A sucker for love.
Apparently, I have some very opinionated readers.
Well, opinions are good. I like opinions. But I prefer opinions to be dished out once, twice the most. Not again, and again, and again. Some of my readers have this tendency to return again and again and to pick fights with anyone in the forum whose train of thoughts are different, alternative. I don't know lah where he went to school, or whether he realized that the issue here is not about winning the fight. Its making your opinion known, and then shutting up because that ONE time should have done the job.
Repeating your treasured POV over, and over, and over again makes you sound like a broken record just waiting to be tossed into the recyclables junkyard.
You see the worst thing about being such a repetitive noisemaker, is this. At first, you make sense, you actually have something that, well, I somewhat concur with (in places). And then in your fervour to achieve what you are here to achieve (remind me again what it is, will you?), you come up with a line as idiotic as 'WOMEN ARE SUCKERS FOR LOVE.'
Awesome. I'll tell you a story, since you came up with that cue.
This is the kind of girl I am, and I think many women are like this.
Yes. I'm sort of a sucker for love. I'm the type of person who would scale the highest mountains and sacrifice a lot of things for love. I see nothing wrong with that. OK, so maybe I'm a bit stupid, but you see, the world doesn't leave me with much of a choice.
Not yet. Not even with all the improvements in place, the world in itself, is still very much dominated by male chauvinism. Now this kind of mentality exists everywhere, and even women are culprits of supporting the patriachal constitution. You see we girls grow up being told that to be successful, and to call ourselves complete, we should be respected, and married with children. Until today women who are single by choice are prosecuted as ugly old spinsters that nobody wants, and no matter how successful these women are, they are still scorned upon as freaks of society.
Somewhere along the years, very recently, some people have thoughtfully added 'have a respectable career' and 'independent' into the prescription of becoming a full woman. But these people have conveniently left the words 'married with children' inside that statement.
Which is all well. I'm fine with it. I live it, it's internalized, and I think that's probably why I'm a sucker for love. So I'll offend the ultra-feminists here, I will find myself complete, when I have finally achieved the following: have a respectable career, independent and married with children, with a happy family of my own.
You see, I believe, that if a man truly loves me, he would do things for me. He'd scale the highest mountains just to bring back the moon, and he'd do anything just to make me happy. Sure we'd fight, sure we'd have disagreements, and maybe, 12 months down the road, when all the ooey gooey cuddly feelings have all faded and given way to commited habitual comfort, he'll be responsible enough to stick around and say he'll take care of me for life.
For that, I believe that he's making a commitment. And because he's making a commitment in that sense, I'll consider the sacrifices I'd have to make just to be with him. Even if it means disobeying my mother in places.
Let's just see the things I've done that my mother didn't like:
You see, it's bloody problematic being a woman you know. First I have to layan my boyfriend, who's not an easy person to handle. He's a bit chauvinistic too, but luckily, he's not an idiot like how some of my readers are. But I love him to bits, and we're hitting 2 years old soon. Oh we still have that cuddly gooey feeling, so I guess we're lucky (they say some people have it forever).
Then, I have to layan my mother, who's another difficult dish to jaga. She's modern and traditional at the same time, and while she's very liberal and leaves my decisions to myself, she can get a little bit fussy when it comes to setting rules. And some of her rules can be draconian. But she's got her own struggles, and I respect her for them. I love her to bits too, but I think you guys of course know it's different from what I feel about Eric.
I'm a sucker for love, and I make my choices drastically okay? How do we put it? OK, I come from what people might call, a 'confused' family. Dad's Christian, Mom's a little here and there, more Taoist most of the time. So what happened was, I got a little confused, but because I live with my mom, I used to help her do the rituals (I still do sometimes, if it's not too … demanding, now if you're an X-tian shut up and stop judging me). And then I met Eric, who's very staunch.
And you know what? I started going to church again.
And I started really reading the bible. And going to cell groups. And attending worship sessions. Listening to Praise music. Praying before meals. Praying before I enter the workplace.
Did I do it because of Eric? Maybe. Did I do it because of God? Definitely. Do I believe, because of Eric? Yeah, probably, he's really good at 'evangelising' maybe. But here's the truth: I chose to return to church and practise my beliefs because Eric came into my life, and showed me what it was like to be a Christian. He guided me into the learnings and teachings of the religion, and allowed me to go on my own learning curve. I wanted to remain confused for a while, but eventually, I fell more rooted than to fall back on a religion. Eric's beliefs.
