just minishorts.

The great thing about the weekend is I often forget to blog, because I'm too lazy to switch on the computer. Also because my weekends are usually kept busy with me either (1) sleeping in late, (2) at yet another company event, (3) chauffeuring the mother to do her weekend shopping, or, (4) hanging out at the boyfriend's place doing my training rounds as a potential daughter-in-law-candidate.

Fortunately, this week wasn't all about work, well except maybe that dinner where I had to leave home to see Daniel (Lee, of the Malaysian Idol fame) singing in person.

I'm sorry I didn't really follow the MI trail and craze, but why is it that Daniel Lee has SO MANY KIDS in his fanbase?

My colleague and I, being local jakuns when it comes to the M'sian entertainment news scene, were completely confused and shocked to see Mr Lee being swamped by under-12 year olds!

And then I went to the Ikea Sale.

I WANT TO BUY EVERYTHING THERE, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO THROW AWAY MY OLD FURNITURE!

I also went to look for a new phone. Well, a 'potential' new phone. I'm looking at SE's latest walkman phone, but my phone is still working well leh…

Am giving myself two weeks to decide, to buy or not to buy?

Bought myself two tops from FOS which I probably don't need, but just want. And a nice chain, some new earrings and a bulky ring. Which I definitely don't need, but what the heck.

The Malaysian Sale is for mindless spending, and you just HAVE to indulge.

I still need a pair of office slacks and a new pair of sandals, but I KEEP buying THINGS THAT I DON'T NEED!!

I tried aerating my Sea-monkey jar this morning, and after that, all of the monkeys seemed to have disappeared.

OMG I THINK I KILLED THEM ALL!!

*Help*

Apparently, I have some very opinionated readers.

Well, opinions are good. I like opinions. But I prefer opinions to be dished out once, twice the most. Not again, and again, and again. Some of my readers have this tendency to return again and again and to pick fights with anyone in the forum whose train of thoughts are different, alternative. I don't know lah where he went to school, or whether he realized that the issue here is not about winning the fight. Its making your opinion known, and then shutting up because that ONE time should have done the job.

Repeating your treasured POV over, and over, and over again makes you sound like a broken record just waiting to be tossed into the recyclables junkyard.

You see the worst thing about being such a repetitive noisemaker, is this. At first, you make sense, you actually have something that, well, I somewhat concur with (in places). And then in your fervour to achieve what you are here to achieve (remind me again what it is, will you?), you come up with a line as idiotic as 'WOMEN ARE SUCKERS FOR LOVE.'

Awesome. I'll tell you a story, since you came up with that cue.

This is the kind of girl I am, and I think many women are like this.

Yes. I'm sort of a sucker for love. I'm the type of person who would scale the highest mountains and sacrifice a lot of things for love. I see nothing wrong with that. OK, so maybe I'm a bit stupid, but you see, the world doesn't leave me with much of a choice.

Not yet. Not even with all the improvements in place, the world in itself, is still very much dominated by male chauvinism. Now this kind of mentality exists everywhere, and even women are culprits of supporting the patriachal constitution. You see we girls grow up being told that to be successful, and to call ourselves complete, we should be respected, and married with children. Until today women who are single by choice are prosecuted as ugly old spinsters that nobody wants, and no matter how successful these women are, they are still scorned upon as freaks of society.

Somewhere along the years, very recently, some people have thoughtfully added 'have a respectable career' and 'independent' into the prescription of becoming a full woman. But these people have conveniently left the words 'married with children' inside that statement.

Which is all well. I'm fine with it. I live it, it's internalized, and I think that's probably why I'm a sucker for love. So I'll offend the ultra-feminists here, I will find myself complete, when I have finally achieved the following: have a respectable career, independent and married with children, with a happy family of my own.

You see, I believe, that if a man truly loves me, he would do things for me. He'd scale the highest mountains just to bring back the moon, and he'd do anything just to make me happy. Sure we'd fight, sure we'd have disagreements, and maybe, 12 months down the road, when all the ooey gooey cuddly feelings have all faded and given way to commited habitual comfort, he'll be responsible enough to stick around and say he'll take care of me for life.

For that, I believe that he's making a commitment. And because he's making a commitment in that sense, I'll consider the sacrifices I'd have to make just to be with him. Even if it means disobeying my mother in places.

Let's just see the things I've done that my mother didn't like:

You see, it's bloody problematic being a woman you know. First I have to layan my boyfriend, who's not an easy person to handle. He's a bit chauvinistic too, but luckily, he's not an idiot like how some of my readers are. But I love him to bits, and we're hitting 2 years old soon. Oh we still have that cuddly gooey feeling, so I guess we're lucky (they say some people have it forever).

