Face off.
Check! Dabido has written an awesome post about discrimination by looks, in his blog. MUST READ.
A young friend of mine, who happens to believe that she doesn't look physically awesome, no thanks to the unkind comments from many quarters, has had her confidence brutally assaulted, by a total stranger, who thought it was funny and brilliant to be 'honest' about making sniding remarks towards her physical looks.
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THE SERIOUSNESS OF THIS MATTER.
It takes one woman to understand the struggles of another woman. This battle to live in this shallow, shallow world, is an everyday struggle. One way or the other, there will be the remarks, and so many of these are from the men, (that's why we always say men are jerks, because they're not very kind in making comments). I believe you've heard them all before, you might even be guilty of some of these.
'That girl's face is really nice, but she's a little bit too short lah.'
'So nice features, but why the complexion so bad one.'
'Fuiyoh you hear her voice… so cun right? You see her face you can die.'
'HER BOOBs. OMG HER BOOBs.'
'That woman, so ugly also dare to camwhore. OMG.'
'Eyes not very nice lah. Nose too big.'
Et cetera, et cetera.
I think it's bad that a man is capable of all these, but its worse when the person who utters these rubbishy comments is a woman. Because the fact is this, as women we all share the same struggle, that silly battle to 'look good' by this world's standards, and we don't need another person from the same camp to jump in and point fingers about how ugly we look.
That's why I consider beauty pageants as demeaning towards women. The whole process of putting a bunch of women on stage to compare their beauty is nothing less than awful. It's an ongoing process of planting perceptions into people's mindsets, and it is also a process of creating unwarranted peer pressure for something as trivial as 'looking good'. Primitive is hardly a good word to describe a competition among woman to choose 'the fairest of them all'.
And fairy-tales. Oh yeah, we're all nurtured from young. In stories we tell our children that the good person is the one who is the fairest in the land, the evil person is the ugly woman who looks like witch. These are tales we feed to the younger generation EVERY SINGLE DAY, and when the child grows up finally to face the world, can you imagine the pressures he/she has now got to face?
Relationships have been destroyed because of this stupid penchant for good-looking things. Money is spent on silly procedures that will keep one good looking. People have even resorted to putting their life at risk, just in order to look good. Cutting off a section of one's nose, in order to heighten the nose bridge, so that you'll have a better side profile.
All because some pathetic shithead had the NERVE to walk up to that person, and destroy that poor person's self-esteem. 'You're okay lah. But if your nose were a little higher, you would look better.'
The truth is, if you haven't already noticed it, I actually have a pretty low self-esteem about myself. I suppose, you could call me 'pretty confident', because I try my best at carrying life off every day, and it seems to work well so far, with a little help from the Big Guy up there, but otherwise, every single day is a struggle to cope with trying to ignore the whispers.
And it happens all the time.
You see, our world is a cruel and shallow one. This is the world that makes it a necessity for me to look into the mirror at least twice a day, just in order to check that I look presentable and nice, to match the responsibilities I have to carry. Every single day, before going to work, I see my face in the mirror, and I think, 'Why can't it be I have less pimples, better complexion, lighter eyebags, lesser wrinkles, narrower hips… these are real problems and I have to deal with them every day. I can't really use much cosmetics to do the covering up, because they cause MORE skin problems, and then at work, I worry about whether I'm sitting right, or the clothes matches today's mood… etc. These worries are so trivial, almost bimbotic, you may say, but this is the world I live in — this very same world that you too have to endure.
Some kind people have told me that I'm blessed with good features, that I look good. Of course this is all very flattering and nice to listen to and I really appreciate them… but the fact is, I can't be pleasing to everyone. And some people, I don't know, they just live to hate I suppose, they go about trying to make themselves feel better and look better, by making other people feel bad, so there are people who just find the brand of look I sport, simple intolerable. And I know they gossip about it. My looks, I dunno, the bunny teeth and the messy hair perhaps, can actually become a topic of jest and laughter in a random conversation.
Most of the time I'm fortunate enough to not hear the things that will bruise my ego, but with this blog, I get 'em trolls, some anonymous, some I've met personally from a long time ago. And they make cute-sounding comments (here in this blog, some in other blogs) about, of all things, how my features resemble chipmunks or hamsters, or how I have thunder thighs, and how my forehead is pockmarked. Do you not think I already know I have these problems? Some take it a step further and try to bash it in by attacking my family, and the people I love, 'You boyfriend has a small dick, he's not getting any, it runs in your family. You've got a stupid family.'
And here's the thing that will probably please these people who're hell-bent on making their point known to me and the world — sometimes, well, make it most of the time, you succeed in your attacks, and even though I choose to not address you, you make me bleed. You hurt my feelings, you make me feel awful. You make me cry sometimes, and I hate it, because no one enjoys being told they are ugly.
