Blog Wars - Lesson 2: How to Fake-Start a Blog War
Section 2.0 - Introduction
As pioneers of this awesome new art, Vincent and Minishorts are proud to burst the bubble on you noobs. We shall now take you through a step-by-step guide on how to start fake blog wars with your friends, how to make it believable and how to get random kaypoh people to join in.
Section 2.1 - Choosing your victims, rallying your troops, finding the bystanders
To start off, the easiest way to step on people's tail, is to not deliberately step on any tail. You just have to give your smart-ass unwelcome opinion on a particular existing fight. One thing might always lead to another, and crazy ass people will just jump on the opportunity to extend their claws in protection of their loved ones egoes. Even if you're off the net for half the day because of a no-brain DOS attack, you still remain the talk of the blogosphere for heck of a silly war.
A few success examples:
Specimen #1 - Kimberlycun
Anyway, yeah, I do dislike you lor. You know chinese say it’s fated bla bla bla. Blog, no blog also same one I suppose.
Hot chick whos fights for everything (literally, EVERYTHING) had to quickly jump on the wagon seeing the chance of a possible new topic. MINISHORTS!
Specimen #2 - Shaolin Tiger
Perhaps the next big thing will be Minishorts.
See she has a whole new fanclub.
Hot chick's friend who calls her humpable, who has been posting lengthy comments, and who thinks minishorts might be, God forbid, the next big thing! How flattering.
Specimen #3 - Justine Chipped Blood Red Polish
Don’t mind me though. Just being jeles that I’m not femes.
Blogging veteran who's finally decided to join in the fun. WELCOME HOME, JUSTINE! We've missed you for a bit, *snarl*. This girl is sharp, a very good writer we've been missing on PPS, and her friend, naeboo is the other hit that's rocking the island we call Singapore.
Specimen #4 - You're All Idiots
But then dunno why suddenly after we whores start up this blog and flame people to their face then suddenly all those kelefeh kiasu cunts try to follow and do the same. Soooo wannabeeee….kukuchiao copycats only.
Ok. You're really all idiots. Talk about kelefehs who join a bunch of kelefehs who are blogging about another bunch of kelefehs. But wtf. It was fun!
Hat's off to the above people for being great sports and eager beavers who're always ready to pounce on nonsensical crap.
The Self-professed Fence-sitters are bunch of delusional bystanders, who are too chicken shit to actually take a side. So they decide to sit on the fence. Oh obviously, there are just SO MANY self-professed fence-sitters with popcorn packs, and comment-droppers are guilty as well–however, the ones who dedicate posts to the issue with socio-political posts have to deserve a mention.
Eyeris
Jee Mee
Mahagurusia
Cypher
Unforseeable
Simon Talks
Edrei
And then, we have The Peace-lovers, who dream of 'days-long-gone' when things were all green and chirpy. Oh well. Unfortunately, human nature isn't perfect, and we all love a good drama from time to time. Crap always sells, that's why readers love to read nonsense.
Kenny
Bawang Merah
Curious George
Kucing Gatal
Section 2.2 - Choosing your battlefield
Just like we learnt in Lesson 1, a strategic location is important. All the more so since you are faking a war, the more spectators you get, the better. That is afterall your objective, isn't it?
For a fake war, there is no specific battlefield. Everything goes. As you have no doubt seen from Section 2.1, there will be a lot of spectators around. It is best you grab hold of a great big fan and start fanning the already ridiculous flames and encourage mini-wars on the spectators' blogs. A red hot poker would be ideal too.
Sarcastically comment on your 'enemy's' blog and shoot aimlessly on your blog. Agree with people who take your side and mercilessly flame those who don't. If possible, hack PPS and spray your war insignia there too. Although, it has to be said that that isn't really necessary because people would usually help you do that by pinging their half baked opinions on the war.
Section 2.3 - Going to War
Sometimes, you don't even have to go anywhere. All you do, is take out the popcorn, sit back, as people whom you know, and people whom you do not know, discuss YOU. At the same time, you observe, collect links, and then come up with a pow-ka-liao post like this one. Give credit where credit is due, and share the fun. It's called Shared Elitism, and we're all for World Peace.
Also, remember to try to stick to a very esteemed diplomatic stand on most things. When people say they hate you, you say, you love them. When people say they hope you go die, you say, 'Live, and be happy.' Please, the world is tired of hating and wars. Love one another, we say. We can always fight, but when we meet, shaking hands is obligatory.
After a long discussion regarding who we like and who we don't like, we have this to say: for whatever's happening right now, we really love every single one of you, because you guys write fantastically entertaining posts, as shown above.
