How to say no
It was bound to happen anyway, so I wasn't actually surprised when Kenny pinged me, 'So when are you getting married?'
'Whaa?'
I thought it amusing. Suddenly random thoughts can lead to assumptions, but hey, I've only been asking a very common question — you don't even have to be in a serious relationship to ponder the things that I've been pondering. Why should it mean that I was considering marriage?
So today, I've decided to take a different slant altogether, and hey, you can speculate all you want. 
At least, for me, I was listing down some terror-fying ways to get rid of people, and then I recalled that Michael Ooi, who's only 62% evil, came up with The Ultimate Breakup Guide earlier this year and it was a hit.
But put it this way, we're all really nice people at heart; we don't really want to hurt people, I mean, in the first place, before you got together, you tried like hell to actually make him/her belong in your life — but after a while, you find out that he/she isn't exactly the right one for you, or that circumstances just will never work themselves out, no matter how hard you try.
So comes the decision, you both just cannot be together, no matter what, and it's just got to end.
The question is. What do you do? How do you end it 'nicely' so to speak, so that it won't hurt? Well, at least, not so much, anyway.
Because I've done it before, ended it, got it ended, and hell, it both hurt like hell. And I've been wanting to dish out methods to 'sudahkannya'… in a better, more civilized way, at least. But the processes, how do you go about it? I'm not too good at it, and hell there is ONE thing that I'm definitely awful at, that's keeping to my decisions. I've done it before, I've said, 'Enough, get out!' only to call the fella up after a few days saying, 'Let's try again.'
You tell me.
December 1st, 2005 at 9:57 am
You can’t. One way or another, someone is going to hurt. More likely than anything else…if you’re still classified as human, both sides are going to hurt.
There is no universal way of saying it because everyone differs. It’s just how bad the mellowdrama can be. Either way I hate it. Band aid technique would still be much more preferred. At least you can try move along as fast as can try.
December 1st, 2005 at 10:05 am
I know this works, sometimes, maybe, in theory: Avoid all contact and send him a bar of KitKat. No pain, no pain.
December 1st, 2005 at 10:53 am
There’s nothing civilized or not civilized. If you don’t have it anymore, be sure about it, say it to his face, let everyone grieve for sometime and then put everything in history.
Watching Sex & the City helps.
December 1st, 2005 at 11:44 am
For me, the heart hardens after awhile… If its gotta hurt to save yourself from more despair, its gonna hurt and I’ve got to live with the decision.
December 1st, 2005 at 11:48 am
i agree with edrei, either way someone’s bound to get hurt. there is no way of taking away the pain, but there are ways to lessen it,i suppose…
these scenarios are what i’ve observed from my friends:
1. make the other party dump you instead
2. let the relationship fade away through time (esp. for ldr)
3. avoid eye-contact, ie thru e-mail/sms/mms/letter etc (personally i disagree, i think this will result in even more pain…)
4. be honest or lie about it
5. introduce a replacement to the other party, hoping they’ll hit it off…
December 1st, 2005 at 11:51 am
Hmm…I’m a meanie..I haven’t been dumped before and I’m not hoping to be dumped by the current esp!!! But the times when I called for a breakup, they were all puppy loves…ahahaha…and I think the guy was sad but wasn’t that crazily hurt lahhhhh coz it never lasted till a year anyway. And we’re all still close in contact.
December 1st, 2005 at 1:28 pm
why don’t you try… “I got a problem honey, my private is itchy these few days and it has weird rashes on them…. ”
you won’t anything from her ever again after that.. ahhaha
December 1st, 2005 at 3:11 pm
The Other Kenny - only works if they are smart enough to realise what you are talking about, and dumb enough to think you have been sleeping around on them.
Mini - Here is the best way - phone them at home when they aren’t there and leave this message on their answering machine, ‘Hi Baby, it’s Me. Welcome to Dumped Ville, population YOU!’ Then go out and get drunk!
