just minishorts.

No. It hasn't lost my attention that people are noticing this.

'You are waiting for Eric to propose to you, aren't you?'

I did not deliberately ignore the question. Oh come on, of course you know the truth already. The answer to that question, is yes and no. And then the add-on, 'What kind of question is that?'

Crap. Utter. Crap.

I think it's utterly stupid right? I mean anybody in serious relationship would have considered the question of marriage as a sign of commitment before, and there is COMPLETELY nothing wrong in hoping, right? What is so SPECIAL and DISCUSS-ABLE, or GOSSIP-ABLE about the fact that 'Yes minishorts is hoping for Eric to propose to her soon, she keeps on wanting to get married.'

Oh come on, I'd not be in a relationship at all if it were just for fucks. Because God as my witness I am not the kind of girl who gets together with a guy just for fucks!

I mean what you want to do with my answer? Of course I'm waiting for him to propose. Of course I am not waiting for him to propose. Like what good will it possibly do for you, if I told you 'yes'. And if I said 'no', would it make a fucking difference to you?

Come on lah, have some sense can or not? Anyone of you in a relationship? One that actually means something to you, one that you have REALLY commited your everything into. Or to put it romantically, one that you've put your heart into?

Heck even if you're not in a relationship, what fucking good will my response give you? THRILLS? Cheap right? Hear me say yes or no also can go bumpbumpbump. That's what thrills are all about right?

And come on, even if I were waiting for Eric to propose to me, (to which my answer is of course yes, and no of course not), I'm not from the school that concurs with that 'He proposed, I'm finally fulfilled' opinion. Marriage is not the end (cliche alert!), it is but the beginning of other things to come. Is it not so?

So yeah, stop asking. I am waiting. I am not. I guess the fact that I do hope that one day he will propose to me gives you an idea of how seriously I'm treating this relationship. The commitment I am putting to this relationship with Eric is very important to me, as he is very dear to my heart, and I do want to spend a lifetime with this person. But then, to all the men I've dated before, I waited for you to do so in the very same way too, except it was in the past. This hope for commitment is the kind of respect and honour I would give to any serious relationship I am in. You should not ask for more.

You really should not ask anymore.

I missed the latest reunion, I said that already. For several weeks prior to the announcement, I was lamenting the issues that had broken my mind into several pieces, resulting in my disability to do the right thing because I was not too sure of what the right thing was.

Maybe I'm being overtly sensitive, but no one is sinless, right? Why can't I imagine the voices that collide around me, are in fact, talking about me?

Obviously you have no inkling of what I'm talking about so stop assuming.

So it came to this effect, I have to be reunited with the past. I am required to contact and connect, and then hopefully, establish a proper communication channel so that the future can take place smoothly. Sounds so noble, doesn't it?

And then I recalled her comment, the last time we met, was it over a year ago. 'Oh how you're changed, and how you've managed to show these sciences… you know? All he had ever done was to oppress the bounce in you.' Now don't think dirty thoughts.

So I have to walk back to school, right? Create that illusion of towering dignity, when really, I am not so well-enabled. I'm lost, just like everyone else, and sometimes, times like this, I just do not know how to start.

But first help me find that telephone number. I seem to have lost my phone book.