Now does that make you happy? That you have that power to ruin people's feelings? Well good for you, CONGRATULATIONS.
Seriously, it's not about emerging stronger despite the brutal comments. I can live with the shit. I don't think I have much of a choice anyway, so I'll just live through it. I think more importantly, the ultimate disappointment is this: that there are people in this world who need to make other people unhappy, just so that they can feel good about themselves.
And that, is a terribly pathetic state of human nature.
July 14th, 2006 at 12:28 pm
Kinda the reason I try not to play into all these. Human nature, while having the ability to be kind and altruistic has the power to be utterly and completely horrible, driven by the selfish narcissistic need to feel better about themselves by belittling others to feel less insecure.
Truth is, things like that define a person for being pretty or ugly. We are what we portray ourselves to be. She just showed the whole world how ugly she really is as a person.
July 14th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
Such a tragic post.
I guess most blog related comments could be avoided if people didn’t blog.
July 14th, 2006 at 2:42 pm
Hence why it is said that a woman’s biggest enemy is not man but another woman.
July 14th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
i believe that beauty magazines, beauty pageants promote low self esteem. i just wonder if guys feel the same about themselves?
July 14th, 2006 at 3:53 pm
I beg to differ. Forgive me Minishorts, but I must take Skyler’s side this time…
July 14th, 2006 at 4:38 pm
Men of course get low self esteem
But we know that money conquers all…
So don’t really have to worry about looks.
But it’s really a bit funny, one blogger saying she’s not as ugly as another blogger.
Suddenly everybody has become so sensitive when there should be other bigger things to worry about instead of what some random thinks about.
I have to say though, if Skylar wanted to get down and personal, she should have just used Jolene’s name.
But really, it’s the internet, take what people say with a pinch of salt. Doesn’t really matter whether i’m uglier or you’re uglier. As long as we’re not living off our looks, can be said we’re not all that great looking.
As for poor minishorts, getting hurt with comments. I guess that happens when you have a blog. But then, you password protect certain posts, and go off tangent at times so nobody really knows you, or something like that…. so it can’t be all that bad or you would have given up blogging a lont time ago.
July 14th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
Great post, I agree with your sentiments..though beauty pageants these days still are pretty shallow, but the judges are looking to pick a more professionally qualified person to represent our country. that’s why nowadays we all hear comments on the current miss malaysia’s looks… “omg theyre getting uglier n uglier, etc” i’m sure u’ve heard a thing or two of that sort. it’s because the winners are now degree holders in comp. sci or engineering…it’s not just about the face anymore.. i see the super gorgeous girls crying their eyes out because people told them that they would win, and they didn’t because they couldn’t speak perfect english or had any high qualifications…so actually..the general public still has that notion that it’s all about looks, though the judges and pageant organizers have the right criteria and priorities…
And it’s so Malaysian to pick on negativity without looking at themselves first. haiyoh.
July 14th, 2006 at 6:24 pm
Women are picky about men’s pocket depth.
Men are picky about women’s looks.
Fair and square.
Life’s a bitch, but that’s just the way it is.
July 14th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
sexyman sure is worldy and wise. hahahahaha
July 14th, 2006 at 9:13 pm
not *entirely* related…but. actually, it’s not really an entirely woman thing is it? i rather like the article by shanon shah “My body, my pasal”. Reckon quite a few people will find self-esteem issues bit of a touchy subject.
It’s in the sun2surf website. Hah. decided not to put a link here because I know what you think of link pimpage. Anyhow.
July 14th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
When I was a kid, I was constantly teased for my fishlips and my oversized head, for being a fatty etc etc. People have always been assholes ever since they were kids, I guess. Guestblogger Justin had once remarked that my motivation hailed mostly from negativity and competition, I guess it might have to do with the hatred I have developed for such people. Since I can’t harm them physically, and since killing a person is against the law, all I can do is tell myself to ignore those bastards, and make sure I will achieve much more than they ever have.
Oh, have I ever mentioned that I started writing at the age of 13 because a girl I once knew from primary school made a snide comment that ‘a class clown like me is unlikely to like reading and writing’?
On the other hand, I am rather indifferent towards flames and internet insults (or rather, they actually amuse me). If I can be fazed by the words of people I’ve never met in real life, then there will be too much in life for me to worry about.
July 14th, 2006 at 9:49 pm
‘Dabido has written an awesome post about discrimination by looks,’
Actually, what I wrote was all true, it really happened to me. It’s only when you mention it that I realise it was discrimination. I just thought it was how people acted!
Just kidding! Hee hee!
Thanks very much for the link to my blog. It’s much appreciated!
