life, love, *motherhood, and then more
To what extent.
Sometimes I wonder where is the threshold of tolerance and pain one can afford to offer a partner when both are in a love-relationship.
A friend once said that people who are involved in relationships are generally nicer people to be with, because they're able to learn how to compromise, and give and take. That generally means that singlehood is also not a bad thing at all. It's important to learn how to appreciate singlehood because being single allows one, no, forces one self to learn how to cherish the most important person in the world, YOURSELF.
That's probably why singles who remain single for a long time just can't get used to being in relationships, said my friend. According to him, if you're alone for too long, you'll just grow to dread having to compromise to another person, compromise being a necessary ingredient in any relationship. The fact is, hardly any relationships are made up of completely compatible couples. There's always at least something that you'll find irritating about a person. A relationship works, when both sides of the relationship are able to give and take at a comfortable level.
So how far can you give? How far should you take? To what extent do you draw the line?
I'm just wondering.
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about 3 years ago
The simplicity of it without complicating things?
As far as I would want to. Compromise is a relative thing in relationships. More often than not, we tend to think that we’re sacrificing a lot. Then again, if we know it’s worth it. Why should that bother us?
I draw the line when it’s doing something I can’t do. Things that to me are self destructive to what defines me as a person. The rest of of it, I tend to say why not. Would be a nice change anyway.
about 3 years ago
In relationships it’s a given that there will definitely have to be some level of compromise. There’s no escaping it.
I draw the line when the changes are so wholesale that it will be borderline redefining who i am as a person.
Because even though we are ‘one’ in a relationship, in essence we are still ‘individuals’ and for me to lose my sense of personal identity in order to fit into my partner’s version of the ‘perfect partner’ is something i cannot do.
about 3 years ago
i’d say there’s definitely a threshold, it’s normally what happens after it’s been crossed.
i tend to go numb.
about 3 years ago
Well some people have never had a girlfriend so to answer that question one would have to be in a relationship or have had been in a relationship before. Being single is not so bad, but it takes some getting used to. It helps to have a job though and to be financially independent. And then you can just use that money to treat yourself once in a while.
about 3 years ago
That , to me would simply translate to how much you love your other half and how much would you be willing to give up for that person.
about 3 years ago
Hmmm… to me it always seems like the girl is expected to compromise more, because she is expected (to a certain extent) to follow the guy’s decision.
Annoying but I think this is true: the more successful (academically, financially, bleah) a gal is, the harder it is for her to first enter into a relationship… a theory me and my friends like to call “the existance of the alpha male asian ego.”
about 3 years ago
Mubby: Some guys find it harder to compromise and accept girls who are richer/smarter. Hm.
Me? I draw the line between compromise and being abused + used like a doormat. While change is good, there is such a thing as “one sided change” and “hypocrisy” – the whole “this is your fault. you should adapt to me!” and blah, blah. I see it all the time in relationships – budding and dying.
Relationships are about growing together, laughing together and hurting together BUT if the pain and suffering is more than the joy, why be in one?
about 3 years ago
i agree that “perfect match” doesnt exist… should i or should i not compromise? if yes, to what extent? i’ve decided to stop asking myself questions like this. so far, i’m still not sick of him and i still cannot live without him.
about 3 years ago
Mubby, Mei: But is a gal willing to accept someone who is poorer/dumber than her?
Personally, I don’t mind gals who are richer/smarter than me.
about 3 years ago
DK: IMHO, everyone is smart in some ways and dumb in others. My partner is not the best person to approach when it comes to linguistics and EQ – so you could say he’s dumb in that sense. He’s also jobless at the moment. Am I going to dump him? No.
Really, I find a number of men say they don’t mind that a woman is smarter/richer but at the end of the day, it becomes a contributing factor to problems in the relationship. I truly hope that yours is not the case.
Wealth and brains are not the only factors in deciding if a person is desirable as a life partner. Attitude and heart are, to me, more important.
about 3 years ago
hmm…. the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence… i know many singles who are dying to get into a relationship… and many married folks who are dying to get out of their relationships…
go figure!
about 3 years ago
People who only ‘learn’ how to compromise in a relationship never really knew how to compromise at all.
People in relationships are generally nicer because they are HAPPIER, not because they’ve learned to compromise.
And sometimes, people think they are compromising, but actually they’re still being the bitch they are and it’s really the other half that’s doing all the bending.
Not that I’m mentioning any names