just minishorts.

Chinatown in Singapore is a quaint old tourist haven with little antique shops neatly tucked behind the CNY goodie stalls. As tourists, we did as all tourists in Singapore do, visit the antique shops.

And besides the things there were pretty cheap yeah. Four snuff bottles for SD10 bucks? I call that a steal.

Never mind that. No, let's not take a stroll through the rain-splashed puddles of good old 'niu che shui' (a bit bad luck lah me, it had to rain non-stop during my visit)… And I didn't want to show the photos either, or at least, not today.

I just wanted to tell you about this magic mirror that my guide told me was hidden somewhere in one of the antique shops over in Singapore. This is supposed to be a real magic mirror that comes on top of a nice dressing table, in all its Chinese rosewood and mother-of-pearl glory.

Oh no, it's not just any magic mirror like the Snow White one that talks to you like when you ask it stupid questions like, 'Eh tell me lah I'm the most beautiful woman in the world', nothing that feeds stupid narcissism like that. It's the type of magic mirror that can DO THINGS FOR YOU, as in make incredible wishes come true liddat.

My guide told us that it was hidden in one of the shops lah. So Eric and I were intrigued, and he asked, 'Eh, how magic is magic?'

I tell you I felt goosebumps all over my hands as my friend retold us the story… I mean imagine this, you're walking through corridor-after-corridor of old, Chinese stuff from days-long-gone, and you have a friend who's telling you, in hushed tones some more, about some quaint old mirror hidden somewhere that can grant you wishes.

'Very magic lah,' said our friend. 'Story goes that this rich tai-tai brought the mirror back to put in her room, and then you know lah what you do when you get a new mirror yah? The lady couldn't stop admiring her new purchase, and she spent the whole afternoon cleaning up the expensive junk.
Then when finally the mirror was gleaming clean, she smiled and started to do little pirouettes in front of the mirror. She turned here, and there, and then she put her hands around her waist. She made a cute pose and then she said in a sexy voice lah, "Mirror mirror on the wall, why are my boobs so tiny and small?"
See the mirror can't talk. So the woman twirled around again, and then after that she said, "Oh mirror, mirror, on the wall, may my boobs grow like basketballs."
AT THAT INSTANT, I tell you, the mirror worked its magic ok? The woman's breasts grew to 42D sizes. Wahlau, she was damn happy.'

'Serious,' said Eric. I was too dumbstruck to respond, my heart just quivered a bit. Sounded more freaky than amazing to me, then. 'Continue please.'

'So obviously, the husband got home to his new present lah. Wahahaha they had a wonderful frolicking night with the new basketballs, literally, and after several awesome tumbles in bed, the husband rolled over her pinnacles and asked, "Eh lau-po, you went and did surgery also never tell me oh…"
"What surgery? No surgery. You see the mirror I bought with your money? It is magic one you know…"
"Really? What did you do?"
"Aiyoh, I did a Snow White lor. I just walk to the front of the mirror, dance dance a bit, and then I told the mirror that I wanted boobs as big as basketballs. And then see, see, see… now I have basketballs!"
"Wow…"
The next morning, when the wife had gone out to market to show off her new assets, the husbands stared at the magical mirror. He stood there for quite sometime, thinking for a bit, and then finally he decided to ask for his own wish to be granted too.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, please make my dick touch the floor."

All of us were now silent for a bit, because at that very moment, we came to stand in front of an old antique mirror. I didn't even dare to look at my own reflection in it lah… scared mah!

My friend, he turned around and said at last, 'At that instant hoh, his wish came true! A pair of scissors appears out of nowhere and his dick really touched the floor.'

Celaka betul that bummer.

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