With my mother's encouragement of course.
And eventually, things went OUR way.
How does Mom feel?
Well, sometimes I think she doesn't feel too good about this. But Eric is heaps better than the previous guys I've gone out with, and she and him get along like two peas in a pod.
Mum says, 'I want the best for you. And that means you to be happy. And I think you're happier being Christian.'
Nowadays, Mum reminds me the importance of attending Sunday Service on a weekly basis. I had a lecture from her last week because I missed service (I overslept), and she went, 'Eh cannot lah like that, want to believe must believe in it the right way.'
I made a sacrifice, she made her sacrifice, Eric's made his sacrifices too. What, you think he didn't have his own struggles? Ideally, his family wants him to go out with a girl who grew up in Sunday school and was surrounded by X-tians. Not really the type who knows a lot of things about taoism and what it's like to see mediums.
We all made our own sacrifices. Eric for me, me for him and myself, my mom for me. It is love lah, for God's sake. What is love without sacrifice? Love means selflessness, means you give up a dear part of YOURSELF for another person, or maybe God.
So some people don't really love God as much as they should, but hello, since when did God put it upon our shoulders to crucify other people for their sins?
Who are you to judge anyway?
Now idiots, and bigots and religiously insensitive idiots, I BEG YOU, PLEASE THINK, before you spew more nonsense.
July 30th, 2006 at 12:54 am
I’m a sucker for love too. Nothing wrong with being a romantic. Took me 5 times under all sorts of conditions. I dare say I think I got this one right. I dare say…I dare not hope I’m wrong.
July 30th, 2006 at 1:27 am
Minishorts, I must say that I’m sorry if I offended anyone. I was just voicing my opinions. I didn’t mean offence. I tried my best to be sensitive. I did not criticize other’s beliefs. I was merely stating an idea.
With respect, I’ll take my leave.
July 30th, 2006 at 1:39 am
In an ideal world, no one needs to convert to each other’s religion.
But this is not an ideal world, or an ideal place, this is Malaysia, so you cannot remove the laws here from the equation where marriage between the 2 people of different religion is concerned when one of them are bound by the law..
But yet many commentators want to have their ‘ideal world’ reasonings during the debate and ignore the implications of the country’s law in their argument, whereas I am not allowed to have my way of reasoning where the implications are fully considered in my arguments and instead being accused of forcing my opinions on others.
You can accuse me of whatever it is you think, from forcing my opinion on others, chauvinism, etc etc, but you people are equally guilty of the same stones you cast at others.
Look at yourselves in the mirror before you accuse everyone else of imposing their opinions on you.
Anyway, this shall be my last post on this blog, as I have no further interest to participate in discussions where people are driven by emotions and not reasons.
I have proven my point and I have absolutely no doubt, women are indeed suckers for love.
It’s a pointless waste of my time. Good Bye.
Sexyman signs off ! Adios!
July 30th, 2006 at 1:49 am
PRAISE GOD. Good riddance.
July 30th, 2006 at 2:20 am
Yeah, good riddance indeed.
July 30th, 2006 at 2:53 am
I am a sucker for love too.
And like you, I returned to Christ because of, well.. almost same reasons like you..
But oh well…
July 30th, 2006 at 2:59 am
As a guy who recently rediscovered what its like to be Christian here’s my two sen worth (and often unsolicited) opinion-
It does not matter why you did it, only if.
July 30th, 2006 at 3:23 am
“Until today women who are single by choice are prosecuted as ugly old spinsters that nobody wants, and no matter how successful these women are, they are still scorned upon as freaks of society.”
I dare say, men are looked upon as freaks if they are single after perhaps the age of 40. Sometimes more so than women. Comments most common, would be, “he’s probably gay”. And note, I have nothing against gays. But I guess, men go through the same scrutiny as women too.
Btw, I love your blog and your entries. And may God bless you and Eric. (and your mum, for that matter too) :))
July 30th, 2006 at 5:47 am
I just read sexyman’s last comment in the previous post. So funny how he put things together and figured everything out. At first I was furious at his comments but when I came to that, I was laughing my buttcheeks off.
My definition of a successful woman have always been someone who’s close enough to be superwoman (minus the out of the world super powers lah) - Someone who has a family, who is able to juggle between having a successful career, being a brilliant mother, a wonderful wife to her husband AND not to forget, a great daughter to her mother.
