Things I don’t want for my wedding
Eric and I were invited to his college mate's wedding on Saturday. It was a very traditional affair, there was a proper tai kam che to add to the festivities and all. And my, my, that woman can really talk okay. She was going on and on and on it was grating on my ear drums. I had this tiniest urge in me to go up and stuff her ears mouth with the broccoli branches from the dish. DAMN BLOODY ANNOYING OKAY.
Apparently it is said that a very good tai kam che will be able to talk and sing and do everything else at the same time, and she's got to showcase all her talents so that you know, you get your monies worth. But that woman just can't stop talking, and I wondered where the words in her vocabulary flew out from. Every single line she said was peppered with the traditional Chinese-four syllable phrases, and every wish for prosperity and love and everlasting auspiciousness was crammed into loud and very 'musical' chants. She even SANG! Damn it.
I've a problem with Karaokes with weddings all right? I don't quite mind karaokes that much, I'm very much a karaoke fan myself (yeah so very ahlian, so?), but I've got a problem when you can't bloody sing and you tell the dinner crowd, 'I'm going to sing a song so you please tell me if I can sing very well okay?'
And then after the song, (did she sing well? Think not.) the tai kam che was fishing for compliments. 'Eh clap lah, don't like also must clap, it's like this, you have to tell me I'm singing well otherwise I won't sing one you know.'
And after they clapped, (I was too busy eating), she went on, 'Okay since you loved my song so much I'm going to sing another song, and you are going to love this one.'
GAH.
I told Eric, 'I don't want this at my wedding.'
Eric said, 'I bet most of the girls here are thinking that.'
So anyway, it then dawned upon me that usually the appearance of such vital figures such as the tai kam che are probably prerogatives of parents and elderly relatives who will not accept a 'no' for an answer. Some Chinese who're very rooted in their traditional ways still believe that it is very very very important to have the presence of a tai kam che, so that you won't do the wrong things at an occasion as important as a wedding. 'Whole life thing you know, you think what? Afturds got mistake and next time marriage got problem how? Better do it lah, later regret than you know.'
'I'm still not going to have a tai kam che, and no karaoke at my wedding, okay?' I told Eric, pouting a bit lah.
'Who you're telling lah?'
'You of course.'
'What's the use of telling me lah?'
'Dunno lah you're here mah just tell you lah.'
'IS THAT SO?'
'I THINK SO.'
'Sure you don't have any ulterior motives?'
And just to prove that I'm not thinking about other things, I'm just going to say it here too: my wedding, no tai kam che, no karaoke.
March 13th, 2006 at 2:38 pm
Must have tai kam che ok, who else is going to say all those cantonese poems..
March 13th, 2006 at 3:07 pm
If I may share from my own experience; there is an unwritten rule is that a wedding reception is essentially the parents’ party. The groom and / or bride just foot the bill, and somehow this unwritten rule seems to apply in all cultures.
Been there, done that, not trying again.
March 13th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
tigerjoe: to my knowledge, is the parents’ party because they foot the bill
March 13th, 2006 at 3:18 pm
pfft wedding. no need lah. BEACH PARTY!
March 13th, 2006 at 3:21 pm
Hahaha…nothing says “you wished you eloped” as some obscure uncle or aunt sings some oldie badly at a karaoke on your wedding dinner.
March 13th, 2006 at 3:48 pm
WAHAHHAHA…. eric is damn bad for teasing you like that.
*presses fingers to temples* I see a wedding………….
March 13th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
*lol* Everytime the bf teases to have karaoke during the wedding dinner, my answer will be “Can… AFTER the whole thing”. Usually there are ppl singing off tune or choosing sad songs. Imagine showing the MTV on the screen where the girl dies. *gasp* NO NO NO!
March 13th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
im half kadazan. its a custom in a traditional kadazan wedding to have Gongs played 24-7. i think i would rather have a tai kam che than a band of Gongs in my wedding.