Other ways to make them dump you (as per Jeremy’s advice)
1. ‘You know, since I’ve been drinking my own urine my health really has improved. Hey babe, how about a kiss with a bit of tongue in it?’
2. ‘Your mother was right, your arse really does look like the rear end of an elephant with another elephant stapled to the other side.’
[Only works if they are weight conscious].
3. ‘You know, I can’t wait till we’re married, so you can have all the joy of washing my clothes, cooking, doing the housework, mowing the lawn, driving me everywhere …’
[Add to the list, memorise it and use it...]
4. Get one of your friends to phone you up. Just stand there going ‘Yep! Yep! Yep!’ Then hang up, turn to your BF/GF and go, looks like they found the body of my ex. The police need me to go down town. Don’t worry, I shouldn’t be too long. The other two times my lawyer got me off real easy.’
I could add some more, but I have to do some work.
December 1st, 2005 at 3:29 pm
say something like, your car is ugly, i can’t be seen sitting in it. i’m not ur gf anymore, kthxbai .
December 1st, 2005 at 3:50 pm
tell her to wear that lamb costume u bought for her and ask her to cry like one when having sex…
that would work… i think
December 1st, 2005 at 4:03 pm
Yes, I find that such a beautiful thing in girls; often enough to notice the advantage of giving her a goodbye-fuck.
December 1st, 2005 at 4:17 pm
blah i’m a boring person, “we shouldn’t see each other anymore” works for me.
December 1st, 2005 at 6:57 pm
which is why I always think that being normal friend is better. and then when the time and condition is right, get married. in that way, you don’t have to go through the gf/ bf phase. so marrying a true friend is better than marrying a gf/ bf. you don’t have to pretend/ compromise/ under pressure…etc do so many things to maintain the relationship. true friends are “maintenance free”
today we have maintenance free battery, maintenance free electrical appliances, disposable cameras, disposable contact lenses, …etc so why not have maintenance free partnership, maintenance free love affair,
disposableon-demand spouse?just a thought
December 1st, 2005 at 7:02 pm
Haha, of course there’s the classic of
“It’s not you it’s me”
But obviously, that shouts “Get out of my life, I don’t want you no more”
As Edrei said, there is no best way. It always hurt, I mean, no matter what, that person had occupied a space in your heart right?
I guess the best way is to talk things through and mutually agree on it. I never say things like break up unless I really mean it, perhaps that’s the best way of turning a relationship into and on-off thing.
Then, avoid the person at all cause. At least avoid too much proximity so that the wound can heal.
December 1st, 2005 at 7:29 pm
Hi Baby, I just got a new waterbed. What say we do it like the good ol’ times.
December 1st, 2005 at 7:50 pm
It’s better to get it straight to the point, no need going around 360°. No matter how you explain, the other party will surely be hurt. Unless he/she has prepare for the day to come.
December 1st, 2005 at 11:01 pm
i think it depends on how strong ur feelings towards each other in the relationship. If it’s not that passionate, it’s easier to get off with it. But if it’s like hmm…those cannot-live-without-each-other, it’s harder to let go.
December 6th, 2005 at 12:30 pm
Personally, I think that the best way to reduce the pain to the very least is probably to end it quick. As time goes on, the relationship either turn sour(hatred), or both parties get even mote attached to each other(sticky).
If you have a relatively strong feeling that the relationship will not last, or is bound to end somehow, hit brake and stop right there. A hunch is a hunch, women’s instincts on matters of the heart are more powerful than one can imagine.
Perhaps I sound like some rambling rue, which might be caused by my past experience, but believe me that it does no good to drag. Two months down the road and I thought of such ideas but ignored it. Eventually, everything ended four months later. (Man, I can drag)
Now, two months after the whole thing ended, I sometimes still allow myself to cry to sleep. And it’s not like we did not end it in with agreement from both parties.
Gosh, this is so long, I’m sorry for being so long-winded, but your post simply triggered some chain reaction. Lolx.
Whatever the ending may be, I wish you all the best. *hug*