I can be a traditional woman at heart. I am after all a woman and it is my nature that I am that way (this is what God have given me). Sacrifices work both ways. I would do anything for love…yes, not only my love for my boyfriend but my love for my family as well. If you made the extra effort, IT IS possible to make make it work both ways.
I would like to think that Sexyman was brought in a pretty unsexy environment hence the kind of person he potrayed himself to be in the previous entry. What a pity.
Every action taken has its reasons. The power of churches were removed as it was conflicting with the parliament laws in England. If two sets of law continue to conflict, you will have no peace in the country. Same goes for religion, every religion differs from one another. If a man and woman of different religion lives together, there is definitely gonna be a lot of conflict and tension in the family unless both are able and willing to compromise and understand each other to accomodate the differences in religion. But we all know that man (man/woman) were born a lil selfish as we tend to want things to go our way (look at the way some people want their opinions heard). So what better way to prevent all these from happening than to draw up a rule that suggests conversion of religion. In an ideal world, humans would be more tolerant and accomodating. We are the ones who can create an ideal world NOT the other way round. Unfortunately, it is not possible because as I have said earlier, we were all born a lil selfish (one way or another).
Lastly, my note to the the oh-not-so-sexy-anymore-man, being a smart alec gets one nowhere. Talking about issues as if you know a whole load about it just makes you look stupid. To disown your child just because he/she converted into another religion just shows that your pride comes first before your love for your child.
July 30th, 2006 at 8:04 am
skay : Not disown. He said he would kill her. Nutter, that one.
July 30th, 2006 at 8:34 am
I don’t see the problem with doing things for love. Even if it’s stupid, as long as you bear with the consequences that comes with your actions. Heck, i left Malaysia to go to Canada with the one i love, like literally packed my bags and go almost - i don’t have a job there, or any family members there. I had my parents threatened, scream, scold, humiliate me as they try to make me change my mind in the beginning.. in the end, they accepted that it really is love. That i won’t change my mind, and that he and I are serious about our love and life together. It’s the best decision i have ever made.
BTW, there is nothing wrong with my fiance. He is just Caucasian. And being in a Chinese family, it’s almost as if i’ve betrayed my own kind.
While it may not be like marrying into a different religion but the mentality that my parents showed me was like Sexyman’s. I guess I defied a “Sexyman” and lived to tell the tale.
I don’t believe Sexyman actually meant whatever harshness that he’s said about marrying into another religion. If a real situation like this occurs, he can’t really do anything. He’ll be left with two choices - lose a child or accept the child’s choice. I think with his skewed perspective coupled with cynicism and an ego as big as a house, i won’t be surprised if he chose the former. What a sad old man he’ll be.
Heck…if there is anything that we should do, it’s to marry out of our ethnicity/religion/culture. It’s the answer to all racial/discriminatory issues. And religion is but dead today, anyway. Don’t bombard me, look at the world and tell me if the “God” you’re worshipping is truly that “Godly” to begin with. Do any of you know what/who the heck god is? Don’t quote me what the book/bible/scripture/preacher say. What do YOU say?
While it’s all right to have faith and believe in something superior in this world, it’s not alright when people starts imposing on others HOW they should believe in what, where, when and then ask them to STFU about it. There is no right or wrong. But that’s another story all together.
July 30th, 2006 at 10:05 am
As for my views, i love my mom very much becoz she is good to me…after i was hospitalised b4, she give me to eat stuffs which cost half of ur monthly salary evry mth for 1+ years, just to get me back on my feet again, which honestly, i couldnt afford…becoz she doesnt wan me to die….(tears)
i cant just dumped my parents juz becoz of love feelings only…not becoz of the reasons above but jus becos they are my parents~
but tat doesnt mean tat i cant love a man or sacrificed for love, i just put my parents ontop of everything….i CAN love a man but i will only HIAO to the one tat matched wat my parents love like rich, chinese etc……….u know wat i mean?
so I wont hiao with outside my chinese race, so they wont noticed me, if they no noticed me so they dunno me….if they dunno me how can they love me? if no love then no problem lor… u c wat i mean? sumtimes ppl create problems for themself
i hv a little same view with sexyman, my english is no powderfull but i could present my views better then without offended any1….but ur english is soo good, cant u make it with more tact?..
i feel u all abit mean to sexyman becoz he got diff views….
July 30th, 2006 at 10:09 am
As cliche and cheesy as it sounds, this world needs more love than cycnism.
