Check! Dabido has written an awesome post about discrimination by looks, in his blog. MUST READ.
A young friend of mine, who happens to believe that she doesn't look physically awesome, no thanks to the unkind comments from many quarters, has had her confidence brutally assaulted, by a total stranger, who thought it was funny and brilliant to be 'honest' about making sniding remarks towards her physical looks.
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THE SERIOUSNESS OF THIS MATTER.
***
It takes one woman to understand the struggles of another woman. This battle to live in this shallow, shallow world, is an everyday struggle. One way or the other, there will be the remarks, and so many of these are from the men, (that's why we always say men are jerks, because they're not very kind in making comments). I believe you've heard them all before, you might even be guilty of some of these.
'That girl's face is really nice, but she's a little bit too short lah.'
'So nice features, but why the complexion so bad one.'
'Fuiyoh you hear her voice… so cun right? You see her face you can die.'
'HER BOOBs. OMG HER BOOBs.'
'That woman, so ugly also dare to camwhore. OMG.'
'Eyes not very nice lah. Nose too big.'
Et cetera, et cetera.
I think it's bad that a man is capable of all these, but its worse when the person who utters these rubbishy comments is a woman. Because the fact is this, as women we all share the same struggle, that silly battle to 'look good' by this world's standards, and we don't need another person from the same camp to jump in and point fingers about how ugly we look.
That's why I consider beauty pageants as demeaning towards women. The whole process of putting a bunch of women on stage to compare their beauty is nothing less than awful. It's an ongoing process of planting perceptions into people's mindsets, and it is also a process of creating unwarranted peer pressure for something as trivial as 'looking good'. Primitive is hardly a good word to describe a competition among woman to choose 'the fairest of them all'.
And fairy-tales. Oh yeah, we're all nurtured from young. In stories we tell our children that the good person is the one who is the fairest in the land, the evil person is the ugly woman who looks like witch. These are tales we feed to the younger generation EVERY SINGLE DAY, and when the child grows up finally to face the world, can you imagine the pressures he/she has now got to face?
Relationships have been destroyed because of this stupid penchant for good-looking things. Money is spent on silly procedures that will keep one good looking. People have even resorted to putting their life at risk, just in order to look good. Cutting off a section of one's nose, in order to heighten the nose bridge, so that you'll have a better side profile.
All because some pathetic shithead had the NERVE to walk up to that person, and destroy that poor person's self-esteem. 'You're okay lah. But if your nose were a little higher, you would look better.'
***
The truth is, if you haven't already noticed it, I actually have a pretty low self-esteem about myself. I suppose, you could call me 'pretty confident', because I try my best at carrying life off every day, and it seems to work well so far, with a little help from the Big Guy up there, but otherwise, every single day is a struggle to cope with trying to ignore the whispers.
And it happens all the time.
You see, our world is a cruel and shallow one. This is the world that makes it a necessity for me to look into the mirror at least twice a day, just in order to check that I look presentable and nice, to match the responsibilities I have to carry. Every single day, before going to work, I see my face in the mirror, and I think, 'Why can't it be I have less pimples, better complexion, lighter eyebags, lesser wrinkles, narrower hips… these are real problems and I have to deal with them every day. I can't really use much cosmetics to do the covering up, because they cause MORE skin problems, and then at work, I worry about whether I'm sitting right, or the clothes matches today's mood… etc. These worries are so trivial, almost bimbotic, you may say, but this is the world I live in — this very same world that you too have to endure.
Some kind people have told me that I'm blessed with good features, that I look good. Of course this is all very flattering and nice to listen to and I really appreciate them… but the fact is, I can't be pleasing to everyone. And some people, I don't know, they just live to hate I suppose, they go about trying to make themselves feel better and look better, by making other people feel bad, so there are people who just find the brand of look I sport, simple intolerable. And I know they gossip about it. My looks, I dunno, the bunny teeth and the messy hair perhaps, can actually become a topic of jest and laughter in a random conversation.
Most of the time I'm fortunate enough to not hear the things that will bruise my ego, but with this blog, I get 'em trolls, some anonymous, some I've met personally from a long time ago. And they make cute-sounding comments (here in this blog, some in other blogs) about, of all things, how my features resemble chipmunks or hamsters, or how I have thunder thighs, and how my forehead is pockmarked. Do you not think I already know I have these problems? Some take it a step further and try to bash it in by attacking my family, and the people I love, 'You boyfriend has a small dick, he's not getting any, it runs in your family. You've got a stupid family.'
And here's the thing that will probably please these people who're hell-bent on making their point known to me and the world — sometimes, well, make it most of the time, you succeed in your attacks, and even though I choose to not address you, you make me bleed. You hurt my feelings, you make me feel awful. You make me cry sometimes, and I hate it, because no one enjoys being told they are ugly.
Now does that make you happy? That you have that power to ruin people's feelings? Well good for you, CONGRATULATIONS.
Seriously, it's not about emerging stronger despite the brutal comments. I can live with the shit. I don't think I have much of a choice anyway, so I'll just live through it. I think more importantly, the ultimate disappointment is this: that there are people in this world who need to make other people unhappy, just so that they can feel good about themselves.
And that, is a terribly pathetic state of human nature.
