax and then ask yourself these important screening questions:

Can I walk?
In general, there's nothing more deserving of a knuckle sandwich to the groin and a rusty iron rod shoved up the anus of a patient walking into the consultation room/cubicle complaining of severe back pain. Of course, there are exceptions.

Can I pee and shit properly?
Problems with shitting and peeing indicate spinal cord involvement. come to the emergency department and announce with pride, "I have back pain and I cannot shit and pee right!", and you'd be seen by your friendly doctor very soon. Say, 30 minutes after he grabs a snack, as opposed to a few hours.

Am I feeling numb or weak anywhere below the tummy?
Again, this indicates spinal cord involvement. Do as per above, but replace "I cannot shit and pee right!" with "I have numbness and weakness!". Pat on the back for you.

Does my family love me?
A surprising number of back pain complaints come from the families of patients, whom are usually unsuspecting old ladies with wet unchanged diapers. These are social admissions which we, rather surprisingly, have low tolerance for. So if your family doesn't love you, chances are that your mind will make the back pain seem more sinister than it is and you'll end up begging us for an admission to the wards where beautiful nurses will succumb to your every whim and fancy, unlike your family.

Am I an intravenous drug abuser?
High risk of dodgy infections should the offending organism decide to migrate and raise a family in your spine and it's surrounding structures. these kinds of back pain are a pain in the ass for your doctor and you, because it never goes away with regular analgesia.

Do I have cancer?
If you know you have cancer, and you have back pain as a bonus, please don't be shy to shout out, "i have back pain and cancer!". You'll be seen in minutes and probably started on steroids whether you like it or not.

So if you can walk, can pee and shit right, not feeling numb or weak, not an ivdu, do not have cancer and have back pain, chances are that it's not sinister enough to warrant urgent attention. Continue chatting to your mum, continue with the coffee, play with your belly button lint or whatever, just don't hurry in the emergency department complaining of back pain.

However, if you're an ivdu with cancer crawling in your own puddle of shit and pee because you can't shit and pee right and can't feel a damn thing and your family doesn't love you and you have some sort of back pain, feel free to seek medical intervention immediately. We'll embrace you with open arms and chuck you into the ward.

And of course, I think I should remind everyone that the above is just an extremely light hearted view of back pain management. Please visit your local friendly doctor for real advise instead of taking the rubbish i've written as gospel.

Phew.

Now i think i deserve a lolly too.