When we look at the very basics, we are the same.
People should understand that it is in differences that we find similarities; that perspectives ought to change; that culture is everchanging. You either move with the times and adapt or be left behind.
July 30th, 2006 at 10:26 am
Heck…if there is anything that we should do, it’s to marry out of our ethnicity/religion/culture. It’s the answer to all racial/discriminatory issues
Which was why the late Tun Razak encouraged mix marriages in hope that it would create a more muhibbah environment after the horrible incident.
July 30th, 2006 at 11:37 am
Erm…i duno me either a sucker of love o nt???coz i had love a gal for 5 years oledi…I had been knew her since i m primary 1 liao…(u ppl muz think we gt ‘yuan fen’ leh),bt i tell u…finally she choose other guy as her bf….so,in my opinion,is doesnt matter hw long u noe her,bt the most important thing is d feel with a guy/gal loh…Hope all of u agree….
July 30th, 2006 at 11:40 am
women do tend to do many sacrifices in the name of LOVE. man does its equally share too. happiness is in your hand and not in others. you choose to be happy and not to be sad and so one might do what ever thing to make sure he/she got his happiness at the end.
many might thing that love is blind, but i don’t think that otherwise.you love a person because there are something good about him that you like and not loving him/her because of his/her bad habits and bed side manners. so it back to good observation and desicion making at the end but it must be a win win situation but most of it is not.
many tend to look at religion as the last resort for a problem in their life. its normal and nothing wrong in that. but the side effect is that his/her perception and understanding of the faith itself will be blunt and narrow. we have to look at the main cause of his attend to the certain religion where it is because of his/her love to god or a bargain for some demand? one will never understand fully of the pure essence of the teaching which takes long time to learn.
so, most of us hope for the best of his/her life. there will be a hiccup or slashback on the way of his/her journey and turn out to be not so bad after all. any desicion that we take, choose and decide by our own mind and no one can do it for us. no matter what has been choosen, we rides it with open minded. with a little bit of prayer, one never know God is taking care of us.
July 30th, 2006 at 1:48 pm
God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes the path to one’s own enlightenment is off the beaten track. Faith is experiential, and not a text-book, top-down, do this / do that, kind of thing.
Wouldn’t call myself a sucker for love, exactly, but I’ve come to realize that everybody needs somebody to care for, love, and hopefully have your affection for them reciprocated. This small truth transcends race and religion.
From this Muslim’s perspective, God created mankind, grouped into various races, tribes and hold different beliefs, as a test, so that everyone could learn about everybody else, and get along, each with their own path towards Him. Truth shall become self-evident, and there is no need for threats and violence. And definitely not so that the so-called righteous (actually, self-righteous) can beat up everyone else into submission.
Oh well… Happy for you that you have found your path, in your own way. And sometimes a catlyst along the way does help.
July 30th, 2006 at 2:06 pm
For a typical Chinese guy, if he marries a Muslim/Malay girl, he hurts the parents very deeply because not only he has to convert, he is actually marrying into the other family. (Even name must change)
It is a very shameful thing to be ‘ten chu kor’ and the parents will be very shameful to face the relatives.
There’re too many negatives to consider and it is too selfish to put love above family.
The relationship should never have started in the first place.
It is the biggest cultural/family humiliation a Chinese son can deliver to his parents.
July 30th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
Praise the Lord that you were found! I believe that it was not by chance that Eric came into your life. He might be the reason that you returned to God, but you are staying, because you realized that God loves you and the goodness in life that you’ll have in life, with God along side of you. God bless you and your loved ones.
July 30th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
One word: Kudos. You’re succeeding where many have failed.. =)
July 30th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
I’ve been reading the exchanges and it’s been interesting, enlightening and disturbing all at once. Very odd feeling that.
Anyway, I’m kind of glad that it’s over for now.
I do kind of understand where that sexyman fella was coming from. The only problem was that he sort of expected everyone to agree with him and no one did. I guess he took that personally.
Some people can’t deal with differences of opinion and that is why we have wars, I guess. Also, being a cynic is bad for your social life.
Do I agree with him? Yes and no.
Yes he has a point, marrying outside your own culture is not always the best idea, especially when the culture you’re marrying into is very different from yours. It’s something that should be considered from all angles and perspectives.
As a person who is both Iban and Chinese, culture does means a hell of a lot to me.