March 13th, 2006 at 6:12 pm
minishorts: amen to that! no tai kam che and karaoke for me too! no siree! a string quartet would suffice, thanks.
March 13th, 2006 at 7:22 pm
I always wonder 1 question…..
who’s wedding is it? The bride & groom or their parents?
Hmmmm….. still haven’t got the answer yet……
March 13th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
Minishorts stormed up to the stage and snatch the microphone away from that cow, “WTF are you mooing?”
March 13th, 2006 at 9:04 pm
I’m with Lainie on this. When (and IF) I get married, it will be on a beach somewhere far away (At least a sea and plane ride apart).
That way, parents can invite whoever they want, but unless you’re important enough to me (Close friends, relatives i actually know and like) that I buy you a plane ticket or face it, you’re not going to come.
The way I figure it, you can either spend $30,000 to buy 300 free loading strangers dinner, or you can lavish a holiday on the people you love.
March 13th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
Don’t marry Eric so soon. You’ll lose your virginity. No more cherry. No more pure minishorts. You’ll become part Eric part Minishorts. (More the Eric part in the mornings)
March 13th, 2006 at 10:15 pm
Tigerjoe & Kimberley - depends. I footed the bill for my wedding because the ‘parent in-laws’ were too poor to contribute (and my family didnt’ attend the wedding, so they didn’t pay anything either).
So, each wedding depends. Trad. normally says the Parent In-Laws pay … and yeah, I agree, the friggin’ parent in-laws ruin everything.
I had to change caterers because the Parent in-laws discovered that I knew the first caterers who were going to do it - cost me one third more.
They made me hire glasses, which cost the same as buying them.
I wasn’t allowed to have the Jaguar cars I’d hired (instead of three nice Jaguars, we ended up having two blue Cressida’s and a white Toyota Carolla … now you tell me, what would have looked better, three jags or the other three cars!)
Yes, it’s the Parent In-laws friggin’ wedding and logic goes out the window.
Which is why my Cousin’s wedding coming up hasn’t had any involvement from anyone, as my soon-to-be-cousin-in-law has basically organised everthing and kept it all secret (except it’s medieval and we all need to wear costumes or else not turn up!) IN fact, it’s one of the first weddings I’m going to where it’s so regimented that people are complaining that they don’t want to go!
Lainie - be careful, with an attitude like that, you’ll get chased by all the single men on this site.
March 13th, 2006 at 11:36 pm
oh gosh i went to a typical chyna wedding on sat too!!!
March 14th, 2006 at 12:02 am
That tai-kam-che initially looked like tai-kam (eunuch), which was a bit disturbing.
March 14th, 2006 at 3:09 am
Wait until you see a male tai kam che.
Imagine Sam Hui’s younger brother with curly long hair, muscular, leather pants and “Young & Dangerous” Ah Beng semi long sleeve shirt and behave like a fag. (No offend to Ang Lee ok)
But one thing for sure, I am in if the Tai Kam Che is Billy Crystal or Arsenio Hall.
Oh ST, that’s not chinese poems it’s more like a ancient chinese rap. With beatsmachine made of chopstick and bowl.
March 17th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
Vice-ice, HEAR HEAR!!! Mine would be in some medieval castle in Scotland, in winter, just so that everyone can “chase away the cold” with lots of whiskey and the kids can go snowboarding, like some extra-luxurious holiday. Fuck the 300 strangers. If the freeloaders wanna come, they can buy their own tickets. “Yes dad, by all means invite uncle so-and-so and your boss’ second cousin twice removed….. Hah? You mean they don’t love me enough to fly all the way to Scotland…. Oh…. I’m so hurt….”
I’ve been to one with both a taikamche AND karaoke. And my table was just next to the loudspeakers(now I know why they’re ‘loud’-speakers). The groom’s mother had just remarried in quiet, and was taking the chance to hijack her son’s wedding for her own selfish glory, practically dominating the proceedings with her horrid red dress and her insistence at singing every other song while we were choking from the first course to her last.