Then, I have to layan my mother, who's another difficult dish to jaga. She's modern and traditional at the same time, and while she's very liberal and leaves my decisions to myself, she can get a little bit fussy when it comes to setting rules. And some of her rules can be draconian. But she's got her own struggles, and I respect her for them. I love her to bits too, but I think you guys of course know it's different from what I feel about Eric.

I'm a sucker for love, and I make my choices drastically okay? How do we put it? OK, I come from what people might call, a 'confused' family. Dad's Christian, Mom's a little here and there, more Taoist most of the time. So what happened was, I got a little confused, but because I live with my mom, I used to help her do the rituals (I still do sometimes, if it's not too … demanding, now if you're an X-tian shut up and stop judging me). And then I met Eric, who's very staunch.

And you know what? I started going to church again.

And I started really reading the bible. And going to cell groups. And attending worship sessions. Listening to Praise music. Praying before meals. Praying before I enter the workplace.

Did I do it because of Eric? Maybe. Did I do it because of God? Definitely. Do I believe, because of Eric? Yeah, probably, he's really good at 'evangelising' maybe. But here's the truth: I chose to return to church and practise my beliefs because Eric came into my life, and showed me what it was like to be a Christian. He guided me into the learnings and teachings of the religion, and allowed me to go on my own learning curve. I wanted to remain confused for a while, but eventually, I fell more rooted than to fall back on a religion. Eric's beliefs.

With my mother's encouragement of course.

And eventually, things went OUR way.

How does Mom feel?

Well, sometimes I think she doesn't feel too good about this. But Eric is heaps better than the previous guys I've gone out with, and she and him get along like two peas in a pod.

Mum says, 'I want the best for you. And that means you to be happy. And I think you're happier being Christian.'

Nowadays, Mum reminds me the importance of attending Sunday Service on a weekly basis. I had a lecture from her last week because I missed service (I overslept), and she went, 'Eh cannot lah like that, want to believe must believe in it the right way.'

I made a sacrifice, she made her sacrifice, Eric's made his sacrifices too. What, you think he didn't have his own struggles? Ideally, his family wants him to go out with a girl who grew up in Sunday school and was surrounded by X-tians. Not really the type who knows a lot of things about taoism and what it's like to see mediums.

We all made our own sacrifices. Eric for me, me for him and myself, my mom for me. It is love lah, for God's sake. What is love without sacrifice? Love means selflessness, means you give up a dear part of YOURSELF for another person, or maybe God.

So some people don't really love God as much as they should, but hello, since when did God put it upon our shoulders to crucify other people for their sins?

Who are you to judge anyway?

Now idiots, and bigots and religiously insensitive idiots, I BEG YOU, PLEASE THINK, before you spew more nonsense.

You make up your own views of why I'm writing this.

We had a conversation over teh tarik and canai last night. A friend, whose sister had fallen in love with a Muslim man and had decided to agree to marry him. The family, a staunchly Christian household, was trying to come to terms with what the youngest daughter's decision meant.

'My dad is more than upset. He behaves as if he has brought her up wrongly.'

'But they're still speaking to each other,' I asked.

'Yes of course, we respect her decision. In a marriage, it's not the beginning that counts, it's the process, and the end. Actually, let's hope there's no end to this marriage,' said our friend, the brother. 'I just want my sister to be happy, you know? I mean, maybe she wouldn't be as happy as she is now if she chose a Christian instead.'

There were about five of us, all of different races, well, except we were in a non-halal restaurant, so go figure. Maybe it was easier to talk about 'issues' like this in such a place. Seriously, the topic was really nothing sensitive, or at least, that's what I feel. I mean, marriages that bind people of different races or faith, always tend to be a little bit troublesome.

Ah Chong (not his real name, of course, a self-professed free-thinker who goes to the local medium occasionally, said, 'You all Christians leave it up to God. If me, I might go to a medium and see what the sifu can do. You know? Burn some paper, do a little charm. Dong chiang dong chiang, you know? Maybe things will be okay.'

'And then?' the brother questioned. 'Not okay how? Burn down the sifu's house izzit? This kind of things, up to God lah. God has greater plans, I cannot understand why He allows these things to happen, but I'm sure there's a reason for all of this.'

Muthu, a Hindu, replied, 'Like the Muslims would say, Insya-Allah.'

'We're not Muslims, do you think it's wrong for us to utilize their words?'