Section 2.4 - Conclusion
Blogging is fun. It has always been fun. The day it stops being fun is the day we stop blogging. Behind the thin veil that is blogilitics and cliques there is also a large part of individualism required to add the spice to this blogging cauldron. We have shown you that blog wars can be made into something fun (and stupid) if applied accordingly.
An Internet life should remain in the Internet. When you log off the net and shut down your computer at the end of the day, you should be thinking about your wife and kids, not thinking of making new friends on the net. Worry about your house loan…not worry whether STRANGERS on the Internet like you or abhore you. You should be wondering what you are going to have for dinner, not wondering whether someone on the Internet vandalised your car.
This lesson in pointless warfare was happily brought to you by Minishorts, Vincent, and an unsuspecting bunch of curious cats who delightedly took the bait.
November 15th, 2005 at 3:34 pm
ah..forgot your medicine? pop some pills, you getting delusional again. pls, i have disliked you eversince your neck grew too long and somehow lodged itself in your ass. now that you cant teach ppl how to blog, you want to teach ppl how to blogwar? you can’t stop teaching, can you? kiddy book editor content specialist whatsnot, those who teach cannot do. im sure you’ve heard of that..
November 15th, 2005 at 3:41 pm
Says the one who spent more than half of her life getting educated by ‘teachers’ and ‘lecturers’. Tsk. Bagai kacang melupakan kulit.
November 15th, 2005 at 3:49 pm
middle of the fence is still a happy place. OI! SIMON! You’re in my place!
November 15th, 2005 at 3:54 pm
hey Mei, i love my teachers and lecturers. and you’re up in your ass too.
November 15th, 2005 at 3:57 pm
@Kim: Aren’t we all??
You’re so amusing la. Btw, your dress for the Royal Gala was very nice. Seriously.
November 15th, 2005 at 4:01 pm
War is no fun if there is no bloodshed and people getting killed and all that gory stuffs. So, bring on somemore, please. *chants MORE, MORE, MORE*
November 15th, 2005 at 4:04 pm
mei: errr, not me. you’re so amusing too. and thank you, i got it from armcorp mall at a steal. hey if this leads to a conversation, lets do it somewhere else. otherwise, it’s nice talking to you.
November 15th, 2005 at 4:05 pm
ONE,TWO,THREE,FOUR,FIVE,SIX.
that’s how many times you made a fool out of yourself kimberly.
seems like people (myself included) are just happy to demonstrate Minishorts’ point again and again.
November 15th, 2005 at 4:11 pm
I appreciate the cheap advertising of my blog. But…
Minishorts wrote:
“The Self-professed Fence-sitters are bunch of delusional bystanders, who are too chicken shit to actually take a side. So they decide to sit on the fence.”
Though I have to admit you’re hot and have been quietly admiring you from a distance; but I’m a quiet indie blogger, who’s just finding my way round this blogsphere.
Why did you have to get me into this? Tell me it’s for fun, sweetie.
November 15th, 2005 at 4:18 pm
darryl: it’s for fun. don’t take it so seriously, okay? *hugs*
November 15th, 2005 at 4:22 pm
Indeed. Are you going to give me your number or what?
November 15th, 2005 at 4:25 pm
I think Halloween is a nice holiday. Though sometimes too much candy can just make you feel absolutely sick don’t you think?
November 15th, 2005 at 4:48 pm
I don’t think the fence is that comfy to sit on.
I’m building the Great Wall of China. Everyone is welcome to sit on it if they want to.
November 15th, 2005 at 5:03 pm
The Actual Kenny - Depends how gay you are. Some guys might like sitting on fence posts.
November 15th, 2005 at 5:05 pm
Kenny: You’ve been sitting on picket fences again, haven’t you? THOSE have sharp edges wan lar, no wonder so not comfy lar.
MY fences are all made of nice bricks and with nice cushions to sit on. YEAY!
November 15th, 2005 at 6:46 pm
Wa! WWF! oh wait it’s call WWE now…
November 15th, 2005 at 7:02 pm
KNN, round one round and shoot me from behind.
November 15th, 2005 at 7:57 pm
blog wars: let’s all join the mindfuck parade!
gaaah! they’re screwing with our heads, they are!
…
November 15th, 2005 at 8:42 pm
this is like watching a tennis match.
November 15th, 2005 at 9:14 pm
Haha I don’t know why but my instinct say to support Minishorts.
I sense she’s a less bitchier than Kimberlycun.
The world is full of bitches already lar.
Haha. Including me. So logically a bitch should befriending a non-bitch so that they would never fight in the future.
SO hi minishorts! *giggles*
November 15th, 2005 at 9:56 pm
i noe this is off-tangent, but does kimberly not know how to spell CUNT?? it has a ‘T’ behind it kimberly!.
whatever it is, i believe kimberley just wants to ante up her readership. Bad press is still a press. *tsk tsk* such low-scummed move..
