life, love, *motherhood, and then more
Archive for April, 2006
Goodbye and Hello
Apr 21st
How many 'goodbye's' do you say in your life and actually mean it?
…
It's my last day at the office today, as a permanent worker, that is. The boss told me that she hopes I'll come back for another assignment next week. Hmmm… will see, will see.
As far as I'm concerned right now, it's the one week hiatus from everything work-related that's the most appealing to me. And you know what? I'm intending to go on a staple diet of yoga and gym every single day next week (Monday – Friday). Then it's off to Penang with the boyfriend's family for that road trip, and then later, for my friend Feminine Ice's wedding.
So here goes: good riddance to work, even though it's temporary.
I love holidays. ^_^
Oh so embarassing.
Apr 20th
You know it's embarassing to know that the whole world probably now thinks that Malaysians are frogs under coconut shells who go into hiding when the people on television kiss.
TV censure
Malaysia has a Muslim majority, but people of all religions are broadly conservative in their outlook.
Local television channels reflect this by censoring kissing so viewers are left to fill in the gaps when characters about to embrace suddenly appear in different parts of the room looking shocked or emotional for no apparent reason.
From BBC.CO.UK, on the kissing ban issue.
I know I'm posting extra today, I can't help it. Tomorrow's my last day here and honestly, I haven't much to do. But never mind that. That post had me ROTFLMAO. And then I remembered watching How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days on ASTRO the other day, and how I kept cursing WTF WTF everytime the stupid TV bleeped out the word 'Bullshit'.
(There's a crucial scene in the movie staring Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey that involves the characters playing a game of Bullshit! Our stupid censors had to bleep out the word every time it was uttered, taking the sense out of the movie and I had to explain to my mum what was so funny all the time. She was appalled and thought that the censorship board was Bullshit.)
But anyway, back to that article on the BBC. Good writing, eh? Check out this line:
Ms Siow said she was playing the violin while Mr Ooi read her a letter.
I'm sorry but I've got no idea how you can play the violin and listen to a letter being read at the same time. Or maybe I'm a bit deaf and Ms Siow has extra-terrestial skills. Maybe the writer decided to add in the violin sentence to make the whole scenario extra dramatic?
Eh wait. You mean the girl was playing her violin and the guy was reading a letter? In the KLCC Park? Something wrong there eh… sorry someone help me out here. What happened again?
It’s been a while.
Apr 20th
It's been a while since I looked at the album of my past. The snapshots of a memory sealed, things that make me me. I remember the breathless moments, the times I swooned over words scrawled over a concave screen. Those were the times, not too long ago, when I was younger, and more idealistic, less cynical, and more liberal with the abuses.
I thought it was cool.
At every sudden pitstop in life, you pause to catch your breath and suddenly, everything you used to think was cool becomes uncool. Even the word 'cool' is outdated now, we're into l33t stuff and what not, and then, I'm not really like that. I prefer the medium paces we take, the steps you make when you walk not so deliberately yet almost purposefully.
And then you wonder what's up with her these days, what the heck is she talking about?
You wonder, with private blogs do they keep as much as you want them to keep? For those who know and who have been let in the know, would you respect me just as much as I hope you would? The times we've smiled together, and then the times I've let you down, I want to say I'm sorry, but sorry doesn't really matter to you. Sometimes, even after revenge is taken you still feel bad enough to want to kill the innocents. That's how it really is, isn't it?
Maybe you'll strike it lucky like me, one night after a heated week of disappointments, when your spirits are let down and you think you'll take a lifetime climbing up the ladder again, you take a chance-given lot, and walk into a local Indian-Muslim stall, you order a mug of limau-panas, and then you say to the stranger, 'Hello, my name is Claire. I'm an editor.'
And you talk, and you talk. And then you smile.
Somewhere in the clouds, Lady Fate was tying the knots. She knew long before we knew, that a year and a few months later, we'd be arguing and shouting our names, we'd be crying and scratching at each other's necks, yes, always, always we will fight, or at least every once in a full moon (because blue moons don't happen). But after the strangling, there'll be the kisses and soft lip-caresses, the way you say 'Dear', the smile on your lips and the 'thank yous', and I sigh and I thank Him because he's given me a gift. I'm grateful for that, and everything You've taught me to see.
It's quite nice to be dreamy sometimes. I'm just afraid one day I forget how to. At least I can promise I'll try not to forget.
Saying goodbye.
Apr 20th
So personal.
It's going to be the second time I'm saying goodbye. And, well, at least it wasn't like that last time where I left in a distressed mode. The last time I signed off, friends thought I was going to break down and cry! But I didn't, because somehow I knew that ties could not be cut off forever.
It's true like that. To this day I'm still, somehow, connected to that first place. That's not necessarily a bad thing, although well,I could do with a little bit more than what they usually offer, you know?
It's going to be the same, or even better, this time around. I haven't got around to discussing just what future packages will look like, and I'm not going to try all that out just yet. Right now, it's great that I've got what I've been praying for, even though I had to wait three weeks just to get the approval. Then, a week's break, a drive up to Penang with Eric's family (char kuey teow and assam laksa, here I come), and then it's a whole new leaf for me.
It looks promising. I like to be optimistic.
What happens next?
Apr 19th
I copied these words from a few songs, some of them, maybe. They're combined, taken from places. Sometimes I wish it were as easy as buying a plane ticket, and taking off where the wind brings me. I know, from so long ago, that all the things I have to experience are necessary lessons that will push me forward, that every syllable that spills from my mouth are remnants of words I've heard in the past.
Everytime I tell myself that focusing on the present is far more important than thinking about what happened in the past, I remember again, but the past is what makes the now.
And I wonder.
Be still my troubled heart, you'll be fine really. It takes just a little while, a little time, maybe a tear or two, or sometimes a few buckets. Your legs, they'll not hold your weight for a while, so fall if you need to, and feel the bruises on your knees and maybe your elbows. But after a while they'll heal, maybe there'll be scars… but surely you'll heal. And then you'll smile again.
It's the way of the world, eventually you'll forget the pain and focus on the present. Because that's a happier place to be.