'Well then, 'God willing,' lor… Does it matter?' I said. 'Aiyah, it's your sister's choice, not like it's a BAD thing, why do we make as if a choice to believe is a bad thing?

Muthu chipped in, 'Yeah lah. If she wants, let her lah. I mean, everyone's fighting because of differences in opinion. Like this marriage, I think it's your sister, I know you guys care for her, but maybe she prefers to make her own decisions? Looks like she's decided anyway.'

The brother said, 'I know lah. We just want the best for her.'

That's the same argument everyone stands by, I think. I want the best for you. Sometimes, I feel like saying, 'Bullshit lah, the best for me. You just want me to follow and play by your rules. So that you'd feel good. If you want the best for me you wouldn't be arguing so much with me. You would let me try things out on my own, make my own decisions, and walk on my own learning curve.'

Someone please correct me if you find this post a little sensitive.

Deviations. On a more cheerful note, I bought myself a Sea-Monkey's kit. Have just purified the water, and am waiting for 24 hours to pass. April, kalau tak sampai 24 jam boleh tak proceed with the instant live eggs step?

I'm back from work, to work. It has been a very tiring week. It has been work work work work work (even on Sunday).

Howsy, sorry I keyed in your internet name wrongly. Don't lah so angry? It wasn't meant to be an attack on your character, it's the Net, ideas are abound, and what's wrong with someone who thinks differently from you? The fun part is in the discussion. And to the rest of you who felt slighted by my post, I have to apologize for hurting your feelings. I really didn't think I was being that provocative, okay?

To me, I wanted people to know that I felt it was rather unfair that so many people take it upon themselves to 'report' the issues 'as they are'. It was pretty obvious that these reporters included anger into their presentations and expect people to believe that it's a case of spreading the news. While so many people have said that they leave it to the masses to decide, they actually injected their own brand of angry opinions without any constructivism into their news presentation. When I read the issues there wasn't really any reporting lah, no opinions presented, just a series of bash bash bash…, and me, being one of the masses, surely I was allowed my own set of opinions, right? This was something that you'd left for me to decide, and I decided. And then you get angry over my decision, so odd.

The strange thing is so many people in this world get riled up because they cannot get everyone to agree with them. Or sometimes, even when they get supporters, they cannot get the supporters to behave in the way they want them to behave.

I'm making this clear again (since some people misread my intentions). I am thankful that the blogosphere took it upon itself to be the medium that initiated a realization of important issues. It's great to see people like xypre, howsy, ylchong, ilovemalaysia, fat4 around, and the commentors, the ones like sexyman who are always there to provide alternative information, and sometimes, opinions. One thing though, can you guys please also try to understand that for every opinion you cast, there will always be another person who will not agree with you. That's the way the world works. Your logic may not be my logic, but doesn't mean we have to go head to head and point guns at each other right?

All said and done, keep on blogging, I really like your blogs because you guys are different, well, even Fat4 who seems to have this something against me (which till this day, leaves me puzzled and amused). Now since we're on this Fat4character (I have to refer to him as a character, he's not put a face nor identity to his online persona), I'd like to address him here. Uncle, if you say I'm so arrogant, you say it to my face the next time we meet, if we do meet. I warn you first, I take about 2 days to warm up to strangers, I'm terrible at socializing, and usually am a terrible recluse. If you have a problem with me, can you please write to me directly instead of writing funny commentaries on me, you make me sound like a-over-rated politician, and that kind of coverage is over-flattering for someone like me. I'm just a human being, and it seems that my popularity (or notoriety, have it your way), is only enhanced by your constant picking on me. Which works okay, but if you want people to stop reading me and stop referring to me as a blog-celebrity, may I suggest you stop obsessing over my character?

Because I'm getting sick of the attention myself. And you're not helping the both of us here. Okay?

I wanted actually, to talk about religious freedom, in reference to today's outline by the PM that discussions on Article 11 should be stopped.

I do have an opinion on this, since I am a supporter of open discussions on religious freedom (pretty freaking obvious, considering the frequency in which I bring this topic to light online). As much as I am saddened by the gag-order, I suppose that sometimes, when the majority is not prepared and not mature enough to handle the truth, it is best to wait until maturity kicks in. Well, maturity, of course, will not kick in just like that, it comes with a lot of other things as well, education, upbringing, environment etc. In this case, obviously everything is related, race and religion, ethnicity and cultures, all these things are interlinked, we'd be far too ignorant to say that we can divide them as singular issues and tackle them one by one.