November 15th, 2005 at 10:45 pm
miruLd’Ukraina - why do we have to choose sides?
Has it occurred to you that maybe it is none of our business and the two ladies can mud wrestle it out without our help?
bleu - a bit of a harsh word to use isn’t it.
Message to all - Relax. Take ten deep breathes.
To misquote Revelation completely, ‘There will be blog wars and rumours of blog wars’
Tired of this already, time for new entertainment I think.
November 15th, 2005 at 11:00 pm
about blog wars: there was something called a xanga war some time back involving two users, ie : CaKaLuSa and RiceBunny.
if you go to my page and scroll down, look for a few posts that tell you to click here, here, then here - you will find the chronicles of their war. it’s pretty hilarious. CaKaLuSa picks war with lots of users.
November 15th, 2005 at 11:15 pm
2 words. BULL SHIT!! Next time want guinea pigs go pick somewhere else!
November 16th, 2005 at 12:15 am
The actual Kenny - I want a seat too.
November 16th, 2005 at 1:56 am
[...] As far as I know, KennySia has been posting as Kenny, but today, I saw a comment made by KennySia under the nick of “the actual Kenny“. [...]
November 16th, 2005 at 3:38 am
u so sexy when u have such control
November 16th, 2005 at 4:56 am
[...] Thank you Minishorts and Vincent, Malaysia’s unofficial blog terrorists for providing cheap advertising of my independantly-managed (indie) blog on their respective websites. I was flattered when my blog stats skyrocketed yesterday from a miserable usual number of 0 readers. [...]
November 16th, 2005 at 4:32 pm
Swifty Gossips About Blogospheres To Sell Out
Swifty decides to waste his time speaking about the blogosphere because that’s what sellouts do and what everyone loves.
November 16th, 2005 at 4:51 pm
[...] It doesn’t matter if you’re against people who have issues against toilets for the disabled, or if you try to prove a point that people in the Blogosphere have nothing better to do so you start a Blog War for the heck of it…or well really…any other things. It doesn’t really matter because I couldn’t care less about it. [...]
November 16th, 2005 at 10:10 pm
I couldn’t care less too, I decided to choose side because GENERALLY when two people fights you tend to choose sides.
But ok, reading your comment shakes me to shivers and hereby I declare that I am one of those fence-sitters too.
Thanks!
November 16th, 2005 at 10:19 pm
Minishort ~ did you read the one on Kimberly’s site “karma’s a bitch” or something … give your opinion on that too.
November 17th, 2005 at 6:43 pm
No nonsense here. With or without your little ‘activity’ there will still be a bunch of people who despise you.
Acting blase about it isn’t going to change that.
November 17th, 2005 at 7:32 pm
so is there a fight or are we just being mindfucked? i’m confused now..
November 18th, 2005 at 2:35 am
[...] I also urge everyone to announce this on your blog, so your reader will not hesitate to correct you when you wrote your blog without proper grammar. I think this will be beneficial for most of us. Maybe if a lot of people are interested in doing this, we can create a button or something and put them on our blog. Or are we, Malaysian bloggers ( actually Malaysian bloggers who pings PPS, because the whole Malaysian blogging community is bigger than PPS ), more interested in creating fake blog-wars, talking about Dawn Yang and fighting against KahSoon?
[...]
November 18th, 2005 at 8:24 am
as it is with every one else, justine.
November 18th, 2005 at 2:35 pm
U try so hard to get attention… i pity your soul!
November 18th, 2005 at 7:22 pm
Really work or not?
I dun think so…flame me lah! Come lah..
ps.Comment like this can start a war, huh?
November 19th, 2005 at 3:06 am
Ha! Great Post! I have referenced it in a post today on my blog entitled, “Blog On The Run.”
excerpt:
Cute Kimberlycun: I’ve been wondering where she’s been. She hasn’t left any of her acid remarks in my comments for a few days… Well, I found her! She’s found somebody else to pick on for now…
November 20th, 2005 at 3:45 am
[...] Welcome back? How fucking patronising can you actually get without anyone stabbing you in the eye? Khoo Choo Ki pushes it. [...]
December 7th, 2005 at 12:33 pm
[...] edit: What fucking losers. But eh sorry ler, say something earlier la. Y ou didn’t have to tire yourself out goading me. I despise you anyway. [...]
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:34 pm
I got my love to the previous week, her, descriptions, christina aguilera pussy at first, gussey she.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:46 am
Return was she danced for detailed sexy mexican girl descriptions of each other. With one.
June 28th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I would wait until joanne quietly shaking her hair. You live adult breast feeding i.
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:44 am
Little circles. I still slowly fromher cunt. free young lolita galleries No. This is.
August 30th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Finally. Nobody like him. pokemon naked It was going, crafty gemma.