The men our parents want.
Filed under Being a Woman
When I was not yet in a relationship, my mother gave me a list of things I have to look for when I agreed to go out with a man.
- Must be Chinese.
- Must be older than you.
- Must not be 6 years older, because Monkey clash with Tiger.
- Must be educated at least until university.
- Must have stable job.
- Must have car.
- Must be loyal.
- Must not be Muslim.
- Must not be kiam siap, otherwise susah whole life.
- Must not be lazy, otherwise you have to work your entire life to feed your husband.
- Must not like to talk to other women except you only.
- Must not be a smoker.
- Must not drink too much.
- Preferably hokkien. Preferably if pure hokkien.
- Preferably earning more than you.
- Preferably at least 3 years older than you.
- Preferably from a well-to-do family.
- Preferably willing to pay everything for you and has the your money is your money, my money is also your money kind of attitude.
… I think the list was far longer than 18 items, and I'm glad to say that I've broken most of the rules except for #1, 8, 12, 16,17, and 18.
Yesterday I read April's blog hoh, and I found out that her mother has discreetly given her an almost identical list also. Oh oh, this is so cool. It means that kindred spirits have the same demanding parents, tee-hee.
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Feb27
February 27, 2007 at 7:05 pm
i think it’s the traditionalist, conservative, close-minded set of thinking that renders such..erm..list. I’m not sure if it’s just the chinese; wonder if other races do the same too though?
February 27, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Hehe … I am trying to figure out if it is you or your mom that will marry (if it does happen) your boyfriend.
February 27, 2007 at 8:50 pm
After the 2nd or 3rd guy I dated, my Mum just chucked the list right out of the door: the lower her expectations, the less likely she was going to do a double flip!
February 27, 2007 at 8:54 pm
mine included: MUST BE BRETHREN.
cheh. dowan.
February 27, 2007 at 10:39 pm
My mother gave me a similar list when I was younger. Like, I have to marry a Blonde girl.
Well, been there, done that, Didn’t work out.
Now I’m back chasing what I want. The Asian girls. My mother is scared I’m going to marry a Japanese girl. lol She told me once, if I marry an Asian girl, I have to marry an Indonesian one, as her nanny in Singapore was Indonesian. lol
My silly mother!
February 28, 2007 at 8:53 am
I donno about you, but I find our parents generation alittle rasict. My dad married a non-chinese , and my mom was shun by all our relatives. Our other aunties/uncles would warn our cuz’s to “Don’t be like Uncle James, later your children become black black like your devil cuz”. I don’t understand why in this day and age, you must still marry somebody of the same race. I do however find its mostly the chinese that are more strict with these, as my mom’s side has tons of inter-race marriges, and they are always more acceptant towards it.
February 28, 2007 at 8:56 am
Mommy says also horrr,
CANNOT BE CALCULATIVE. OR NOT LAGI SUSAH FROM KIAM SIAP.
Ah the man can talk to any woman he wants as long as there is no follow up.
Dialect also preferably Cantonese or Hakka.
I think our parents are living and dreaming ideals for us. I don’t blame them, I can already see myself having kids dressed up in what I want them to wear.
February 28, 2007 at 9:59 am
agree on the generation comment made by nicktay. my father (indian) married my mother (chinese) and my mothers family members called him a black bastard.
add to the race issue, the religion issue, and its a wonder there are any cross-cultural marriages at all.
February 28, 2007 at 11:18 am
With moral decay and times changing, it is increasingly harder and harder to meet that list or any sort of list.
I reckon that we are in a position to make a change for the next generation. If we do not…. there will be a lot of unmarried and single people in Malaysia in the next few years.
This is because… a lot of parents also set guidelines for their sons…
1. Make sure she’s not after your money…
2. Make sure she’s not a bitch….
3. Make sure she doesn’t limit you (socializing).
… etc…
So we end up with a gridlock. Nevermind our parents. We are in a position to start making some changes for the better. We have to adapt and improve… not look back at yesteryears and keep moaning… “you know, back in my time…”
February 28, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Erm…Erm…so difficult to date you…i give up…
February 28, 2007 at 7:53 pm
modern parents must add one more ‘must not’ : MUST NOT BE OF THE SAME SEX!!!
