just minishorts.

OK the contest is closed.

Now it's time for the judge (that's me) to decide who wins the contest.

So while you folks wait for the verdict… Allow me to rant a bit.

Just the other day I was reading this back-issue of Her World where there was this article that talked about whether you're turning in your 'new partner'. I could identify with several bits of the examples given because I was there before.

What happened? I dated an almost 'ahbeng' kind of guy who liked his women to wear huge Garfield motif-ed pasar malam t-shirts and loose thigh-length cullotes… and I actually played the role of the 'local-house-wife-wannabe' so well, I collected half a wardrobe full of ugly shapeless T's in the three years we were together.

In this particular relationship, my social life dwindled to zero. I stopped going anywhere, I stopped shopping, I stopped reading fashion magazines, and I stopped watching The X Files. I went on a three year addiction of TVB serials, and I got to know all the names of the latest stars and songs from Hong Kong and China. It wasn't a bad thing of course, I actually really, really, loved Jay Chou and Nicholas Tse. I hardly watched English films, and for quite a while, the only people person I actually spoke English to in real life was my mother (because English is the mother tongue). So entrenched was I in an alien life, I became a Halo Cafe Junkie. I even stopped reading novels, and faked an interest in reading traditional Chinese Jin-Yong Wuxia, because my boyfriend was a huge fan of the wuxia novels.

See, what happened was I had gone willingly into a relationship and when our differences started to make us clash, I decided to modify whatever I could within me just to make things work. I believed that these little sacrifices were necessary as they were all towards building a good relationship. Because I was giving up so much, I began to make my own demands, and it was hell. We started to argue a lot, and I started to get really possessive and began to question his behaviour, I started to require him to make more sacrifices.

I still believe in sacrifices, but I've come to realize that there are some things you just cannot sacrifice. Such as your personality.

A bit towards the end of the three years, I started my blog, and I started to converse a lot in a more familiar tongue. With my very own domain, some friends started to stumble upon my old blog, and slowly, that suppressed little girl in me started show her tail. Ironically, as I came out of my shell through the blog, my old personality started to leak out too, and eventually it overflew into real life. You know, I can't quite recall what the last straw on the camel's back was, but the whole thing did break up in a terrible way.

Sure, it hurt like fuck when the relationship ended, because three years is a long time to invest your feelings and life into. It took me time to regain myself, and rebuild my life. Along the years, I gathered up enough ammunition, and of course, advice from close friends who VOWED that they would never see me date another guy that would completely change my personality again. My best bud told me once, 'You want someone to complete you, but you still have to be that same person… he has to compliment your personality, not morph you into someone we all hardly know.'

I suppose had the opposite had happened, my lifestyle would be very different now. I probably would have gotten hitched by now, but contrary to being in the very corporate rat-race that I'm living in now, I would've gotten myself a part-time course to study to be a primary school teacher… and I'd probably be giving tuition every day. I'd probably be teaching in an SJK (C) though, and I would still be a huge fan of ASTRO's Wah Lai Toi. Life would be slower, perhaps more relaxed, but I highly doubt it would be me.

Several years on and after undergoing more casual dates and two more serious get-to-know yous, I'm here, thanking my lucky stars that the break up finally happened. I know now that I'm lucky I never got around to having the relationship complete itself in a fantastic way. THANK GOD we never got married.

When we ended our relationship, we gained freedom to rediscover the old selves we used to be, and almost immediately, my old gang came back, and even better, I got to know people like me… and we got close knitted. You recognize my friends as I say their names now and then, and these people have been there for me forever… but for the years that I was dating Mr Different-From-Me, these people were far, far away. Not because they didn't want to be with me anymore, but because every time they asked me out, I said no, because I thought we were different. I became so attached to my relationship, like a leech, I couldn't let go, and my uni-mate, now a journalist in Penang, once said, 'Claire, you might as well move in with him and get married lah. He's everywhere you go!!'

And after weeks, months of trying to get me to hang out with them, they eventually gave up… and I became lonely, and lost. Had the relationship not ended, I would still be writing mournful blog posts lamenting my lack of friends, questioning and looking back on the good old days.

But because the opposite is now true, life is very different now. The 'good old days' are now my amazing present, and I look back on the 'bad times'. My pals and I call each other during work hours just to crap about nonsense, and we laugh about good old times and the silly men we used to date. My current boyfriend is a darling, and he's almost a reflection of me… and we see each other every day, but even that's not a chore. On the days where we're busy and unable to meet up, it doesn't hurt, and I've got no qualms leaving him to his boy's nights out, because I know his friends well, and well, they're almost like me. Best of all, I'm allowed to be myself, I still pursue my interests, I get to watch the shows I like, wear the clothes I like, speak the language that I'm most comfortable with.

I've seen friends lose their lives to the people they love, in the way I've described above. I've seen bubbling, sporty personalities disappear into oblivion, and I've experienced extreme behavioural change in adopted siblings. So yes, sometimes, I wonder, where did you go? Where is the friend I used to love so much, whom I used to be able to count on all the time? How did ONE WOMAN, take you away from yourself like this? How could ONE MAN, remove the very essence of you being you?

And then I remember, it's their lives, there's nothing I can do about it, even though it bewilders me to the point of anger, and hurt.

I can only hope its for the better… and pray for them that the relationship lasts a lifetime.

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