A killing whisper
I saw a whisper of the past yesterday, somebody which I never used to share ideals with, perhaps because we were such different radical thinkers, although I've convinced myself that I'm more accomodating to change that he is.
In pages long lost you could hear his cries for companionship, the wish that there was someone he could pour his heart into, and leave the fears of a troubled reality behind, and just be.
I wanted, almost wanted, to reach out and tell him why it was like that, the way things were.
I think it's like this: sometimes when you're so conceited in your own 'successes', you misguide yourself into thinking that nothing is ever good enough for you, that you have to have nothing but the best, when in all honesty, you're just NOT good enough to have the best.
Or maybe, your notions of 'the best' isn't really the best, it's just something that you have led yourself into thinking, much like surrounding yourselfs in a circle of people who will worship you, when you're not really deserving of that kind of attention.
I remembered a long ago discussion, a forum which you labelled one before, previously, you said as the facilitator, 'Say it out, we're hear for an open discussion, all ideas will be accepted and mulled upon.'
Oh for sure, we weren't expecting that, or at least, I wasn't expected that at all, but I sure as well didn't expected to be labelled ignorant, nor someone without your ideal visions. All I did was disagree, and then, it wasn't just me. There were a few of us, and all we did, was not agree.
I had a passion once, and this whisper was so lethal, it killed almost all of the passion I had. He made me stare upon coming years with disgust, and helped me decide that that path I initially wanted to take was just not the road to be taken.
So when I saw your laments about why you didn't have anyone to understand your feelings, and your needs to find someone to throw your worries into, I wanted to reach out, but I didn't. And then I thought about it, and I wanted to tell you, 'You need to want to let people reach out to you first, because your strong barriers are stopping people from showing how they could care for you.'
Then I remembered we've said it too many times, but he was just too conceited to listen to us.
December 20th, 2005 at 9:40 am
he’s just a conceited, bloody over-defensive BUFFOON. BAH.
December 20th, 2005 at 9:45 am
eyeris: great minds think alike.
December 20th, 2005 at 2:19 pm
why do I feel like you know alot of this kind of people one?:shock:
December 20th, 2005 at 2:46 pm
Sounds like your encountered Mr Darcy (from Pride and Prejudice).
I can see some of myself in that guy. After all, a lot of people build walls to protect themselves from life’s harsh realities and in the process alienate themselves from the world.
Roger Waters called his ‘The Wall’, I call mine the ‘Teflon Suit’ (because it’s more complex than a simple wall), and other people call theirs other things.
I guess in a way your post also reflects the strange duality to life - you could here his cries for ‘companionship’, yet he wasn’t willing to listen. Are we not all like that in one way or another, we wish for help in a problem, yet at the same time we also wish to solve it ourselves and become resistant to help.
It’s like we are all tired and frustrated and swimming a cast ocean. Someone comes along in a boat answering our pleas for help, yet, because we think we can see land in site, we refuse it wit the notion we can make it on our own, but we don’t want the boat to leave in case we do need it.
And is the person conceited, or is it that they come across that way? After all, Mr Darcy in Pride and Predudice had some arrogance, but a lot of the ‘arrogance’ was also something that Elizabeth Bennet prejudged him by (thus the title of the novel).
Sometimes I find people tend not to listen, as they don’t reveal the entire problem to people, and some suggestions, though good on the surface, don’t actually help them overall, thus making it look like they are ignoring good advice, when in actual fact they are ignoring something which isn’t taking into account something they haven’t told people about.
Then, it is really up to the person to either disclosed the complications which make the offered solution impractical, or for them to remain quiet and look like an arrogant buffoon. That come sback to how much they trust the people offering solutions.
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The ‘best’ thing was an interesting thought too. Have to agree with you on some people ‘just something that you have led yourself into thinking, much like surrounding yourselfs in a circle of people who will worship you,’
A common mistake a lot of managers make too, just chosing ‘Yes Men’ (or women), rather than people who think for themselves, thinking they are getting the best, when all they are getting is people who are willing to make the same mistakes as themself. If they chose people who think for themselves and aren’t afraid to express it, then it will help them avoid more problems … but alas, isn’t it easier to get along with peopel who agree with us all the time!
And fooling ourselves into thinking we are chasing the ‘best’ as well can often be confusing. What os the best for one, is not always the best for someone else. Do I really need a Ferrari if I am planning on having a large family? No way, doesn’t matter how good the car is, it won’t get the kids to school or the shopping home. Right tools for the right job … and that goes for BF/GF too … my best friends GF might be good for him, but might be bad for me, and vice versa. Horses for courses … and you never know, this person might meet the woman of his dreams and be happy, or might spend the rest of his life searching and be miserable. At the end of the day, it’s his choice and he has to live his own life.
Really enjoyed todays post. Food for thought.
December 20th, 2005 at 3:16 pm
Indeed, minishorts. Indeed.
Whilst living in delusions of grandeur is pathetic, the alternative - REALLY facing/seeing your own uglinesss - is oftentimes too wrenching a price to pay.
December 20th, 2005 at 4:59 pm
Reading this post, I keep thinking bout myself n some of ppl i know. It is just so frustrating to know such ppl (those who jz love the sound of their own voice) and cries that nobody care at times. But the fact is, there is someone who cares about them n they couldnt see. Maybe they want everybody to care for them instead. Like the ‘wall’ theory, nothing can break the wall from outside. But inside the wall, it is so vulnerable n if it break, everything go down with it.