just minishorts.

Hi, this is Viewtru. No, I’m not doing any social commentary today. I’m tired of that shit and nobody listens anyway.

It was while reading this story about how a woman locked her jaw on the robber's penis that I was reminded about the great strength of the jaw muscles.

It’s amazing really. Those of you who have been bitten by four-year old kids will readily testify to the untold damage that a set of out-of-control jaw muscles can do. Do you know why your gym instructor is always on your case to work your triceps and deltoids, but never seem to be even remotely interested in designing a simple fitness program for your jaw muscles? That’s because he knows that they are strong enough already.

Do you realize that if you can transfer a jaw muscle to your you-know-what, then Viagra sales will nosedive? Aha!

Okay, never mind. Let’s get back to the topic.

Creatures like hyenas and wolverines are known to have jaw muscles so strong that they can crush bones. Which is why you should NEVAH try to get a blowjob from a hyena or a wolverine. If you do that, then you’re probably retarded and the world won’t miss you when you’re gone. Heck, don’t even think about it.

Digressing a bit, I once heard my mother said that crabs too, are also son-of-a-bitch relentless in their grips. She warned me that if ever I was dumb enough to get bitten by the claws of a crab, the stupid crab would not let go unless there was thunder in the sky. She was right. A friend of mine got bitten on the finger by a crab once and so I asked him to wait for thunder. But it was a sunny day with no sign of thunder, so finally, I had to break off the damn claw. Can’t remember what happened to the crab after that.

But, back to jaws. The most powerful pair of jaws I have ever met did not belong to a shark, but belonged to a girl who sat in my car while I was driving from Kuala
Terengganu to KL. Can you believe that she could talk non-stop during the whole journey without her jaws getting tired? I had to turn off the radio so that everybody in the car could listen to her. Now, that is powerful. She married a Mat Salleh later. He’s probably experiencing her ‘jaws of death’ every night. I saw him once after the wedding and he looked haggard. Poor fella. Or maybe my sympathies are misplaced.

Coming back to the news story. The woman should have bitten the balls rather than the penis. The balls are so sensitive to pain that the robber would probably have fainted or died if she had done so. Even a simple twist of the balls with the weaker hand would have immobilized him. Sheesh, I can’t even think about it without getting goosebumps.

This is Viewtru, signing off.

There're some problems regarding my hosting, which explains the volatile nature of this blog recently. The site is hard to access, and sometimes, it is difficult for me to log in and post stuff, and it's difficult for guestbloggers and my administrators to do the same too.

It's all very well that it's nearing the end of the year, and I'm supposed to have 'rejuvenated' so to speak. While I have given up on the NaNoWriMo novel because I'm too lazy to finish it I can't concentrate on handling too many lesson topics at the same time while I'm writing a novel, MiniNanos will remain a place for me to write about exploitations into the novel (which I will return too when this project ends), and how work and external factors affect me in the ambition pursuit.

I'm too old to have ambitions really. Yesterday, I walked out of the gym, and a five year old called me 'Auntie, where is the lift,' and I tried not to laugh at myself when I took her to the lift and brought her to her place (goodness, how can you let five year olds wander around a shopping centre alone!)I could choose to say that being dressed in office wear makes me look more mature, but then again, I've already breached 25, and sheesh, I am older, no matter how much I delude myself (and put up the mask). There are different problems I have to face now, questions relating to relationships, family, friends, and the reunions, oh the reunions… and work of course, work and money, they come hand in hand.

I haven't quite been able to look at my situations from all sides of the coin, but whatever. As the mighty Zeus says, time to move on… and yet not give a damn at the same time. The absence was good, it was necessary so that I was able to separate blog from person, blogger from person, reality from surreality. It has always been like that, aloof, separate, and all of these–unimportant. And I have the bloggers to thank, the ones who helped me maintain the site while I tried to discover myself YET again: FA, Elaine, Viewtru, the others, and especially Vincent, who took in the bulk of content managing (regardless of spiteful comments), my wordpress administrator Edrei of course, who helps to ensure the site stays up and running…

I don't see myself coming full circle anytime soon, but I'm willing to attempt to try to give up on goals and focus on living in the present instead. Maybe, like I said, the server problems, hosting issues, and high maintenance fees are telling me something. And it's December soon. I'll be back soon, a little different, but definitely the same.