There you have the scuffle in UPM, and then you have 400-500 people turning up to protest against discussions about religious freedom in the country, you have labels being thrown around online, and you have people getting berated over issues that might not have been sensitive at all in the first place. I mean, I don't know about you, I suppose I'm fortunate enough to have it internalized inside me that everyone has his right to believe in something, but then again, there are Christians that I've met who go around telling our non-Christian friends that, 'Oh if you still want to believe in that thing, it is up to you. When you die and you go to hell, it's far too late to regret.'

And these are educated, thinking Christians, you know, but they can say something like that. I actually salute the non-Christian for listening to a line like that, this takes immense tolerance obviously. But, what to do? Man is built that way, we cannot seem to accept that everyone thinks differently from each other.

I don't know when we're going to finally mature and realize that it takes one action to provoke a reaction, in fact I think that's never ever going to happen. But since I'm so saddened that we cannot go ahead with the forums to discuss the topic, I just have to akur because the gag-order does make sense, for the better good. I suppose my realization is this: if the public cannot handle the truth (or at least, our version of the truth), what's the point of saying it and provoking the wrong parties? Afturds kena bomb then we know. Not to say that the protesters can be violent lah, but you see, when emotions are stirred up, ANYTHING can happen.

So I'm a scaredy cat. I'd rather shut my mouth and pretend everything is a-okay. My life is okay what, right now. I'll live with it, this is my choice, don't you dare come and prosecute me for making this choice.

Carina messaged me a little after office hours just yesterday, with a short alert.

'Claire, did you see the UPM scuffle video?'

I had not as I had been tied up with meeting after meeting and had only just got the time to do the usual mail-checking and etc, so she showed it to me. And I agreed with her description, 'It's very disturbing.'

Indeed, the video is so disturbing that several people had chosen to sensationalize the video, make it big, plaster it all over, question, 'What kind of university churns out students like this?'

For people like Carina and I, it's a little more than disturbing. Because both Carina and I went to Universiti Putra Malaysia.

Bad hats exist in every nook and corner of society, every community, every niche. In a university that boasts over 20 000 students, there will always be the bad students. But so will there be good students. There are students who excel in everything they do, they get brilliant grades in their papers, they represent the country in competitions, they contribute to the school in several avenues available, including the societies and occasional university functions that UPM is always very active in organizing. These are the good ones, but we don't really see the stories of that ex-UPM who won the Chevening scholarship to do his Post Graduate studies being circulated like wild fire around the Net, do we? Remember that Star Interview with TNB former CEO Ani Arope that was hotly circulated around the Net? How come nobody wanted to publicize the fact that Tan Sri Ani Arope is a proud graduate of Universiti Putra Malaysia, and still contributes to the development of this university via its Pusat Alumni UPM?

Instead every year we have to deal with newspaper articles questioning the credibility and qualifications of students who graduate from UPM. The numbers are telling, because many UPMers are unemployable graduates, and several employers openly question the quality of education that is available from local universities like UPM. These are but one of the bigger challenges that needs to be addressed by the university's administrators.

Now UPM has another bigger challenge to tackle. Hot on the heels of that controversial Ethnic Relations text, we have the circulation of a mob-video, apparently filmed in the grounds of Kolej 12, UPM (I recognized the cafeteria area, I used to stay there in my first semester). To add salt to the wound, we have someone who proudly holds the placard of 'Responsible Citizen, Sensointrovert', among many others, jumping up and down and posting updates after another, cut-outs after another of that unfortunate video. Not only that, our friend here is spreading his wings wide, hotlinking the exclusives that OTHER responsible citizens have chosen to redisplay, that repeat screening of something that is not meant to be sensationalized the way these people have chosen to. He is provoking people to speak and to speak up in the way he has spoken up.

This, I can accept. What I cannot accept is the way these bloggers, Sensointrovert in particular, has decided to instigate those of us who choose to be silent and continue to blog about personal issues, deemed insignificant and non-contributing to the 'country's better good'. They question the absence of the story in the mainstream papers, accusing the media of masking he things that matter. That the so-called huge-presses have opted to keep their mouths shut, and 'pretend' that all things are fine and dandy in bolehland, that the general public does not need to know about it.

They question our choices merely because they want to believe that responsible citizens should be molded in this cast. THEIR CAST.

Well, I'm sorry I didn't blog about it then because I have been rather busy with my work, and it took sometime before I was aware of the video. Perhaps, it is a fortunate thing that I don't trust the blogosphere as a reliable source of information, no thanks to the many irresponsible posting that is so widecast in this sphere.