Back to Notra Dame Cathedral for me! I have some bells to ring … with my face!
July 14th, 2006 at 10:46 pm
This is stupid. It is well known that in the Malaysian Blogosphere, only Vincent Lau is authorised to start blog wars!
July 14th, 2006 at 10:53 pm
vincent you doink. this isn’t even a blog war.
July 14th, 2006 at 11:06 pm
say whatever u want. and act pitiful.
u r still a fat whore.
July 14th, 2006 at 11:06 pm
say whatever u want. and act pitiful.
u r still a fat chimpmunk-looking bitch.
July 14th, 2006 at 11:07 pm
If you did a magazine shoot or VCD, then you can prove to everyone that on the inside you look very much better than with your clothes on.
July 15th, 2006 at 11:40 am
Assuming joe latte is Malaysian, I find the Reader’s Digest verdict absolutely correct.
If I’ve ever terkasar bahasa to anyone in the world, I’m sorry. Now please come to bed.
July 15th, 2006 at 1:15 pm
Speaking of self esteem, I was labelled ‘damn ugly’ by one of my peers when I was 12. It didn’t feel good.
Joe Latte: You shame us man. Really
July 15th, 2006 at 6:14 pm
u are feeling that with the assumption that i am from ur herd. so dont be.
July 15th, 2006 at 7:12 pm
Dr. Tan,
At the age of 13, my classmates flocked away from me… one girl went so far as to say I should go around with a mask on to cover how hideous I was… so I understand clearly what you went through. People grow, people change. I admit I’ve changed my body image heaps from when I was 13… but these changes were never meant for anyone else… they helped me boost my self-esteem.
I am not the 13 year old loner I am today. I took the critisizms constructively, and not by yelling insults back at my accusers…
July 15th, 2006 at 8:32 pm
If u wanna lecture, pls go and give birth to ur own child and educate it, IF u are capable to give birth or IF anyone willing to give u his sperms, that is.
Please dont lecture skyler AS IF u are her stepmother or I am coming to grind ur filthy mouth with rocks. You dont have any blood sis or bro to lecture so dont burst ur pent-up frustration on 17 yr old girl.
sei pak por!!
July 16th, 2006 at 2:18 am
wow.
even im not as low to curse her to not have kids. thats a new low. dude… chill.
July 16th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
joe latte, contrary to u, i dun post abt her sexual parts to give her the \”syokness\” tat she expect from comentators frm her blog..HAHA
skyler, stop crying in silent and get ur parents involved, coz u are no longer this psychobitch\’s match, tell ur parents and let ur parents deal with her, she might be shitting in the pants anticipating ur parents now…after all wat she she trying to achieve by trashing u in her own blogs, den blog hopping to jon\’s blog with multiple posts with point 1,2,3 etc summore and also ur blogs…do it skyler, u are still in uniforms and underaged, u are all fully ur parents property, nobody can help u except ur parents, do urself some justice……….
i know she trying to extract pitty from my post but if she so holy, i dun think she would enthusiastic to read xiaxue to find things to bitch and to call xiaxue pink poodles, what a psychobitch
July 16th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
fencesitter> thats coz im doing charity work for ppl with “no sex life” so that they
and bfs are included in the package since they are pretty much useless if they cant give u sex..or so what she claimed.
xx case coz she is hoping to get publicity she thinks she deserves mah. but xx doesnt give a shit! lol
fan pi lah!! ppl got no time to care abt small malaysian blogger shits.
July 17th, 2006 at 3:52 am
Hey, I think you’re beautiful la..
I’m not goodlooking so I know how you feel.. don’t worry about those ppl.
I’m a guy btw.
July 17th, 2006 at 9:59 am
My female friends once told me that females are more critical of other females than males. I think it’s true.
I couldn’t be bothered flaming the biatch and adding more publicity to her blog. She’s only a kid and at that age, they’re probably very vulnerable and insecure. Judging by what she put down in her profile, ‘I am so gorgeous-not’. I’d say she’s very insecure…and she’s right. She’s not gorgeous. I’ve seen diahorrea better than that…but the smell is about the same.
July 17th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Flaminglambo - don’t take this the wrong way. I’m just using you as a starting point:
I agree with your statement regarding her insecurity. But, isn’t saying you won’t flame her and then using terms like, “I’ve seen diahorrea better than that” a little counter productive.
After all, isn’t this the sort of thing that started this? Are you not doing the same?
Also, acknowledging her insecurity and then saying something here (where she is likely to hear about it - if not by coming here herself, at least through some of her friends that read here), going to drive those insecurities further into her?
******
I think the point of Minishorts post has been missed by a lot of people. As MS said.