February 28, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Muslim not so bad lah, at least circumcised, tasty and ticklish. Tee hee.
February 28, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Eric is Muslim?
March 1, 2007 at 4:34 am
Reading no. 8 made me frown
I happen to have a strong preference for Chinese girls 
March 1, 2007 at 11:08 am
comment12: you’re weird.
but generally, its pretty racist to insist on same race marriage. coming from mixed parentage, its the best la! can get the best of both families. Its cruel to look down on other races. we’re equal, aren’t we?
btw, yr bf isn’t loyal to u? or were u un-loyal to him??? hmmm…
*reads back post*
March 1, 2007 at 4:36 pm
All the best….
March 1, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Hmm.. My mum has only a very brief list of criteria for my guy:
1. Family preferably has no more than 3 members (less people, less gossip)
2. Can be of any nationality/race as long as he fulfills No 3.
3. Must be rich. filthy rich.
4. No need to speak the same language as long as he gives her proper respect.
Thats all.
March 1, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Hey mini,I’m the guy your mum’s looking for.So when can I take your Mum out?
March 2, 2007 at 1:41 am
Heya Mini,
This might shock you, with me being a guy and all, but my mom game me an almost verbatim list of criterias, with a few extra “parental advisories” such as the fact that I should remain a VIRGIN till the night of my marriage.
*sigh*
Still, interesting read
I’d be sure to add your blog to my lists, so keep ‘em coming
Cheers
March 2, 2007 at 3:37 pm
I’m sure you’ll use the same list on your daughter next time.
March 2, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Nah,
I would not set those silly criterias for my daughter(s) coz I kindda figured that they will break em.
As the famous saying goes, you want something right, you gotta do it yourself.
Any man that wishes to date my daughter(s) will have to fill up a form and attend a dinner cum interview at my house.
Approval to date my daughter(s) lies entirely with me, and no appeals will be entertained.
Of course, the Remington 24 Gauge shotgun would be by my side at all times.
Rejected applicants who attempts to re-apply would then find themselves getting a really quick makeover, courtesy of the Remi.
(For your information, self-defence and shooting a trespasser in the confinements of your place of residence is not a crime.)
Cheers.
March 6, 2007 at 8:49 am
Oh, c’mon.
Mentioning item #8 is just ain’t cool!
Neither are most of the things on the list cool, but being honest has to hurt sometimes, right?Â
March 6, 2007 at 11:28 am
Wow, such racisim. So basically Chinese think low of whites, blacks, Indians, Muslims….er, well, just about anyone who isn’t Chinese. New rule for my daughter when she grows up, absolutely no Chinese men!
March 7, 2007 at 10:41 am
MAx: Maybe it’s not so much racism as just wanting compatibility.
Chinese hold customs and traditions in high regard. Marrying someone from the same culture would make for less disruptive clashes.
Chinese also have a thing about legacy and offspring. They want continuity of the family line, preferably with offspring that *look* Chinese.
March 7, 2007 at 3:24 pm
Hey, I guess I meet most of those requirements, except for the part about being older than you by 3 years, since I’m 23.
.
Honestly though, I think those same requirements are held by Chinese parents around the world. I was talking to some of my fellow Chinese female friends here in the U.S. and they have told me that they have been given similar preferences by their parents.
I, on the other hand, am much more open-minded. I definitely wouldn’t mind if my wife earned more than me or was more educated than me. Law school was definitely my backup plan, my first plan was and still is to marry rich.
March 7, 2007 at 8:51 pm
AW – Check out the comment from Rijac, “black bastard” sounds just a tad on the racist side to me.
I went out with a Chinese girl for nearly five years and her father often referred to me as “that foreign bastard”, though never to my face.
Just imagine if white families in the US or UK were to have the same attitude, it would be classed as white supremacist racism.
March 8, 2007 at 10:12 pm
“Singaporean men marry foreign women because they are losers.
Singaporean women marry foreign men because Singaporean men are losers.”
April 16, 2007 at 12:42 am
[...] Hmmm as far as I can recall, my mum never gave me such a list. Actually, all she wanted was for her daughter to be happy and to be taken care of. [...]