Bad fan reaction
It's not that I don't know people know who I am. At least, some people. It's not like I don't promote this site, well, I mention it in passing sometimes, and honestly, why not? I am thrilled when people talk about me, it doesn't matter if it's a bad thing or a good thing, the point is, people listen to you, at least, SOME people do, and that's about enough for me.
But just the other day, something happened which made me sit up for a bit and consider the zits on my face and how I ought to learn how to present myself better. The other day, I was caught stiff in my steps as I was walking from the office to the carpark. Dishevelled, a bag of meat floss in a hand, another holding some CNY cookies, and working tote flung on the side, a stranger beside me then, a sudden pause, a quick remark,
'You're minishorts, aren't you?'
I was taken aback. Unprepared. It had happened before, in more public places, where I had taken care to be ready, to look better, less dishevelled, at least. A place where I can say, 'Yes, hello. Thanks for reading my blog.' A handshake perhaps, and then a smile. Then a short chat. Something classy like that.
Instead, all I did was say, 'Uh,' and bowed my head, in shock. Damn it I am not good with strangers at all.
He continued, 'I read your blog.'
Then I did another, 'Uh.'
And then he said some more, 'Man I can't believe I'm talking to you.'
And another, 'Uh.'
I really have to learn how to compose myself properly when strangers walk up to me and tell me they read me. I definitely, definitely suck at PR.
That was when the reality sunk in: I'm just not that kind of PR-savvy girl, I don't want to pretend to be one at all, and I'm not keen on pretending I don't have imperfections–because I am not perfect. I rant, they're not halfway logical, I'm not in anyway proud of my rants, but they make me steadfast as a person, and then this whole thing is like a system to remind myself of things I should not be doing anymore.
And then if you haven't realized it already, after a few months of struggling to keep up with the pace, the shameful confession is that I can't handle it, not when I have to take it by the horns, because the virtual reality is that I just spout unintelligable words that will mock me as I plod along the paths of my future in that solid reality. But I choose to live with the damning evidence because they are important sticky notes to remind me of the ugly side of myself that I should not nurture.
So the obvious choice was to sit back, take a deep breath, and think about priorities. This path, what path? It is insignificant, nothing important to me. I just keep it to release stress, so why should it be an avenue to inflict more pain?
I made that choice.
You see the results of that choice.
You're witnessing that change, happening before your very own eyes.
My reality, the one I live in, the world I have, the friends who keep me close, the midnight rants, and the mid-afternoon sneak-chats, the opinionated clashes, the family, the cousins, the man I love, the MID (bitter, nevertheless), these are what matter. I didn't want to disappoint you, but it had to happen sooner or later. They matter. more than anything, anyone else in the entire world, because I am REAL to them, more than the personality on this white page that you see, the one that is a mere 1% of the real me. Oh yes I am she and she is me, but I am much, much more than she, did you not realize this?
Minishorts has become someone who I'm proud to be, and not proud to be. I'm happy to be her because she can say the things I can't in reality, she's the bitch I cannot be in reality, she is able to articulate her thoughts better than the person I am in reality, and she doesn't freeze into inaction when strangers make short remarks, unlike the meek mouse I am in reality.
Yet I'm not happy to be her because of the alter egoes I've built up for her, the Hyde within her that occasionally threatens to take over the real me, and the murky blurred line that separates the personality that the friends are accustomized to from the persona that her readers expect her to be.
So yes, it is all personal, as it was before since a long time ago, as it will be for a long time to come. And then some.
January 18th, 2006 at 10:04 am
aren’t that’s what blogging is all about? for you to say something that’s on your mind that you usually won’t utter out verbally.
I think most of the fellow bloggers are like you and me too..
I’ll be shocked and speechless also if a total stranger came up to me and know alot about me..
January 18th, 2006 at 10:13 am
Actually, there are times when Edmund Yeo wants to limit himself from Eliar Swiftfire, or Swifty, because he feels that some things are better kept online.
Remember many months ago when I mentioned that if someone wrote ‘fuck you, Swifty’ in a toilet and I wouldn’t feel angry because he is supposedly an extension of myself, but not myself in its entirety? THIS is what I meant.
Swifty is just the guy in the blog, my existence isn’t entirely defined by him.
Deep.
January 18th, 2006 at 10:15 am
((It’s also the same reason when I don’t like talking about my own blog much in real life))
January 18th, 2006 at 10:22 am
swifty: i get you.
you’d be totally weird in real life, because swifty itself is like…
urm.
ok i can’t find the exact words to describe you.
January 18th, 2006 at 10:27 am
The other kenny: “i think most of the fellow bloggers are like you and me too”
Not quite.
It’s not often you come across a Malaysian blogger who can pick herself up with such dignity and self-awareness after publicly belly-flopping so spectacularly.
The honesty is admirable, and appreciated, Ms. Minishorts.
