just minishorts.

Or none at all.

At least, that's my skewed perception, and fucking hey (I know disclaimers are pointless, but I think I'd best get it out of the way), you don't have to agree with me. AND BESIDES, where's that lousy old line again, I'm a woman damn it, of course my lines are almost sexist and one-sided. But then what I say might not be the opinion of women worldwide.

It's just that, just that, I was looking around the blogosphere, snooping around that is, and I came across some blogs by men whose posts chronicled intricate, explicit bits of very personal he-she encounters. OH craps, sex of course. In words, spelt out, described with all that 'She chewed on my chest' bits…

And I'm sorry damn it, but I'm utterly not convinced. On the contrary, I feel quite annoyed actually, and instead of feeling 'wow', I go, 'the fuck'. That's what happens when the writing comes across as stilted, forced, and almost-tried-hards.

Sad.

You know Erotica isn't Erotica unless it is appealing, and reading posts like that just brings me back to my holier-than-thou (but of course it is, it is my blog, isn't it?) opinion that men just can't write Erotica, even if they tried hard enough. Or just let me put it in a more politically correct way, okay? Men can't write Erotica that will appeal to a female audience.

You know what I mean by appealing right? Appealing simply means that you wanna go back for more, read more, because reading all these stuff about how he breathes over her face and she feels like she's going to melt down before him and show him what it is like to be truly loved by a woman will actually cause you to feel hot and beg for the air-cond to blow a bit cooler. But na-ah, I don't get that kind of 'OH WOW' kind of feel when I read this dude's scribblings. OK I'd be less punishing, let's just say that so far I haven't read any male writer's sex-scene depiction that's appealing to me. Except John Updike. But see, I haven't met another John Updike. Not yet. I'm still hoping of course.

So anyway I told The Pianist (oh I'll tell about his story another day) about how I felt and in the process, I also showed him the samples that led me to say 'Yuck'. And you know what? The Pianist thought, 'Eh not bad what. I think it's true.'

Of course me being the me who hates it when people have an opinion different from mine, had to go, 'The fuck?'

The Pianist said, 'Looks real enough to me. I don't think he would have been able to write all that if it is not real.'
'Hah.'
'He sounds like a horny bastard though, I mean…'
'Well now that you've put it that way. He does… seem like a horny bastard.'
'Must be lah, only horny bastards are willing to write things like that. Most don't bother. At least we respect our women.'
'Which also proves that all that he writes is not real.'
'How come so?'
'Because he's a horny bastard.'
'And then?'

I don't know if you'll agree with me in this generalization but there is ONE thing I know of women on the whole, we hate bloody horny bastards. Now the question is of course this, if most women hate horny bastards, how many women are left behind to have sex with the horny bastard?

…

So I told the Pianist this, 'No matter how horny you are, you wouldn't want your girl to know that you're actually itching to kiss her there right? Because she'll give you a slap immediately. I mean, if right now I know that you're trying to do something bad to me, you think I'll continue talking to you ah….'

'True also.'
'That's why you cannot present yourself as a horny man. And you won't write things like that this dude wrote. Just in case you come across as a horny bastard.'
'Yeah lah that one I not so stupid one. But you know hoh, most men like to imagine their women are a bit more horny lor…. '
'That one I know. Most men love a girl who is able to write about sex uninhibitedly.'
'So unfair.'

It's gender inequality in the highest. Horny women get great sex. Horny men hardly get any.

Some people wonder about the groups of people I hang out with, and occasionally they would classify me as a Class-A nerd who calls herself elitist because she doesn't seem to fit in anywhere. That's just an excuse she gave herself because she can't find chums online. In other words, a loser and a freak in one. Of course, it's a suit-yourself-situation and I can accept your opinion of me… there's nothing much I can do to change your mind of course, and not that I'm intending to do so. I need to, however, remind myself again that I've been working very hard to separate myself so that I can be as aloof as possible from the persona that is minishorts.net, and so really, all these right-and-mis-conceptions ought to be welcome as they are.

