just minishorts.

Vincent says: Liz is a 17 year old kid who is happily blogging even though other kids her age are busy studying for SPM next week. She blogs because she loves writing and it allows her to have fun, experiment with different styles and meet interesting people (like me). Today, she blogs about her dreams as a typical 17 year old girl would..

I never expected my so-called application to guest blog for minishorts to get through. But, since I've been given the opportunity to do so … I hope that I don't massively disappoint her lady minishorts with my ramblings.

***

Being amidst all these SPM blues, with young and talented bloggers from all over blogging about being scared out of their wits about it, has got me thinking … No, I wasn't thinking about SPM. I was thinking about our screwed up education system. I was thinking about the one single mistake I made in Form 3 that made me suffer for the past two years.

Yup, lovely and silly me allowed my own ass to be kicked into the depths of hell a.k.a the Science stream. *cues X-files theme song here*

And trust me, if you're somebody as lazy and 'artistically-inclined' as me, you'd understand how I felt. I felt like a cow venturing into the land of monkeys, where everybody ate bananas while I ate grass.

I did notice, however, that most of the students in science stream suffered a somewhat similiar fate as I did - they were there not because they wanted to, but because their parents asked them to. In fact, my partner at school is an extremely talented artist…but she hides her drawings, because her parents want her to be a doctor, not an artist.

And she doesn't fight back. She succumbs to their pressures to study Biology, and secretly continues to paint in the middle of the night, away from their probbing eyes.

I'm not saying that I'm a strong person myself. But let me tell you a story of something that happened to me just three years ago, that changed my outlook on life…..

***

I was fourteen then…young, eager and naive. And somehow, still believed that love at first sight was real. Because I was in love with a guy named Ezra, who was the most good looking member of the opposite sex I ever laid my eyes upon…and the first time he smiled at me, I felt my heart melt.

(Too mushy for your liking? Hey, I'm seventeen! Whaddaya expect? :P)

But like in all fairytale love stories, there were barriers that stood in between the way of my Charming Prince and I. One of my best friends was in love with him as well. Because I was young, naive and really thought highly of my friend, I kept the fact that I liked Ezra as well to myself, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

And this is where it gets funny…

My best friend asked me to get Ezra's phone number for her. And being the dumb and retarded kid that I was - I did. I wanted to SMS him as well, but I was shy and afraid of being rejected.

And you can guess what happened next. Ezra and that particular pal of mine have been dating for the past three years.

Moral of the story: Do NOT practise the whole self-sacrificial thing. And if you're going through the same scenario as I did, give your friend the wrong number, and bloody SMS the chick/dude with your own.

Nah, actually, the experience itself was painful, but I learnt a lot from it. First, I learnt to never keep my dreams to myself. And to reach for my dreams, no matter what obstacles lie in my way.

I want to be a journalist. When I first told my parents of it, they were taken aback, but they gradually accepted the fact that I WAS NOT GOING TO BE AN ACCOUNTANT. Or marry a rich man and be a siu lai lai. (Of course, if the latter does happen…good for me lah!)

Which is why I was so pissed when my school refused to let me transfer to the Arts. And for some time, I was even somewhat pissed at my artist-wannabe partner in school, for being so scared of pursuing her dreams. But later, I realized that it was her life, not mine.

All of us, I believe, want to achieve something great in life. Something good. Well, until greed and fear came into the picture and thwarted our priorities, I guess.

And this whole SPM thing is really driving me me to the point of going nutty. O_o Will all my fellow candidates just CHILL? If you've studied for it, you'll DEFINITELY do well. Unlike me.

And please, allow me to continue living in my lovely land of self-denial and stop telling me how I'll become a toilet cleaner if I did badly in it. There's no point, really, because I'll merely flash you this face:

Yup, apparently, I'm still feeling very 'halloween'-ish. May that image haunt your nightmares.

Back to my topic, my biggest fear in life is not failing my SPM. In fact, despite the HUGE lack of studying on my part, I feel as ready as I'll ever be to face it, and I'll be happy to close that chapter of my life.

My biggest fear in life, is not knowing what it'll feel like to be the person the little kid in me has always dreamed of becoming. What's yours?

And now, please excuse me while I make another lame attempt at yet another romance story to restore the gap in my heart, caused by my nonexistential love life.