January 18th, 2006 at 11:38 am
You have opened up a way for our liberalisation…
Someday in the future, you could be viewed as the MLK Jr. of the Malaysian Blogosphere…
But of course, there are also a few other candidates…
One day, all of us might be able to reveal our true selves to the public, and not be afraid of any form or reprecussion that may come along with that because you have paved the way for us…
I thank you for that.
January 18th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
bloggers are human beings - no one’s perfect.
January 18th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
I believe we have our own facets and we portray one diff layer of us in the blog and in real-life another.
so ppl do get taken aback when they assume u r what u r suppose to be in the blog when you’re not lol.
January 18th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Maybe it’s time to step back. Take a look at everything you are as a blogger and as a person and go back into the fray. Somewhere along the lines there is the blogger you were, the blogger you are and the blogger that you will eventually be.
One day all those sides are going to meet and it should be very very interesting indeed.
January 18th, 2006 at 1:15 pm
jeremy c : You’re wrong. I am perfect.
January 18th, 2006 at 3:19 pm
Haha, did you get his/her URL? Most blog readers secretly start their own blogs eventually. The temptation of self-publishing, or the temptation of opposing someone’s opinion on one’s on turf, is too great.
January 18th, 2006 at 3:37 pm
so nice. got people recognise you. the only time I get recognise is when people see the Midvalley logo….
January 18th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
vincent : well, i haven’t met one who is - perhaps one day we’ll meet and I’ll judge for myself…
January 18th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
Schizophrenic.
January 18th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
… interesting
Wondering if the Blogging phenominon will catch on among youths in North America… don’t seem to be the same enthusiasm as Asia. Either way, keep it up… it’s always nice to read about others’ thoughts and opinions.
Stay safe =)
January 18th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
Welcome to the world of Celebrity.
Be glad you’re not a movie star or musician … hundred always after a piece of you.
January 18th, 2006 at 10:48 pm
Some people say that sometimes Minishorts takes over the real you, during those times they can’t bear listening to you.
Perhaps you should be careful, seems like the lines are getting blurred and the 1% is getting reversed.
But yeah, had loads of people recognise me too, just say hi, shake hands, chat or whatever and go home.
January 18th, 2006 at 11:45 pm
“I rant, they’re not halfway logical”
Of course, ur a woman. Unlike men, u have the advantage of not needing to make sense of everything.
but anyway, it’s normal for u to be different from ur blog. kenny’s one heck of a shy fella in real life, and u would never have guessed that from reading his stupid posts.
perhaps the persona in the blog is somebody we hope we would be, or someone we’re afraid to be.
and almighty flutes of pan, jeremy, viewtru is just kidding. u dont have to be serious with him. nike.
January 19th, 2006 at 12:17 am
I’m not popular, not even remotely so, but I can relate to you, in an odd way. Awhile back, when I was at a mamak, a guy supposedly recognized me, and added me in MSN that night ’cause he didn’t dare to say hi to me in real life. (PHEW)
But I was quite taken aback, because I didn’t expect it … Was quite shocked, really. I mean, I was in a really baggy shirt, baggy pants, probably sitting with my legs crossed, and maybe even cursing … with him at the other table … =/
Which is why I decided to stop trying so hard to write for an ‘audience’, heh. So I guess it must be even weirder for famous bloggers like you. But of course, I’m sure that you’ll be able to deal with it …
All of us have different personas. Just don’t lose the real you, I guess. =)
January 19th, 2006 at 1:06 am
well at least they do come to you and ask you face to face…
all i get is just people leaving a mesaage in my blog says “i saw you just now” or ” were u at *this this place* just now?” (no hard feelings, kurt.. ahha)
ahah well.. its better than nothing cos i feel like im a step closer to being minishorts.. hauhauha
January 19th, 2006 at 7:25 am
The youths in North America do actually engage in active blogging, in fact when blogger first started, it had a considerable number of american teens having a blogspot a/c.
But the thing is only few last more than 1-2 years.
January 19th, 2006 at 7:41 am
we’ve alll got a little leprechraun saying all the nasty things we don’t dare to in our head. or here.
January 19th, 2006 at 11:47 am
A bag of meatfloss huh? Could have been worst. A bag of sanitary napkin… ?
January 19th, 2006 at 11:53 am
James: I felt like a housewife rushing home to cook dinner, and then out of nowhere some one comes up to say hello, are you minishorts?
wanted to hide there and then.
January 19th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
Actually, North American kids were blogging ages before, just that some of you may have never heard of a site called LiveJournal.
Anybody remembers the .nu craze?
January 19th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Yup.
I’m sure all meek, mild-mannered mice pour water over strangers in the cinema.
January 19th, 2006 at 6:46 pm
Oh heck, no. Just a few of them do that. The rest of them just flame the former just for kicks.
January 19th, 2006 at 7:07 pm
WHatever you are, being a bitch online or offline, you can always blame it on your PMS right?
January 20th, 2006 at 9:57 am
We remember the .nu craze alright. Yeah…they are ages ahead of us. Where else would 1st gen bloggers come from then?