So maybe tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, you won't be able to see anything new, or you won't be able to surf around, or you won't be able to post comments. Ah. I don't have the time to bother about these things yet. I'll see you in a bit when December falls upon us, and in the meantime, thank you for paying me a visit.

Jolene is back with another crazy post. This one, like most of her others, is yet another insanity covered chocolate eclair–deliciously yummy. For more Jolene, you know where to go. Clickety click click.

Exactly how many of us grew up to fulfill our childhood ambitions? Those impossible dreams seemed so realistic back then. If you wanted to be a princess, you knew you could be a princess. If you wanted to be a Barbie doll, you knew you could be a barbie doll. If you wanted to be a..er.. a bar of chocolate, you knew you could be a bar of chocolate. Oh, you get my drift.

At the age of 6, you don't expect a child to say, "When I grow up, I want to be a financial analyst!"

People put aside these childhood ambitions just to put food on the table. So we take on boring jobs like Research and Development, Sales Executive, Accountant, Microbiologist etc.etc.

I wonder when we stopped dreaming the impossible. Maybe when reality started to take over.

Every little boy wanted to be a fireman or a policeman or even a soldier. But once they grew up, got educated and saw what kind of people actually dominated that line of work, they get turned off and hence you get the stereotype policeman in Malaysia. Ta-dah!

As for me, my first ambition was to become a scientist. A scientist who could invent the coolest machines again and again and again. I was five years old and I suspect that the ambition was drilled in by my father. As I grew older, I learnt the actual title for such a scientist: Mechanical Engineer. But what did I know, I only knew how to tell inquisitive relatives, "I want to be a scientist when I grow up!" and they'd gush about how smart I was at a young age and I'd just sit there beaming up from my baby chair. I knew shit about science and was not particularly interested in science. Just know how to brag only.

Then came my 9th year and I was fascinated by astronomy. I would actually read all the astronomy bits in the encyclopedias at home and could recite how far Pluto is from the Sun. (I've forgotten the distance, don't ask.) I used to love looking up at the stars during the month of December because that's when most of the stars were able to be seen. Especially the Orion belt. I decided that I wanted to be an astronaut! This was before I knew that physics and maths are important for an astronaut. Being an astronaut is probably one of the most impossible dreams that I've had.

During my later primary school years, I wanted to be a prime minister! I wanted to lead the country and I thought that it would be nice if the country gets a woman as a prime minister for a change! I would change so many things about the country. If my deputy was gay, I wouldn't be bothered and would just say, "Up to him lorh." The fun part would be the chance to shout "Merdeka!!" on Merdeka Day in front of the entire country.

I told my Aunty that if I failed to be a prime minister, I would want to be a hair dresser. My biggest dream as a hair dresser would be to create the longest wig with all the hair that I've cut from all my customers. I would spend my evenings sweeping the hair off the floor and weave them together at night. I will make money by selling wigs, I thought.

Sometime in Form 3, I thought being a vet was a good career choice. I was pretty obsessed about the idea and I would doodle little pictures of cats and dogs in my textbooks. The idea evaporated when I sent a pet to the petshop. The stench of dog shit took my dreams away.

At 15 years of age, I found myself indulging in chick lits. In one book, I read about something called an "Entertainment and Media Lawyer". A lawyer of that kind deals with the media and you know, to every young person, the media is cool. The media is ALWAYS cool. *rolls eyes*. I told my father I wanted to be a lawyer. He said, "You sure ar? I scared later you cry."

The er..thing around my neck is supposed to be those napkin ruffles thingie that lawyers wear. Heh.