Yet that isn't to say that I do not appreciate the people I've come to know and call my trusted friends over all these years of being active in the blogospheric society. Like Vincent, for instance, someone whom I really met off the Net, and have grown pretty close to in recent months. Of course I'm intrigued by the nut he is, and all these years of reading his blog I've imagined Vince to be swaggeringly handsome, with a husky voice to match, as he has so oftly put it, 'I'm only 21, you know.'

When when I finally met him in real life, my reaction was, 'Are you sure you're only 21?' Because he doesn't look it at all, and well, because when I first met him in the flesh he was almost bald and very fair, I was severely disappointed. Heh.

At least he’s darker now, but really Vince, all those pimples, gah!

So yeah, when you read his blog, it's a pretty amazing fact (that he’s 21) to match to his diction. Not to say that they're error-free and completely sensible, no blog is almost that, not even Jeff's or Mack's, but at least it’s not the average ‘Today I went out and drove over a cat and this is the photo of the cat’ kind of crap you get all over. His blog provokes you intellectually, and Vincent doesn’t have to leech on another person’s rubbish to come up with intellectual observations, he makes up his own crap and others leech on him.

I can tell you though, that when I read Vincent's blog and everytime he keeps saying, 'Hey I'm awesome I'm only 21.' I keep laughing because it's the hilarity of it, because that single line is the one flaw that reminds us again that even with all that perceived maturity, Vincent is, a kid, after all. And just like the rest of us, he makes mistakes, and he's telling you, 'Look, if you think I sound bloody holier than thou, come on there, I'm only 21, who do you expect me to be, Gandhi?'

Even Gandhi had his flaws.

So yesterday I was talking to Vince about the current situation and his new job, and I pointed out to him, of course, that it was insane, and defeated sense, and his response was understandably, 21-year-old-ish, 'Aiyah, don't care lah…. just whack only, for fun mah…' Right then I was reminded of Sunday at church where the pastor gave some examples of incredible intelligence demonstrated by 5 year old kids. To the question, 'What is love?'

This boy said, 'Love is when the girl puts on perfume, the guy puts on cologne, and then they go out and smell each other.'

Another girl said, 'Love is when grandpa bends over to tie grandma's shoe laces.'

An adult wouldn't speak of love with such mature eloquence. Heh. Although I'll bet that we're more likely than not to be adults who would say, ‘Who are you to talk so much when you’re only 21?’, when we meet someone whose opinions, self-appraising no doubt, actually sound sensible in their own way and sometimes credible enough to challenge our own I-ate-more-salt-than-you-breathe-air convictions.

I don't understand why we practise double standards, really. See on one hand, many of us look up to our office superiors and frown, 'Work so long so old already also come up with that kind of shit. These old people, think they own the world,' and yet on the other, we look at school/college-going youngsters and say, 'Haiyah kids these days ah, so not like in my time, in my time we were bla bla bla…'

That's the problem, isn’t it? We're always too quick to judge, too ready to give excuses for other people's shortcomings, too prompt to provide a smack on the other's cheek just so that we would look great. Such a sad situation, but it's occuring, all the time.

We all live our lives in our own ways, make judgements based on our own perceptions, and there's no way to define whether another person is right or wrong. Just because he feels differently from you about certain conditions does not mean he’s stupid or idiotic, you know? Not when that opinion is written in sensible phrases, not insulting personal-attack stances that depreciate to levels of name-callings and rude labellings.

Our definitions of good and bad differ simply because of our upbringing and environment. And take it from me, you have no idea how different Vincent is from most of us. The life he’s led has allowed him many experiences with values which most of us will never have the privilege to encounter. On Saturday, I was at his house with my camera crew and some colleagues to film a documentary about his life. Meeting his mum, and his brother reminded me again that even after 2 years of knowing the dude, there are just so many things I've yet to find out about him. So many things to learn from this kid, who, btw, is not a kid anymore. Past 21-mah.

But Vince is definitely someone I'll trust as a friend for many, many years to come. Online insanity aside.