However…
No, I don’t agree with him. Ultimately, the choice is up to the individual, ill advised or not. No matter how a parent may delude him/her self, an adult child does NOT belong to them and is not for them to own, control or dictate.
And no, a good parent does not disown his/her child over such things. Blood is thicker then water and love transcends all the religio-political bullshit, doesn’t it?
In my own family, we have 2 first cousins who married Muslims. As traumatic as it was when they announced their intentions, in the end, family is family no matter what anyone says.
And finally, God bless you and Eric and may you guys be happy always. Have a nice weekend.
July 30th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
Noooo, don’t go sexyman!!! I’m gonna miss you!
July 30th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
I went to church, cell group, Sunday school, but I was never a x-tian. Go figure
July 30th, 2006 at 10:19 pm
No one should worry about being a sucker for love except if they do not understand how healthy it is for one to be in love. It is by Devine plan that two people should be in love. When we are in love, we suffer less stress and our body functions tend to work the better for it!
So, for you Minishorts to chase love, it is the most logical self-preservation thing for you to do! For me here in Uganda, East Africa, I am encouraging men and women to love each other. I feel that the world would be a safer place if fewer couples fought and scratched they way they do now.
I have an African approach to creating harmony between two people in a relationship, which I am writing a book and running a website about. Those of you who would wish to learn how we do it here in Africa, you can log in at http://bufumbocollege.com You might even have a few smiles….just smile because I know that what I write is unlikely to make you “laugh your buttcheeks off”, just to borrow S-kays words!
July 30th, 2006 at 11:18 pm
Wow, very very hot topic I see. A little too late to comment on the last one but I see it was monopolised by sexyman. Well, I’m a Christian and Chinese and I will consider a malay man if the right one comes along…knowing full well the syariah laws and the muslim laws. There will be more and more mix marriages, you’ll see…
July 31st, 2006 at 8:21 am
sdfsd
July 31st, 2006 at 8:30 am
(P.S: sorry about the previous comment, somehow my previous similar comments couldn’t show up in your blog here)
minishorts, just wanna thank you for all your honest opinions over this “eye-opener” blog especially with regards to sensitive issues such as religion.
I’ve been reading your blog for the past 2 months, and truly it’s an eye opener. Thanks again.
Nvr judge, if we (christians) are so perfect, why do we need God in the first place. It’s never our right to judge anyway. Jesus during His ministry don’t impose His teachings/beliefs on anyone. Then why should we. I gotta admit, sometimes we do go over the limit especially when sharing with our non-believer friends “intentionally or unintentionally”.
I have heard it said that more people are offended by Christians than by Christ. I’m not sure this has ever been statistically verified, but it seems true in my experience.
The reason I am a Christian is not because Christians are such grand examples of human beings. I don’t have to prove that our guys are better than your guys. I am a Christian today, because of Jesus Christ and what he has done for me.
If it were all about Christians, we’d all be in trouble. Even the disciples didn’t always get it right. Bless you.
In service for you and JC
alvin
July 31st, 2006 at 8:54 am
Bless you Alvin! You gave expression to what I felt but could not express in words. You spoke for me, the sinner Christian. When insults are hurled at my faith - I keep telliing the critics the same thing. The fact that we are are Christians, does not make us saints. .. as Christians, we ( at least that’s how I see myself) are all on a journey; all trying to be Christ-like … but we fall a lot of times coz we are not God. It’s sad when some of us think we hold the key to heaven just coz we say we are ‘Christians’. God will judge all - Christians and all others as well - and only He and He alone knows our hearts. The fruits of the Spirit are love, compassion, charity etc (sori can’t quote off the cuff ). ..never hate. murder and destruction.
All that said, it does not mean we do not stand up for our Faith - we do - but in the manner that Alvin has so eloquently done.
SHALOM to all.
July 31st, 2006 at 9:32 am
What a pity
I missed out on all the wonderful comments.
Mixed marriages are the devil (mainly muslim/non-muslim) because once you’ve converted, you can’t go back to what was before. Once in, never out.
A bit unfair.
If its not for Christians to judge, why do I hear so much from Christians as what is the “right” thing to do?
July 31st, 2006 at 9:45 am
Tres: Because we’re only human struggling to walk in Christ. I think it’s a good thing that most people expect us to behave like Christ. That’s the struggle each Christian will have to walk through.
That said, I’m closing comments again, because I don’t want to allow preaching here, because the issue here is not how Good / Bad Christianity is compared to other religions. The issue here is how love means sacrifice.