“That you have that power to ruin people’s feelings? Well good for you, CONGRATULATIONS.”
Seems like a lot of people have since used this whole affair to do the same to Skyler, and now others seem to be coming here saying things to Minishorts as well.
I guess some people think that because they have the power to say nasty things that it’s something they think is worth nurturing and using in order to make themselves feel bigger.
In a world of wars and hurt, isn’t there enough troubles without tearing other people to down in order to make ouselves feel better?
Now, the two girls at the centre of this thing have patched it up, yet I still see people who want the name calling to continue [most of them not leaving real names, or contact details].
So, what can I possibly believe? That you’re all insecure and need more attention?
Anyway, take this in the spirit it was meant people. Stop the name calling, and settle down a little. Just because you’re under twenty [or thirty or whatever] doesn’t give you the right to act like ten year olds.
[Sorry for using your comment box as a bit of a soap box Minishorts!]
July 17th, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Mate, I apologise for not making myself clear. What I meant was flaming her on her own blog. My bad for the mix-up.
I think that if one blogs about something as blatantly irresponsible as Skyler, one puts oneself out there to be judged because all of us are entitled to an opinion on the matter. I am not as diplomatic as you and I feel that if it wasn’t for the fiery responses, the seriousness of the situation would not be as apparent to her or the people that supports her. If we don’t nip the problem in the bud, what is to stop them from doing it again? Maybe a, ‘Please don’t do it again’ would work but sometimes, a little aggression carries more weight in a serious situation. Maybe I should have posted my previous comment in her blog but I’m glad I didn’t because I wasn’t aware that they’ve made peace. Good on them for doing that.
July 17th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
which is why we should click on all the links regarding the issue esp those links at the center(*waves*) of the matter before making statements.
July 17th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
(*waves back*) Sorry for being a newbie but where is this link that says everything is good now? Also, if it’s all good, why is the post still live? Shouldn’t it be deleted?
July 17th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
Found it.
July 17th, 2006 at 9:56 pm
flaminglambo - I was talking about flaming her on any blog, because after all, if we think what she did was wrong, then it is also wrong for us to do it. It sort of weakens the arguement if we behave the same way.
Also, I think the rebuking she got from a lot of blogs was enough. They didn’t resort to name calling etc.
I know where you were coming from with the ‘I feel that if it wasn’t for the fiery responses, the seriousness of the situation would not be as apparent to her’.
You may be correct. It depends on the person. I usually prefer to take the more diplomatic approach, as often the full on assault will just make the person feel victimised, and as such wont’ look at their own actions, but prefers to think peopel are picking on them.
Anyway, I see you’re in Sydney. My favourite City of Australia.
Hope you are enjoying it there.
July 17th, 2006 at 11:38 pm
So does that mean that in your entire life, you’ve never condemned a person’s looks or sense of dressing. I mean, really never ever spewed out those words even in passing.
Maybe I misread you. And I apologize first hand if I did, this being your blog and all and I’m sticking my nose into fire, I feel. But I did interpret it as you were the pious one who has never judged another. Since I don’t know you personally, maybe you are extra careful of what you say because you admittedly say that you have low self esteem.
Because it’s easy to identify with the victim here. It’s so easy to be on the side of the one whose feelings got hurt first. But we’ve all been the offender too. We’ve all in some parts of our lives said, “OMG that person is so ugly. Something must have gone wrong. etc etc etc”. Just maybe, not in blogs. But to our friends and maybe family.
Minishorts, I’m not saying what you say is wrong. It’s right. We should all be a bit, a lot more conscious of what we say because one day it’ll come and slap us in the face, hence making us uglier.
Btw, I think your preview comment thing is way cool.
Always loved to read your blog. And for the record, I think you’re pretty.
July 18th, 2006 at 4:27 am
It’s inner beauty and confidence that make a person hot
July 18th, 2006 at 8:45 am
Dabido, drop us a line if you’re ever in town.
July 18th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
FlamingLambo - If I get back to Sydney, i’ll try to remember. I’m on a two month contract at the moment, and two days into it, they’re already talkin about extending it, so won’t be any time soon.
But … hopefully one day I’ll be back … I hope … maybe … lol
I still think of Sydney as home.
July 20th, 2006 at 7:51 pm
hey girl!
you look beautiful just as you are and from what i know of you, you’re simply scrumptious. seriously.
be happy.
July 21st, 2006 at 2:17 pm
wow, i didn’t know the matter had become so big. i don’t know either of the girls personally but i think that no one deserves such a beating. jayelle’s really strong to be able to stand to it and forgive skyler. and yes, no one likes to be called ugly. kena few times liao and even small ones make me go *arghhhh*….beauty on the inside beats a beautiful face with an ugly heart anytime