Then came form5 and I wondered, hmm, which job would be financially rewarding with a 9-5 type of working hours? I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my braces and I thought, "YEs! I shall be an orthodontist. Perfect!" I went to education fairs and enquired about dentistry here and there and everywhere. At that time, only the public universities offered dentistry and I was not planning on going for form6. The only affordable choice was dentistry at National University of Singapore which required straight A's for A-levels. It would be ideal if there was a dental school in Malaysia.

When the results for my A-levels were really bad, I knew that NUS was a no-go for me and as I had enough for IMU, I thought HEY, maybe I can become a doctor instead of a dentist. But I am the typical Malaysian child, fathered and mothered by typical malaysian parents. So you understand lah our mentality. :(. I was not happy with that "ambition". It was only an alternative. I felt like I was sentencing myself to a lifetime of depression and sleepless nights. Now that I look back on it, I realise that the only reason why I held on to that dream for a few more months was so that I did not disappoint my parents. =(

I came to a cross road and wondered if I could connect passion and financial security with my future career. During one of those day dreams when I should have been concentrating on studying for my A-levels Biology, I decided that I shall go into biomed and biotech and then work for cosmetic giants! Woot!! In time to come, I will have my own line of cosmetics and in half a century, you can bet your ass that I'll have a counter next to Stila's in every departmental store. But deep down I knew that the job opportunities for a biomed/biotech graduate in Malaysia are few and it would not be that smooth a path. I still stuck with it because of the 'passion' factor.

One day, my father read about a private university being the first to offer dentistry in Malaysia in the papers. And the rest, as they say, is history.

But at the end of the day, if it weren't for dreams, we would not have the drive to push ourselves and we'd all end up working as a rubbish man. At least that's how my parents used to scare me, "Hah! You don't study lah! Later you become rubbish woman only you know~!"

Yeap, the Great Swifty makes his return to guestblogging here. Unexpected? It certainly was for me! Pretty short notice, got the email just two days before about coming back here for guestblogging duties. And so, my own gwailo guestblogger Justin and I decide to put together another one of our trademark webcomics for this entry.

Special thanks to Miss Yao Defen, tallest woman in the world. She stands at 7′8.5, or 7′6. While Guiness World of Records usually lists Sandy Allen as the tallest (7′7), back problems lower her standing height significantly. Educational, no? Man, Yao Defen might be taller than Yao Ming, and Yao Ming's currently the tallest player in the NBA.

Of course, if you want to go for some… less educational comics, you can always check out my Dawn Yang webcomics.. Those are where the now-iconic 'Dawn Yang sobbing' photo that appeared in Kenny and Suanie's entries is from.

This is April-girl. She is the most glamorous babe on the Malaysian blogosphere you have ever, ever seen.

Photo courtesy of Erna, as seen on Eyeris.

April has awesome skills when it comes to handicraft. The earrings I wore to the PPS bash were made by April. Recently, she made these, the perfect gifts for christmas. RM8 per set only! You can order them from her.

On Monday, April came avisiting. We talked about lots of stuff. Boys, evil boyfriends, ideal boyfriends, and losing weight. OK that one never mind. Then suddenly, April said, 'If you ever come by to tidur at my place wahahahaah can steam your hair'

I thought it's the normal steam you do at home, you know, the type where you slap loads of wax onto your head, wrap the hair up in a shower cap, and sit down and watch TV for one hour or so.

'My mother bought a hair steamer! It's very cheap!'

Eric and I went, '…'

And then again, '…'

And then I went, 'YOU BOUGHT A STEAMER!'

'Yeah, I have a hair steamer at home. '
'The type they have at salons?'
'Yes, the type they have at salons.'
'Not true.'
'True! I will blog about it!'

And sure enough, she blogged about it.

This girl is sugar and spice and everything nice, in the literal sense of the phrase. And hey folks, she is SINGLE! Very, very SINGLE!