What are you doing, my friend? In your quest to show the world just how awesome the students in UPM might turn out to be, you're also flushing down the drain, the list of good things that UPM has proven to produce. The brilliant, responsible students who choose not to exhibit their successes because they believe in humility, and they trust in patience and tolerance. SO MANY students go to Universiti Malaya, Universiti Putra Malaysia, Universiti Sains Malaysia and other local government-funded universities. So many of them have built their careers since graduating from university and these are not people to be frown upon, to have their diplomas and degrees mocked at. These are successful corporate figures, doctors, scientists, all having had their first taste of varsity life in what is now being widely instigated as a mob-producing university. No thanks to the blogosphere.

You know, you guys are no better yourself. Yes, the bunch of people bullying the sitting students in that video are a disgrace to UPM. They were jumping up and down, and singing hooligan chants that did more than disturb both Carina and me, and the scores of other UPM graduates and ex-graduates.

And yet at the same time, when I see the repeated pings to PPS questioning the integrity of this university by continuing to circulate that video, I am further saddened. This is almost like a mob, and who are you hurting? You're not really standing up to the bunch of hooligans who bullied the students. Instead you're damaging the reputation of an institution of higher learning that has been around for ages, that had produced batch after batch of successful graduates who still look back upon our years in this university with pride and reminiscence.

Local graduates leave our convocation ceremonies with more than a bated breath. From the moment we decided to pick up our degrees from a local university, we have to live with the widely accepted stigma that 'we will not be as good as our foreign university counterparts'. This is the kind of label that society has given unto us. We walk into university, highly doubting the credibility of our lecturers. We take exam papers that may seem like peanuts compared to what private universities and international world-reknown institutions require of their students. Yes, some of the courses in university may be questionable. Our education system has a lot of improving to do, and books like that Ethnic Relations text should have undergone more stringent editing.

Yes, I feel that that book was not necessary and uncalled for, but this is because I personally believe that societal integration starts from ourselves, not pseudo academic texts that places down articificial knowledge in a printed, bound copy. And that the rot started somewhere else, not with the government, nor did it start with the system.

It was human beings that built the system, and that rot stems within the human nature. You can have the best system in the world, tightened with the best screws and knots of a fair judicial system, but the underlying currents will always be there as long as we continue to fight each other because of our differences. The idea of peace is to keep the currents underneath, not to stir the murky waters and provoke an earthquake of tsunamic proportions, because there is no such thing as perfect filtration in this world. The fact is the muck will always exist, but it is in our duties as responsible citizens to keep the peace.

So here, I'd like fellow UPM-ers to speak up. Stand together against this other mob, this online mob that wants to tell the world that our alma mater is a lousy university, that the students who come out from that university learn nothing but bullying tactics. Give a voice to the students who are still pursuing their dreams in this university, share with them your confidence in the system (however weak), that it can still contribute to their education. Show them the importance of going beyond the books, of participating actively, of demonstrating integrity. If you want to talk about its shortcomings, go ahead, but be fair, tell the world about the good things, go beyond the idiotic curfews, and the silly courses that we had to do in school. Discuss the people you met in university, the ones who made a difference.

I'll start: UPM is the place where the dean of my faculty was kind enough to personally ensure that my application for a course transfer was approved in the shortest time possible. It is the place where I first joined AIESEC and met students from other universities like UM, UKM, USM, UUM and UTM. It has widened my social circles, introducing me to students who have inspired me in many ways, and who have carved their own names in the work that they have chosen to undertake.

I have had a mixed-bunch of lecturers during my time at university, not all good, but even the lesser qualified have had their impact in my pursuit of higher learning. UPM is the place where I first learnt how to write a good thesis, how to go out and market a product, how to conduct myself well in a job interview, how to write well, and how to keep learning as a priority focus throughout my life. It is the place that gave the friends who patiently helped me complete that stupid jigsaw puzzle for me to win back my boyfriend's heart. It is the place that has given me the friends that I hold most dearly to. And for all its shortcomings, I am very proud to be an alumni of UPM.

And to those of you who choose to delude yourselves in thinking that you pressured me into posting this, think again. I choose to post this because I say you are no better than that mob who bullied the silent protesters sitting at their tables giving out handouts. What you are saying here is not display of responsibility. Responsibility goes far deeper than sensationalizing issues that should not be sensationalized, it goes further than jumping on the bandwagon in order to get more hits, get the word around. Responsibility sometimes means that recognizing that undercurrents will always exist, will never be dispelled. It means you have to do what it takes to keep the underground water calm and prevent the event of a catastrophic volcanic eruption. And I will do whatever it takes to maintain that calm.

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